You'll Know You're Really & Truly In Love When 11 Tiny Things Start To Happen
PeopleImages | Shutterstock It's not always easy to tell whether you're falling in love or if you've just got a super intense crush. The signs are often the same, after all.
As licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jacquelyn Johnson explains, "Being in love looks different for everyone, but you can count on experiencing bliss, stability and a lasting connection." It's those last two that really matter. When you're truly in love, you'll do so much more than stare in their eyes and think about them all the time, you'll also find yourself going a little deeper.
Here are 11 tiny things that happen when you're really, truly in love
1. You want to be together all the time
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When you're truly in love, you'll likely find yourself wanting to be with them more than any other person in your life. They are the main object of your attention, and that time you spend together feels fun and positive overall.
Therapist Janet Brito, PhD notes that "even if you're busy, you probably find yourself arranging your schedule to see your partner." This is at least partly because of the so-called happy hormones she says we experience when we're falling in love, including:
- vasopressin
- oxytocin
- GABA
- serotonin
- dopamine
- the brain's natural opioids
Wanting to always be together is one of the many tiny things that reveal deep love before words ever do in your relationship. This feeling of bein ghooked on them does fade a bit as your new relationship progresses, but that time together still feels wonderful and they're still your favorite person.
2. You lose interest in things that aren't related to them
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Often, when you're falling in love, nothing is as interesting as your partner. As Brito explains, "This might also involve a desire to get to know about them by exploring their interests. When love is mutual, they'll probably feel the same way about you and want to spend just as much time getting to know your interests."
While it may not necessarily be helpful to lose sight of your own friends and interests in the long run, doing so short-term is a sign that your mind is stuck on that one person. You've made that other person your main priority, and everything else takes a backseat. You're focused on what you care about most, which is obviously that person.
The secret to long-term happiness, though, is to resist the urge to give 100% of your life over to what your partner likes. It should a mutual exploration of each other's lives, friends and interests, and you should make sure your friends and family also get at least a little of your time, too!
3. You find yourself making plans for the future
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If you can picture a future with your partner, a real one with real-life problems and complications, and you still think it would be great, it's a sign you're really in love.
Anyone can insert someone else into a daydream and picture them being there. But if you're actively making plans for the next few months or year with that person involved, it means that there's some deep love there. It shows that you really care and picture them being there for all the highs and lows.
Relationship expert Barton Goldsmith, PhD points out that looking towards the future when you're in a relationship is healthy and bond-strengthening. "One thing that successful relationships all have in common is that the couples in them make plans for the future, both near and long-term," he notes.
"Making plans builds a bond and a stronger sense of security in our hearts," he adds, even you're a little afraid it won't work out. That's because you know it's worth the risk of getting your hopes up.
4. You're more vulnerable around them
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Being vulnerable can be uncomfortable, even when you're close with someone. If you're willing to be vulnerable and open with another person, there's a good chance that they are pretty special.
If being vulnerable is met with security and returned vulnerability, you're well on your way to being in a truly mutual, loving relationship. If not, your relationship needs more time to mature before progressing so you can see if this person is going to be just as loving and open back.
5. You're willing to overlook their flaws
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Overlooking the flaws of someone you love is pretty common, whether the relationship is romantic or platonic. It's just natural to focus on someone's good qualities. The quicker you do this, the more likely you'll develop a strong bond down the line, as long as you're also realistic.
Researcher and psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD explained that while some people may think overlooking flaws isn't healthy, it can actually strengthen relationships in some cases.
"Being able to gloss over some of your partner's imperfections as you focus on deeper issues relating to shared identity and mutuality may be what your relationship needs to move from languishing into flourishing as you navigate the years and decades ahead," she said.
If you can look past someone's flaws and imperfections, there's a good chance that you love them. Doing so signifies that the person is more important to you than societal arbiters of what is right and wrong. They come first, always.
6. You have a hard time concentrating on anything other than them
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When you're truly falling in love, keeping your mind focused on anything else feels burdensome and difficult. And, honestly, you can't think of a reason why you would want to think about anything else anyway.
