12 Things A Self-Respecting Woman Will Never Give Up For The Sake Of A Relationship
If love means losing yourself, it's not love worth keeping.
PH888 | Shutterstock Caroline came alone into my bridal salon, clearly rushed to order a specific gown. I could see how tense and miserable she was, so I convinced her to pause for a quick consultation. The dress she wanted was completely wrong for her figure, but she nervously checked her watch as if on borrowed time. When I asked why she wasn't enjoying the process, she broke down and cried. Caroline's wealthy and demanding fiancé had chosen the gown for her. He gave her only thirty minutes to buy it, monitored her phone, and dictated her every move.
Caroline's story is a textbook case of a woman giving up her voice and freedom in a relationship that shrinks rather than supports her. Too many women sacrifice their passions, friendships, and sense of self for love, ignoring the red flags right in front of them. But a healthy partnership should make you feel more alive, not less. When you surrender your identity to please someone else, you chip away at your self-worth. You are worthy of love for exactly who you are — no compromises required. With that in mind, there are certain things no self-respecting woman should ever give up for the sake of her relationship.
Here are 12 things self-respecting women will never give up for the sake of a relationship:
1. Your sense of identity
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Know that you are magnificent already. You may think that you’re not good enough, but don’t undervalue yourself or what you’re capable of becoming.
You want to be with someone who appreciates you just as you are, even with your imperfections, because he really sees you instead of wanting to change you. You want someone who appreciates you as you are, because studies show that people with a clear sense of self (self‑concept clarity) and their partners both report higher relationship satisfaction, thanks to stronger couple identity and more supportive coping.
2. The right to make your own decisions
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Do what feels right for you and don’t give your power away. In relationships, there will be compromises, but even so, you must have the space to think and do what feels fair. Give, but don’t allow yourself to be used.
You don’t have to settle, and there is no need to rush into any commitment if you’re not ready. Don’t allow others to control your happiness. Your instincts will guide you, so pay attention.
3. Your circle of friends and family
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Any relationship that restricts you from seeing other important people in your life — like your family and friends — and isolates you is not worth it: studies show couples with fewer shared friends report lower relationship satisfaction and greater risk of split-ups, and isolation alone poses serious risks to your mental and physical health.
It’s time to break free. This is manipulation, possession, and obsession, and it’s a far cry from true love. You are allowing yourself to be robbed of your self-esteem and personal freedom to choose.
4. Your voice
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Sharing your thoughts and feelings candidly and with integrity makes for a wholesome relationship — and research shows perceived authenticity in partners is tied to higher relationship satisfaction, stronger self-esteem, and less conflict. It’s about being authentic, not sacrificing your self-respect, but staying rooted in your beliefs.
5. Your body image and how you feel about it
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Believing you must change your body image to win another’s love does not serve you. Your decision to do whatever you wish must be for you and for your own health and well-being — not for another. It must be your conscious choice of how you want to be.
There is an unrealistic expectation in society that a woman must be a certain size, must dress a certain way, and must have certain material things to be worthy of attracting love. The media flaunts images of models who are sizes 0, 2, and 4, but in fact, 80 percent of women in the world are between sizes 14 and 22.
Accept your body as it is and be comfortable in your own skin. Language is very powerful because it’s a declaration of what you believe to be true, so only speak kind words about yourself to yourself. The man who is worthy of you will love the entire package you’re in without wanting to change a thing.
6. Chemistry and communication
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It does not matter how cute, educated, or successful your partner is. Without that gut-twisting chemistry, you’re just roommates in denial: studies show that true chemistry is a mysterious spark tied to satisfaction and emotional connection. Likewise, you need compatibility in values, beliefs, and communication style. Research shows that recognizing similarities at these core levels can lead to a better understanding between people, make resolving conflicts easier, and increase overall relationship satisfaction.
