11 Things You Quickly Learn When You're Dating An Only Child
They're loyal, expressive, and maybe just a little bad at sharing.
La Famiglia | Shutterstock Growing up as an only child can shape you in ways you don't fully understand until you’re older — especially when it comes to dating. As a kid, I sometimes envied my friends with siblings, even when they fought or complained about sharing. But now I see the pros and cons of being raised solo and how they show up in my relationships.
If you're dating an only child, there are some things you'll figure out pretty fast. As one myself, here's exactly what to expect.
Here are 11 brutal truths about loving an only child, as written by one:
1. We make decisions fast (and expect you to keep up)
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I can’t speak for all only children, but I was raised to be very self-reliant. From a young age, my parents forced me to make choices. Even as simple as "Choose between these outfits" in elementary school, they wanted me to be able to choose things for myself.
A 2023 summary by Thriveworks mentions that only children tend to develop self-reliance early because they lack siblings for support, stating, "Only children may learn to be self-reliant and independent at an early age." Because of this, I know exactly what I want and I’m not afraid to ask for it. Nothing turns me off more than an indecisive guy.
2. We have a hard time asking for help (even when we need it)
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When I furnished my first New York apartment (#IKEAforever), I bought myself a bottle of red wine, sat down with my toolbox, and put together every. last. piece. Did I mention I had a serious, long-term boyfriend at the time? It wasn’t that he couldn’t help me (he offered); it was that I wanted to do it myself. It’s been hard for me to learn over time that it’s OK to let someone take care of me every once in a while.
3. We need to feel adored
La Famiglia | Shutterstock
And duh: we grew up the center of attention. I put on singing performances, I drew all of the pictures, and I was basically given almost everything I wanted (except for that pony). And I’m not alone — research shows that only children often get more undivided parental attention, which can lead to higher confidence and a strong need for affirmation in adult relationships. I have also been reassured time and time again that I was amazing, compatible, beautiful, strong, smart, awesome … you get the picture.
In a relationship, I’ll need someone who tells me those things and who dotes on me. I promise to always return the compliments, though.
4. Our parents are everything (so their opinion of you matters)
La Famiglia | Shutterstock
Some folks could probably care less if their family approves of the person they date, but for me, it’s mandatory. If my mom and dad have a bone to pick with a man I drag home, then I know something isn’t right. Research indicates that only children often build closer bonds with their parents — probably because they get more focused attention. This can make parental approval feel especially meaningful and impactful.
I not only trust and value their opinions; they're my best friends. I talk to them every day — even just for five minutes — and whoever I marry has to be OK with that closeness.
5. We're not looking to marry another only child
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Not because I couldn’t love them (I totally could), but if I end up with one, our kids won’t have any aunts and uncles. (Except for our amazing friends, of course.) I'd prefer to be with someone who comes from a bigger family because balance is important to me.
6. We're expert cuddlers
MIGUEL MARTINEZ FRIAS | Shutterstock
I grew up with no less than five pillows, two stuffed animals, and a real-life dog in my bed at night. Nowadays, I’ve narrowed it down to three pillows and my pup, but when I do have a boy in my bed … I’m all about that spooning.
Attachment research shows that people raised with high levels of nurturing touch often carry that need for physical closeness into adulthood — making them natural cuddlers. Because I was very nurtured as a kid, I love the touch of skin against skin, I’m great at back scratches, and I’ll definitely be the one to wake you up for morning romp because I crave the closeness. (#winwin!)
7. We struggle with compromise (but we're working on it)
La Famiglia | Shutterstock
Thanks to some honest, lovely besties of mine, I’ve gotten better at compromising for other people. It’s not that I don’t want to meet in the middle; it’s just that I never really had to as a child. Research indicates that only children often miss out on early opportunities to learn sharing, cooperation, and conflict resolution — skills typically developed with siblings, so if I wanted to go to the park, there was no little or big sister to complain about doing something else. I’m getting better at it, but it isn’t instinctive for me. I still need practice.
8. We're fiercely loyal
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My best friends really do feel like my brothers and sisters, and because of that, I’ve invested a lot of time, hope, work, and love into those friendships. Because I never had a sibling growing up, I spent more time having sleepovers or going to other homes of friends my age. In my book, water's just as thick as blood.
9. We spend a lot of time in our heads (probably too much)
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My imagination is like wildfire: As a kid, I would create elaborate, heroic scenes with my Barbies, and these days, I can see a handsome man walking down the block near my apartment and plan our wedding in about three minutes. This creativity makes me a great writer, but it can also be the death of me: I spend so much time thinking that sometimes I forget to live in the moment.
10. We want a big family
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Like four of them, no joke. I’d like to get started in about five years. (Here’s to hopin’!) Research and personal stories consistently show that only children often feel lonely growing up, and many grow up wanting larger families to give their kids what they didn't have. As one only-child mom said, "I realized that I didn’t want my children to be lonely like I was."
So it makes sense that incorporating that deep-seated desire into my (or your) own life feels like more than hope — it feels like legacy.
11. We love hard and know how to express it
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When it comes to love, I’m not afraid. I’ve been told 'I love you' every single day by my parents for the past 26 years, and when I say those words to someone, I mean them with all of my heart. Even if it’ll take a strong man to put up with my sass, independence, need for reassurance, and over-analysis of, well, everything. I’m worth it. Promise.
Lindsay Tigar is an experienced travel and lifestyle journalist, content strategist, and editor whose work has appeared in Travel + Leisure, Vogue, USA Today, Fast Company, and a myriad of other publications.
