If Someone Truly Wants To Find Love, They'll Ditch These 4 Behaviors For Good
Fear of commitment is sneaky and can find its way into the lives of even amazing people.
Sam Lion | Pexels People with commitment issues often have an innate fear of vulnerability. Deep down, they would love to be loved, appreciated, and understood, but they fear rejection from the people they're most attracted to. While this is a solvable problem, people who are afraid of commitment need to break a few bad habits to get past it.
If someone truly wants to find love, they'll ditch these four behaviors
1. Asking for phone numbers of people they'll never call
This is so dishonest. Your self-protective, scared-to-death ego with all its games and masks has got the real you buried so deep under all that muck that if the real thing came and knocked on your door, you'd be too messed up to see it or know it.
For everyone else, this means recognizing all the behaviors you do to make yourself feel good in the moment, which doesn't serve you any real purpose other than perhaps breaking a bunch of hearts or making yourself unhappy.
2. Disparaging long-term commitment
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Do you constantly compare yourself to your friends in relationships and size them up, comparing your single life to theirs? What purpose does this serve? Are you building a case? Are you doing this solely to make yourself feel better? What do their relationships mean to you? Everyone's idea of relationships may be different.
This doesn't mean you have to disregard relationships altogether. Yes, this may mean finding a partner for you is more of a challenge, but that is quite a different thing than just saying, "I love being single" if it's only half true. Finding the relationships that work for you may just mean recognizing that you can work towards creating what works for you. It doesn't just happen.
3. Letting other people be the source of self-esteem
Go to the gym, write a book, join an art class. What are you good at? What do you love to do? Get out there and do it. Whether people accept you or reject you doesn't change who you are. If what people think about you is something you struggle with, then you're a lot less likely to let go.
The irony of this is that you are the most critical judge. So judge yourself on the things you do have control over.
4. Feeding an unhealthy lifestyle
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Putting your well-being first means eating healthy, possibly avoiding alcohol, drugs, caffeine, or sugar, getting exercise, getting fresh air, spending time with caring, kind individuals, and, most of all, relaxing.
When you meet someone interesting and you are not catering to your ego, your lies, your self-protective mechanisms and games of shunning all relationships, when you are working on yourself to get what you need, you will naturally be more relaxed, more creative, more of a problem-solver, more at ease and less worried about clinging to your walls. You're more likely to smile and be yourself.
Fear of commitment also happens within relationships where one or both partners hold back, refuse to give themselves fully, and always wear their protective shields. What an uncomfortable place to be; what a lonely space. Sure, being vulnerable is scary, but there is relief in finally letting your guard down.
How do you deal with your commitment issues? It's not an easy journey; it's not something that changes overnight, but with conscious efforts, we can get closer to letting go, closer to surrender. After all, a fear of commitment is nothing more than a fear of letting oneself go.
This is for everyone who wants a real, supportive, loving relationship that fosters growth and independence, which fosters staying in the present, kindness, safety, and peace, and ultimately, a relationship that really works for you.
Moushumi Ghose, MFT, is a licensed therapist and author whose passion is around advocacy and change by breaking down barriers for better relationships.
