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Woman Says She Stood Up Date Because He Didn't Message Her That Day — Even Though She Didn't Either

Photo: TikTok / Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock
Vivian, couple sitting at restaurant for first date

A woman has sparked a bit of a debate after revealing her stance on first-date etiquette.

In a TikTok video, Vivian posed the question about what to do if the person you've scheduled a date with doesn't check in to confirm the date is still on.

She explained that she refuses to show up for dates unless she receives a message confirmation beforehand.

Vivian started off her video by revealing that a date she had planned to go on ended up falling through.

"So I was supposed to go on a date tonight at 7 p.m. and we were supposed to go bowling," she shared, adding that she and the guy had scheduled the date three days prior.



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However, between the time that Vivian and the guy had made plans for their date, he had failed to reach out to her.

"He hasn't contacted me in three days," she pointed out. "And obviously didn't message me today to confirm the date," adding that at the time of recording her video it was 2 p.m.

Due to not hearing from him, Vivian laments that "in her head, the date is done."

"No confirmation, no date," she adamantly revealed.

Once Vivian realized that there wasn't going to be a date after not receiving a confirmation text, she decided to go on another date with someone else.

"Someone else asked me to go for coffee and I said yes, [because] like, why not? I don't actually have another date tonight," she continued.

She then concluded her video by asking the viewers for their opinion on the subject and if receiving no confirmation text before a date means it's not happening.

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"I want to know if someone doesn't confirm to you the day of, but you do have a time and a place set for your date, would you show up to the date, or would you just automatically assume that it's off?"

In response to Vivian's video, users flooded her comments with their answers.

"You are correct. No confirmation, no date. Usually, guys who don’t confirm by the night before or morning of, end up not showing up or late canceling," one user wrote.

Another user added, "It’s off. Guys are either constantly contacting you because they’re into you. If not he’s not interested and you’re better off."

However, other users questioned why Vivian didn't just reach out instead of waiting for him to confirm their date.

In a separate video, Vivian explained why she didn't message first about the date.

After receiving an influx of comments from users wondering why she didn't just reach out to the guy about their date first, Vivan answered by describing her "dating expectations."

"So, I'm looking for someone who shows initiative, shows interest, goes after what they want, respectfully," she shared.



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Vivian continued, adding that "if he wanted to, he would" and that if the guy had been interested in going on a date with her, then he would've messaged her about it.

She pointed out that he had an opportunity to message her in the three days that he chose to remain silent.

"He could have confirmed and he didn't. I am not chasing anyone and nor should you," she said.

"Someone who fits my dating expectations and my dating boundaries is going to come along and it wasn't this guy."

Vivan's second video attracted hordes of comments who debated the topic underneath her video.

"Here’s the thing with boundaries… they need to be said, they can’t read minds! I find it more of a norm nowadays though for men to confirm [the] date," one user remarked.

Another user added, "it's important to have boundaries but you have to clearly state what they are beforehand."

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Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Keep up with her on Instagram and Twitter.