Are you compatible as far as your morals and ethics, values and beliefs, religion and politics, educational background, and financial standing? All of these contribute to sustaining a strong bond and friendship. Communication is extremely important. Beyond what you see outwardly, you need to enjoy each other’s company and be able to communicate openly and engage in interesting conversations.
7. Your inner peace and joy
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Never allow anyone to rob you of your joy. You have the freedom to sing out loud, paint your walls, write poetry, read whatever you fancy until the wee hours of the morning if you wish, love and laugh, sip your favorite wine, play your favorite music and dance, meditate when you want to, do yoga, do whatever it takes to bring inner peace and make you whole.
There is nothing worse than coming to the end of life and realizing that you wasted your life living on someone else’s terms, always tiptoeing, afraid to laugh, to sing, or just to be silly.
8. Your life goals
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Follow the path that makes the most sense for you, and always be true to yourself. Studies show couples who coordinate on personal goals are dramatically more likely to achieve them and enjoy greater life satisfaction — and living someone else’s idea of your life only breeds resentment and misery.
Always be yourself and walk your own path. Your life goals matter, so make sure to communicate them clearly and allow your partner to share them as well so that you may support each other toward their fulfillment.
9. Your expectations of his commitments
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A man who does not live up to the commitments he makes shows he lacks responsibility. To build a trusting relationship, your partner must live up to his commitments.
Does he do what he says he is going to? Does he show up when he is supposed to, or at least call ahead if he is running late? Or does he make you wait constantly? A man shows his love by the commitments he willingly makes and keeps.
10. Your stability
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Addiction is anything that takes a person away from handling normal responsibilities — it erodes trust, intimacy, and emotional connection, and often plunges relationships into cycles of conflict and emotional distance. There are many kinds of vices — drinking, smoking, gambling, shopping, computer games — anything and everything that takes the person away from being present, from being calm or authentic.
Addicted people are unable to show up, handle stuff, or be responsive in a loving way to your needs and requests. They avoid issues that need their attention and live in a world of make-believe. They become overly angry and full of rage if they are deprived or if they are in the throes of their addiction. Their behavior easily and often turns abusive.
There is not much you can do, nothing you can fix. This is their battle, one they must wish to overcome and master, and one they must be committed to overcoming. You can’t change them, and you can only be present and support them from afar, if possible, until they are completely healed. Know that you are powerless over what that person is going to do.
Commit to taking care of yourself, surrounding yourself with your own support system, and establishing your boundaries. Give them time to prove they are committed to their recovery and allow them to use their time to get their act together. You will know what feels best for you and make your own decision about whether to stay or leave.
11. Your self-respect
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Let’s face it: some dysfunctional men love to control and manipulate. They can become very dominant and disrespectful and threaten you if you go against their wishes.
If you don’t set your boundaries early on and train your partner to respect you, then you’re sending the message that he can always expect you to be that way, and he will walk all over you. Maintain your integrity and uphold your self-respect. Assert yourself and instill in your partner a clear sense of respecting your boundaries.
12. Your sense of self through constant sacrifice
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In your frustration and desperation, you feel you must sacrifice for love — so you give in, over‑give, and scramble for approval until you're running on empty. Research shows that when self-esteem depends on relationship success (what psychologists call relationship-contingent self-esteem), you lose your independence, become emotionally dependent, and fall into resentment. Soon, you end up having all this built-up anger and resentment because you’re running on empty, and you realize that you’re really not getting what you want from the relationship.
You over-give and you do everything to earn his love. You have all the evidence that he can’t be the man you want him to be, and yet you stay and give more. You find yourself in the same predicament with everyone you meet because the pattern sneaks in, even though you promised yourself that you were going to draw a boundary and take care of your needs first.
You have not learned what it is to receive love, and until you do, your relationships cannot shift and change.
Rani St. Pucchi is a writer who has been featured in The Huffington Post, Thrive Global, and Medium. She is the author of The Soulmate Checklist: Keys to Finding Your Perfect Partner.
