11 Brilliant Ways To Stop Giving Someone Access To You When They No Longer Deserve It
George Dolgikh | Pexels After a toxic relationship ends, people aren't always sure what to do with themselves. They're navigating the fallout of a breakup, dealing with stress and uncertainty. But even in the face of a bad situation, some people choose to stop giving their exes access to them, because they're no longer deserving of their time or energy.
But how can you remind someone in a less dramatic way that you're not willing to keep them part of your life? Usually, it's simple actions like blocking phone numbers or calling out their misbehavior. But really, it's about staying confident and setting boundaries to protect your peace.
Ways to stop giving people access to you when they don't deserve it
1. Unfollow their social media accounts
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If someone consistently oversteps your boundaries or sabotages your well-being, it's time to cut them off. But what does that truly look like, especially with a person you were once romantically involved with?
For starters, stop following them on social media. Doing this will actually help you move on quicker, too. Because when you're constantly seeing their photos and feeling anxious about it, you're setting yourself up for failure. Instead, put all of that time and energy back into yourself.
2. Stop explaining yourself
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According to psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, many people with poor communication skills and low self-esteem feel pressured to overexplain themselves to appease other people's comfort. With an ex, they consistently overlook their own needs and give in to toxic pressure.
But by no longer explaining yourself, you make decisions that are in your best interest. You quickly remove that toxic person from your life who has been taking advantage of your passiveness. It's letting them know they no longer have access to you.
3. Archive the memories
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Letting go of a toxic relationship can be a struggle, especially when you're always offered up reminders of the good times. When an old Facebook memory pops up or your phone's photo album shows you images from when things were still okay, it can spark guilt or regret over cutting them off.
But archiving those memories can ensure you're protecting your peace. You'll still have the memories to reflect on, but you're not forced to keep up with what's going on in their lives. You don't need to live in the past by reminiscing on old photos.
4. Block their number
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Disconnection can feel uncomfortable and strange at first, but sometimes it's exactly the kind of space we need to remind our ex that they no longer have access to us. They don't hold any influence over our well-being.
By blocking their number, you're in charge. You're redirecting any energy away from that person and back into yourself, getting on a healthy path. It can feel impossible to heal when the stress and resentment is triggered by them texting you randomly. But once you block them, there are no more unwelcome surprises.
5. Stop responding to them
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Many of us tend to make ourselves fully available to everyone in our lives. We respond to their messages immediately or give people grace when they take advantage of our kindness. We even put our own needs aside for the sake of their comfort and well-being.
But when you don't respond to an ex, you're letting them know they don't deserve your attention or time. You're not responding because you have your own responsibilities and are putting your comfort first. Eventually, when you stop responding altogether, they'll get the hint.
6. Do things for yourself
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The best way to stop giving access to an ex is to work on yourself. Start finding hobbies and cultivating a routine that's centered around you and your needs, rather than theirs.
Healthy habits, rooted in personal development and self-esteem, have the power to truly transform your life, according to a study from the National Institutes of Health, boosting your physical and mental health.
When you show up better for yourself, you're more likely to attract and build meaningful relationships with people who support you in your efforts to improve your own well-being. Meanwhile, hurt people with toxic intentions love to see you struggling.
7. Stay calm and distant in conversations
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If you're forced to interact with an ex who's been toxic or unproductive in your life, don't give them the satisfaction of an argument or highly emotional response. Instead, remain cool, calm, and collected.
When they attempt to get under your skin, you can quietly remind them that they're no longer deserving of your time. Emotional resilience isn't an easy practice to master, but it's something you can commit to on a daily basis. It protects your own well-being, even in the face of stress and toxicity.
8. Redirect discomfort into change
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Many people fear the unknown or the future because it's unpredictable. They may make bad decisions due to the uncertainty, but when you cut off a toxic ex, you can take that discomfort and redirect it into productivity or intentionality toward yourself. Everything can flourish in its wake.
Make the decision to redirect any kind of tension or resentment you have toward a hobby or stress-free routine. Go on a run or join a workout class. Make a passionate piece of art to cope with these feelings. But, most importantly, don't give them the satisfaction of ruining your whole mood.
9. Stop reaching out first
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If you're dealing with a toxic ex or are dealing with the fallout of a breakup, simply stop reaching out. It's obviously easier said than done, but chances are the silence will be deafening for them. Not only will it be a reminder that the effort you've been putting into the relationship was never mutual, it's also telling them they don't deserve access to your life.
Not everyone gets the privilege of being in your life, especially if they're taking advantage of your kindness and subtly disrespecting you. So, set boundaries and don't be afraid to protect your peace.
10. Stop talking about them
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While gossip promotes bonding and social connection in relationships, the consequences of consistently talking or gossiping about an ex outweighs any kind of positives. When you speak about someone, you're giving them power over your well-being. But when you stop bringing them up in casual conversations, you're taking back control.
By no longer speaking about them to anyone you know, they're no longer a main character in your story or a running topic. Instead, they're an afterthought and motivation for change.
11. Call them out on their misbehavior
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The best way to deal with someone you don't want in your life is to stay calm during an interaction. But if they're consistently disrespecting your boundaries or treating you poorly, even though you're not together anymore, there comes a time when it's appropriate to call it out.
Sometimes, standing up for yourself and publicly calling people out when they mistreat you is just one way of letting them know they can stay out of your life. They probably won't take your words to heart, but they'll surely feel the impact.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
