5 Daily Habits Of Couples Who Will Probably Never Divorce, According To Psychology
These daily rituals help couples stay close (and stay together.)
Hoi An Photographer | Unsplash Happy couples who thrive are not by any means 'perfect,' but it's learning to live with each other's differences that sets them apart from the couples that end up filing for divorce. This dynamic doesn't just happen either; it takes effort and a willingness to evolve as you both age.
Daily habits take the 'work' out of sustaining a happy, healthy, and long-lasting relationship, and when these habits become second nature, it makes all the difference in the world.
Here are 5 daily habits of couples who will probably never divorce, according to psychology:
1. They take a time out
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If your spouse is driving you crazy, the most important thing to do is to take a break from them. Yes, it's easier said than done these days, but it is possible. Your biggest enemy when your spouse is driving you crazy is proximity.
When you are in the same space with someone who is watching TV all day or farting often or slurping their coffee or whatever, unless you get away from them, you will most likely explode. And you probably already know from previous experience that exploding doesn’t make anything better.
So, what can you do to take your time out? Ideally, you would be able to go for a walk or a run. Exercise and sunshine are the best medicines when we are feeling angry or stressed out.
If it’s possible, go outside and as far away from your spouse as possible. If you can’t go outside, go into another room, take a bath, watch your TV show, or read a book. Put some distance between the two of you.
If your space is cramped, headphones can be a lifesaver. Listen to music, a podcast, or an audiobook. Or, you can simply use your headphones as earplugs.
If you can’t hear your person, more than likely, you will no longer be annoyed by them. Out of sight — or hearing — and out of mind.
2. They don't let things fester
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Yes, talking to them will just make it worse, right? And it will, if you do it right at the moment that your spouse is driving you crazy.
After you get enough space for your frustration and anger to dissipate, talk to your spouse about what is driving you crazy. Do it in a certain way in order for it to be successful.
If the way he slurps his coffee drives you nuts, tell him that the slurping sound makes you feel irritated. Not so much that you are irritated by him but at the sound of the slurping.
Of course, you can’t get mad at the coffee, so maybe he can make an effort not to slurp. If the noise is gone or reduced, you most likely won’t be as irritated.
If you tell your husband that he is driving you crazy by slurping his coffee, he will get defensive because you are attacking his actions. Instead, talking about how his actions make you feel is something that he can’t argue with.
Effective communication is crucial for the success and longevity of long-term marriages, fostering intimacy, trust, and problem-solving. Research shows that couples with strong communication skills tend to experience greater relationship satisfaction and closeness.
3. They cut each other slack
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One thing my therapist pointed out to me a long time ago is that none of us is perfect. And, of course, we rarely set out to drive each other crazy.
Be honest, do you think that your husband is slurping coffee just to annoy you, or is it a longstanding habit that you used to find endearing?
With that thought in mind, perhaps his actions would bother you less if you recognize that he isn’t setting out to drive you crazy — he is simply a person in the world who isn’t perfect.
There are probably a few things that you do that drive him nuts as well, and you do them because you aren’t perfect either, not because you want to bother him.
So, let your partner off the hook sometimes. It’s way better than getting all worked up.
4. They consider what's really going on
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I used to snap at my ex-husband a lot. Of course, some of it was because he was driving me crazy, but more often than not, there was something else going on.
I remember a lot of snapping when we were trying to get the kids out the door, getting them into bed, managing to get to a family event, or some other mundane but incredibly frustrating daily activity.
So, when your spouse is driving you crazy, take a moment and consider if it is they irritating you or if there is something else going on. It could be work or a body ache, your mother, or any other myriad of things.
If you can stop yourself before you get too frustrated, then the damage to your marriage might be minimal. Research argues that relationships are not static; they evolve. While outward appearances may suggest stability or even happiness, closer examination often reveals hidden dynamics that significantly impact the resilience of the marriage.
5. They regularly touch each other
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A hug can be better than a thousand words. One of the hardest things to do when your spouse is driving you crazy is to touch them, but it is the best thing you can do to fix it.
I am not saying that you have to go over and hug your spouse when they are driving you crazy. But I would encourage you to do so when you have done the above steps and settled down.
Physical contact is incredibly important to keep couples connected. For many married couples, intimacy gets complicated the longer the marriage goes on. And as a result, physical contact can also be curtailed because everyone is insecure about what that physical touch might mean.
So, putting aside intimacy, make an effort to hug your spouse for 10 seconds at least once a day. They say that a 10-second hug can make a huge difference in creating a connection between couples.
Try hugging. Even if it feels kind of weird and unnatural, try it. It could make a huge difference. Even outside of times of crisis, when your spouse is driving you crazy, life can be unpleasant.
Of course, you can sink into the anger and resentment. That happens in marriage because of unresolved issues. Or, you can try a few simple steps to try to repair things.
Take some time away to calm yourself down, make an effort to talk to your spouse about how you are feeling, recognize that they are only human and that perhaps they have something internal happening, and reach out and touch them.
Your spouse is someone whom you committed to love forever, in good times and in bad. Try to manage those moments in time when your spouse is driving you crazy and you are way more likely to live happily ever after..
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals who strive to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
