11 Things Classy People Never Do When Someone Else Is Paying For Their Meal
gpointstudio / Shutterstock Let's face it, everyone loves a free meal. Whether it's a family member paying for it or a partner, there's nothing greater than being treated. That being said, there are some specific things classy people never do when someone else is paying for their meal, according to etiquette coach Alison M. Cheperdak, J.D.
From not complaining about the service to staying quiet about prices, if someone wants to be viewed as classy, it's always best to avoid behaviors that might make your host feel uncomfortable. Actions have consequences, and while others might not say anything to their face, that doesn't mean they won't think poorly of classless behavior. So, to protect one's reputation, keep these things in mind the next time someone treats you to a meal.
These are 11 things classy people never do when someone else is paying for their meal
1. Order the most expensive option (unless the host insists)
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The first thing classy people never do when someone else is paying for their meal is never order the most expensive option unless the host insists. Of course, ordering the most expensive option is tempting. It doesn't have to come out of your wallet, and honestly, if they're offering, that must mean they have it like that, right? However, unless they've explicitly said it's okay, it's best to steer clear.
Not only is it disrespectful, but this level of disrespect might make for a more tense dining experience. According to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, being disrespected leads to more aggression than being disliked. So always be considerate, and never assume unless they directly say something.
2. Order more courses than the host (unless they invite you to)
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As they say, there's always room for dessert. No matter how full someone feels, the thought of chocolate cake or cheesecake brings most people a bit of joy. However, a thing classy people never do when someone else is paying for their meal is never ordering more courses than the host unless they invite you to. Sorry, but it's downright disrespectful to order a bunch of courses if the host is only ordering dinner.
Even if they offer to pay, they might have meant they would cover the basics, leaving them feeling frustrated and slightly panicked. So, when in doubt, always do what the host does. If the host orders drinks, don't be afraid to order drinks at a similar price. Not only does it prevent misunderstandings, but it's also the classiest thing to do.
3. Be overly picky
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There's always that one extremely picky person. From not liking begtavles to ordering chicken tenders every time they go out, they refuse to eat foods outside of what they know and like. Still, this doesn't stop classy people from doing what classy people never do when someone else is paying for their meal: being overly picky. Yes, it's important to pick out something you like.
However, asking for too many modifications or spending too long sifting through the menu can be a bit rude. Especially when someone else is treating them, it's important to remain grateful and be gracious in the moment. Not just for good manners, but because gratitude is the recipe for happiness. According to a study published in 2023, gratitude leads to more satisfaction in life. So, when in doubt, look up the menu beforehand and have everything figured out; that way, you aren't being overly picky and know exactly what it is you want.
4. Complain about the food or the experience
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This might be a bit controversial, but a thing classy people never do when someone else is paying for their meal is complain about the food or the experience. Now, there are few things more frustrating than going somewhere to eat only to be disappointed with the food. From it being underseasoned to the sauces being off, it's tempting to make a ruckus because nobody wants to waste a dollar.
Even so, it's important to be considerate of the host and those around you. Even if the food wasn't their favorite, don't complain too much. After all, the other person might feel terrible for bringing you there, which might lead to more awkwardness and tension. So when in doubt, keep your tone neutral, say it was fine, and if necessary, politely correct the waitress if they get the food wrong. It's okay if things aren't perfect, but the attitude people lead with makes all the difference in the world.
5. Bring extra guests
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It should go without saying, but if someone is inviting someone out, it's safe to say the invite is only extended to that person. Unfortunately, not everyone gets the hint, which is why some people feel the need to bring an extra guest or two. From other friends to extended family, they might not see the big idea. However, as it stands, a thing classy people never do when someone else is paying for their meal is bring an extra guest.
It's downright selfish to bring another guest uninvited. Not only are they not considering the other person's finances, but they're also ruining the person's plans. Whether it's a movie fight after or a walk downtown, this person has to scramble to fix things completely. This isn't great, as clinical professor of psychology Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D., said, "Anxiety disorders have effects on your health." So, always ask ahead of time, or assume that bringing a guest is off-limits unless they say otherwise.
