You Have A Good Marriage If These 11 Things Feel Normal To You
These habits, behaviors, and experiences feel like second nature.
ViDI Studio | Shutterstock Married couples tend to report better physical and mental health outcomes than their non-married counterparts, according to a study from the Journal of Family Psychology, but there are certain consistent habits and behaviors that contribute to their well-being. From partner commitment, to communication skills and affection, many of the rituals healthy married couples follow contributes to the boosts in well-being they both experience over the course of their relationship.
You have a good marriage if these things feel normal to you — they're not just habits you're working toward or trying to prioritize, but are second nature. Whether it's resolving conflict, expressing concerns, or being vulnerable, the healthiest and happiest couples invest time and energy in solidifying habits into their routine that bond them to each other and protect their individuality, mental health, and physical happiness.
You have a good marriage if these 11 things feel normal to you
1. Being your authentic self
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Nurturing individuality in a marriage isn't just about making compromises and carving out alone time, although those can be incredibly healthy practices for couples, according to experts from the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences. It's also about crafting mutual respect for differences and encouraging personal goals alongside shared ones.
In a truly healthy relationship, each partner feels comfortable and natural being their authentic self with their spouse. However, the key to evolving and growing into that genuine identity is building a relationship that celebrates and empowers partners' individuality.
2. Resolving conflict
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According to a study from the University of Georgia, conflict-resolution skills could actually improve partners' well-being and physical health over the course of their relationship. While many people might believe that conflict and arguments are unhealthy in a marriage, it's really how partners handle them that makes all of the difference.
Partners with healthy communication strategies, empathy, and mutual respect resolve conflict in a healthier way than those that are constantly making passive-aggressive comments, getting defensive, and avoiding arguments altogether. So, you probably have a good marriage if it feels normal to express concerns and resolve conflict with a partner.
3. Trusting your partner
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Most partners in long-term relationships accurately believe that trust is the foundation of any intimate relationship, according to a study from Eastern Illinois University. Yet many people still don't keep their promises, indulge infidelity, or overlook basic communication that cultivates it with their spouses.
So, you probably have a good marriage if these trustworthy behaviors feel normal and natural to you in your relationship. You're not only committed to your partner, you remind them that they can trust you with other actions, like being vulnerable and keeping your promises.
4. Doing nothing together
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According to psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, doing nothing together can actually be a sign that a couple is in a healthy relationship. In the chaos of everyday life, work, and family responsibilities, carving out time for peaceful serenity is what allows couples to truly bond and be present with each other.
Whether it's reading alongside each other, watching a TV show, or sleeping in on a weekend morning, it's these moments of nothing and quiet that often feel normal to people who have good marriages.
5. Sharing responsibilities
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While no healthy relationship is realistically going to be 50/50 all of the time, sharing responsibilities depending on each partner's capacity for things like chores, childcare, and emotional labor is one of the things that should feel normal to a spouse in a great marriage.
Especially considering women tend to bear the most responsibility for household chores and labor, despite working the same or more than their male counterparts in a relationship, having a system that relieves one person from taking on too much can prevent resentment and mistrust from sabotaging a healthy relationship.
6. Emotionally supporting one another
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You have a good marriage if emotionally supporting your partner feels normal to you, even in times of hardship, chronic stress, or disappointment. The healthiest couples maintain a level of loyalty, trust, and commitment even during the rough patches that allows them to communicate and resolve conflict without fear of losing the other — a habit that's powerful, but more rare than it might seem.
While a marriage or the longevity of a relationship may not be an indicator of sheer loyalty, a couple's commitment to each other is a strong one, giving them the tools and foundation to support each other, even when they don't agree or feel disappointed in the other.
7. Apologizing
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Genuine apologies are often the quickest way to promote forgiveness in a relationship, according to a study from Scientific Reports, which is why they're a practice that the healthiest couples indulge often. Even if it means apologizing when they don't feel they've done anything wrong, simply for the sake of emotionally supporting their partner or making them feel heard, they're willing to put their ego aside for connection.
While crafting a truly effective apology isn't always easy at first, it's a practice that feels normal for partners that are in a truly good and healthy marriage or long-term relationship.
8. Making decisions together
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Whether it's creating financial habits, planning for the future, or simply crafting a routine that takes both partners' needs into consideration, you have a good marriage if making decisions together feels normal to you.
According to a study from the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, couples that practice decision-making skills together and value strong communication in their relationships tend to boast better relationship satisfaction than their counterparts who don't.
Of course, navigating all the complexities of life and a marriage isn't always easy, but with the right natural foundation of communication skills, everyone can feel heard in important ways without sacrificing their own well-being or needs.
9. Having difficult conversations
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Outside of making important decisions and resolving conflict, you have a good marriage if having hard conversations feels normal to you. It's this level of honest communication, empathy, and vulnerability that bonds partners — allowing them to feel supported and heard, even when they don't agree or when times are tough.
While there are a number of ways to facilitate healthy conversation in these situations, like a study from the University of Washington suggests, finding the right practice for couples depends on specific partner's needs and personalities.
10. Disagreeing
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Even though disagreeing and having arguments is generally seen as a fault of relationships, the truth is that having communication skills and the confidence to disagree with a partner is actually an indicator of its relationship fitness.
The key to these healthy conversations, according to marriage therapist Dr. B Janet Hibbs, is not letting concerns simmer. If you disagree, express it openly. The healthiest relationships and marriages know how to support each other, even in tough times and situations without compromising their mutual respect and trust.
11. Handling stress
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According to a study from Brain, Behavior, & Immunity, chronic stress negatively affects personal health and mental health, but it also has the potential to strain relationships and erode trust in a marriage.
When couples know how to handle trust — both as a team and individually in their personal lives — they boast healthier, more secure connections. So, you likely have a good marriage if handling stress and communicating concerns feel normal to you at home.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