Psychology educator Kendra Cherry reassures readers that this is totally normal. "There are times when people might take precedence in your mind," she shares, "particularly at the outset of a new romance."
"Sometimes this feeling can be a positive, albeit heady, experience that gradually fades as the initial infatuation, heightened excitement, emotion and passion gradually temper into a steadier state of love."
They are not only all you'll think about, but all you'll want to think about. Just try not to annoy your friends too much!
7. You feel like you can be yourself with them
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It can be hard to open up and be your authentic self, especially if itdoesn't come naturally to you. But for the right person, you'll find it easier to show who you truly are. There is no greater gift that someone can give you than the ability to simply be yourself, and the person you love will do that for you when you're truly in love.
Psychology professor Glenn Geher, PhD shares that not feeling like you're able to be yourself is a bad sign. He explains that you're probably going to feel incredibly stressed in your relationship if you have to perform any degree of inauthenticity.
"Iff you are with someone whose attitude toward important aspects of your authentic self ends up bringing out your stressed self, in short, you're just not going to be happy," he said.
Being with someone who makes you feel comfortable enough to be who you truly are means that you don't have to revert to that stressed version of yourself. That doesn't mean you allow every bad impulse and mood to come out, you still have to try to grow and show up kind and thoughtful.
If you're both able to do this, you're likely to stay truly in love for a long time!
8. You feel more selfless than ever, and they'll return the favor
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Whether it's something small like doing the dishes or showing up when they're sick, doing things that aren't necessarily your first choice starts coming naturally when it benefits your relationship. When it's truly love, your partner does the same.
You are at a place in your life where they are the most important thing to you, so you're naturally going to want to do whatever you can to make life easier and better for them. This means stepping out of your comfort zone and doing things you normally wouldn't.
Brito notes that this is common when you first realize you are in love with someone. It also happens sometimes before you really realize it, butt your subconscious knows. "In the first rush of being in love, you might feel completely dedicated to your partner, ready to do anything and everything to help them through a tough spot or even just make their lives a little easier," she explained.
Loving someone is all about compromise, and you're ready and willing to do so for the right person.
9. You pick up little gifties for them here and there
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Everyone loves a good gift, and most of us love finding and giving a gift just as much as receiving one. If you feel like you want to shower someone with gifts, there's a good chance that you're in love with them, whether you realize it or not.
We're not talking about a Tiffany bracelet for no reason or a sports car. Little gifties are more like their favorite cookie when you spot it at the coffee shop or a pretty flower you find on your walk.
As psychotherapist F. Diane Barth said, gift giving is actually considered to be a love language. However, it isn't perfect because people view giving and receiving gifts in very different ways. In spite of this, it's still a sign that you care about someone. "A gift is an attempt to capture a feeling," she said, "and like all expressions of feelings, it doesn't always work."
Whether or not your gift lands the way you want it to may not be your primary concern when you're in the early stages of love and just want to show someone how much they mean to you.
10. You find yourself wanting to talk about them all the time
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Just like you can't get your mind off of someone you love, chances are you can't stop talking about them, either.
You have to be careful when this is the case, because not all of the people in your life will be understanding of this desire and be willing to listen to you wax poetic for an endless amount of time. But knowing this really won't deter you from chit-chatting about them a little! Instead, you'll just keep on talking about the person you're in love with and be oblivious to how anyone else may feel.
You could talk someone's ear off going over all of the admirable qualities of your partner, and you wouldn't mind doing so. It's just part of the love that you feel.
11. Showing gratitude comes naturally, and you receive it in return
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If you have deep love for someone, you likely feel very grateful for them. You want to express your gratitude in any way possible, whether that's by giving them something to show your appreciation, or by telling them how much you care. e.
According to psychology expert Arash Emamzadeh, showing this gratitude you feel can not only benefit your relationship, but also help you personally. "Research supports the benefits of gratitude — both relationship-related benefits (e.g., improved relationships) and health benefits (e.g., better sleep, reduced depression, healthy eating)," he shares.
Feeling grateful for someone is a good thing. It shows that they have made a positive impact on your life and that you think highly of them. When that love is true, gratitude is shared, and you each appreciate the gratitude you show one another.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
