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Did his gift take it too far?
By Megan Quinn — Written on Aug 22, 2022
A man gave his brother-in-law a parenting book as a birthday gift in front of his entire family.
His brother-in-law stormed off in anger and embarrassment and demands an apology — now the man is wondering if he was in the wrong.
The man believes his brother-in-law's birthday gift might've taken it too far.
He shared her story on the subreddit thread, “r/AmItheA–hole” (AITA), seeking the opinion of other users regarding the situation.
Users had the choice to give him a “You’re the A–hole” (YTA) rating if they believed that he was wrong or a “You’re Not the A-hole” (YNTA) rating if they thought he was not.
The man began his post by saying that his sister has been married to his brother-in-law, Hank, for over six years and that they have two children and another on the way.
“I visit her almost daily and I noticed that my BIL [brother-in-law] does little to nothing around the house or even child care,” the man shared.
He recalled an incident where his nephew fell down the stairs and while he didn't need immediate medical attention, he most certainly needed comfort from one of his parents.
“My sister was literally stuck helping my niece out of the barn and BIL [brother-in-law] just sat in front of the tv shrugging it off,” the man wrote.
The man added that he was “stunned” and that he was the one who had to comfort his nephew.
Along with the man’s brother-in-law offering little to no assistance with the children, he makes the man’s sister, who is seven months pregnant, “lift heavy things” and do most of the strenuous work around the house.
“He claims he’s not usually this ‘unavailable’ but since it’s ‘football season’ then he needs to catch up on all the games,” the man shared of his brother-in-law.
The man’s irritation with his brother-in-law also stems from the fact that he ruined his and his wife’s first pregnancy announcement by asking the man’s wife if “she was sure I [the man] will be a decent father.”
The man decided to get his brother-in-law a parenting book for his birthday.
The man shared that his brother-in-law’s birthday was approaching, browsing through stores unsure of what to get him. He finally stumbled upon the perfect gift — a book on parenting. “I found something that I thought would be beneficial for him,” the man shared.
At his brother-in-law’s birthday dinner, the man says he reached his limit when his brother-in-law told his wife that there was an “80% chance” that the man would be a deadbeat father.
The man gifted his brother-in-law the book in front of the entire family.
“I found this amazing book called 'The Gift of Failure,' it’s about parenting. Strange concept I know, but I figured you’d benefit from it, especially with your third kid on the way,” the man said to his brother-in-law.
The man claims that his brother-in-law was “ absolutely speechless,” and that everybody was staring at him.
“He just gave me a look and stormed off upstairs,” the man wrote.
He says that his sister was able to calm his brother-in-law down after turning on a football game for him to watch.
However, he reached out to the man later.
“He sent me an email later saying I embarrassed and mocked him in front of everybody and demanded I apologize publicly just like I humiliated him publicly,” the man shared.
He added that his father thinks he “went a little too far.”
Redditors supported the man and declared him NTA.
“Your sister deserves better. He didn't even care when their kid got hurt! NTA, Im petty enough to pretend I ll apologize and do it all over again,” one user wrote.
“Dude idk if i'd even call this an AH move, it sounds like a parenting book if the BIL [brother-in-law] read it would actually really help,” another user commented.
Others were appalled by the man’s brother-in-law’s childlike behavior when he became angry over the gift.
“Right, I read that and was thinking, 'You mean like how I turn on Elmo for my 2-year-old when I need her to be distracted?' Dude needs to grow up,” one user commented.
“My 2-year-old likes Paw Patrol, so the wife can give that a shot also,” another user wrote.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.