People Who've Had Their Heart Broken Often Carry 6 Habits Into New Relationships
Pressmaster | Shutterstock When someone is recovering from a broken heart, it can feel all-consuming.
But it can also affect how they approach future relationships. Because they're still dealing with the pain of a breakup from their past, they carry some pretty unhealthy habits into their new relationships.
Habits people often carry into new relationships when they've had their heart broken before
1. They're afraid to be vulnerable
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Heartbreak can make people want to hide their true selves. It's like armor against the potential for future heartbreak. They might disregard their own feelings or act differently than how they feel, all to mask their true selves.
In their relationships, this inability to be open with their emotions isn't a good thing. Because vulnerability helps couples build stronger relationships, when one partner can't show this side of themselves, they shouldn't expect that partnership to last very long.
2. They find it hard to commit
Due to their rejection of a previous partner, a person who has had their heart broken in this way may find it hard to commit to a new partner. To them, commitment means allowing themselves to be vulnerable, and they won't do it because they're afraid of getting hurt again.
They know they ended up with the wrong person, but being with someone new means the risk of history repeating itself. But by approaching their relationship this way, they're preventing their bond from deepening any further.
3. They compare their partner to their ex
Heartbreak is a very complicated matter. A heartbroken person might express feelings of longing for an ex, even if they know it was the right choice to leave.
They think about how things could have been if they never ended the relationship. So, they may constantly compare their new partner to their old one, wondering if their new relationship will also end the same way.
According to licensed mental health counselor Megan Haase, "When couples compare their relationship or partner to others, it can often lead to dissatisfaction, resentment, and hopelessness in both partners. Comparing your partner to someone else erodes the sense of commitment and stability in the relationship."
4. They need a lot of reassurance
After they've entered a new relationship, people still dealing with heartbreak may suffer from feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. But it can create a lack of trust with their partner.
They're relying solely on the affirmations of their partner, not having enough confidence themselves. So, without frequent compliments and validation, those insecurities can get out of control.
5. They self-sabotage
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When people feel unworthy of happiness an undeserving of positive outcomes, they might ruin their relationship before it even has a chance to grow. Because of their past experiences, they let their fears take over.
Even if they're doing so without realizing, by sabotaging their relationship, they're robbing themselves of true happiness.
6. They move startlingly fast or agonizingly slow
People who have had their heart broken may jump straight into a new relationship to replace the old one, or start a new relationship with caution. Moving too quickly may provide a temporary boost in confidence and validation, but the bond they form isn't authentic.
As clinician Maria Baratta pointed out, "Dating is about trying to figure out if the person is for you. And that takes time. Some people will say that they 'just know,' but many have been wrong. And that can hurt."
Allison Peterson contributes to YourTango through her writing on love, lifestyle, and relationships.