6. Treat others like a transaction
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It should go without saying, but every person should be treated with respect, regardless of whether they pay or not. However, some people have no manners, making them view the dinner as another transaction. With zero common sense, they'll embarrassingly utter things like, "Since you're paying," not realizing how awkward or demeaning that truly sounds. This is why classy people never treat others like a transaction when someone else is paying for their meal.
Of course, it shouldn't be difficult, right? Thank them for their generosity and don't mention fiancées again. However, some people can't help but make the finances of that outing their entire personality. Mentioning it every two seconds makes it easy to make the host feel uncomfortable. So, if someone wants to be viewed as classy, keep those thoughts to yourself and don't bring it up unless they bring it up first.
7. Make it awkward when the host pays
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To be fair, it's a lot easier said than done, right? Once the waiter comes with the check, many of us tend to freeze up and awkwardly look at the receipt. Yet, while their feelings are understandable, one thing classy people never do when someone else is paying for their meal is make it awkward when the host pays.
Once again, it's easy to allow the awkward to get the best of them. However, when in doubt, distracting oneself could be a good idea. As lecturer and author Nir Eyal said, "Distractions can help us cope with the pains of everyday life." In this case, it can also ease the burden that comes with someone paying for the bill. So, if someone isn't sure what to do, go on your phone, excuse yourself to the bathroom, casually talk to the host, or fix your jewelry. It doesn't have to be awkward, but finding a way to distract oneself could make these exchanges a tiny bit easier.
8. Debate loudly about splitting the bill
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It isn't always easy to let someone pay. Some people are hyper-independent and struggle to let others step in and take care of them. Still, if someone is offering, it's best not argue too much. While it's great to offer, arguing and making things tense isn't the way classy people like to operate. This is why something classy people never do when someone else is paying for their meal is debating loudly about splitting the bill.
It may be difficult, but arguing is even harder. From ruining the mood to making those around them feel uncomfortable, the goal is to never cause an issue. So, if someone is being sweet and is offering, thank them and accept. It doesn't have to be a huge deal, so never turn it into one.
9. Comment on how expensive everything is
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When someone takes them to a nice restaurant, it's hard not to comment on how expensive everything is. According to Moca Dining, ranging from $50 to several hundred dollars per person, most people would feel pretty overwhelmed and guilty about ordering anything from the menu. However, a thing classy people never do when someone else is paying for their meal is comment on how expensive everything is. Sure, it's surprising, but never discuss finances.
If someone truly didn't have the money to take you there, then they would've picked a different place. So instead of panicking, order ahead and follow their lead. If they're ordering drinks, entrées, and dessert, don't feel guilty about ordering some yourself. If they didn't have the money reserved beforehand, they wouldn't have offered to pay.
10. Suggest another restaurant
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If someone is inviting you to a restaurant, they probably spent a ton of time figuring out which restaurant they'd love to take you to. From researching the area to scheduling an appointment and saving up the money, it's disrespectful to cancel their plans at the last minute. Yet, this is exactly what happens as some classless people suggest another restaurant at the last minute. I'm sorry to say, but if someone is paying, there's not much room for suggestions.
Unless it's a real reason, like a food allergy, it's better to nod along politely and allow them to lead the way. Even if they prefer something else, classy people go along with their host's preference and dine wherever the host invites them.
11. Pay attention to their phone
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Finally, a thing classy people never do when someone else is paying for their meal is pay attention to their phone more than to their host and the meal. Being on the phone too much, not making eye contact, not engaging, or speaking over the host are sure ways to disrespect someone and turn them off completely.
As professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, ABPP, said, "Being exposed to rudeness can create a range of negative emotions, from outrage to distress." So, if someone wants to eat in peace and create a relaxed environment, keep your phone off and pay attention. Checking your phone once or twice isn't terrible. However, you should do that when the host is distracted, and it isn't a problem for anyone else.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
