Women Who Can't Find A Good Man Usually Make These 11 Mistakes
If good men keep slipping through your fingers, this could be the reason why.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A "Why can't I find a good man?" is a question women everywhere ask themselves, and for good reason. These days, it can feel like good men are harder than ever to come by. Scrolling through dating apps often makes it easy to believe that decent men don't even exist anymore. But the truth is, they do. Statistically, there are plenty of kind, respectful, and loyal men out there who want lasting love. The challenge isn't that good men don't exist — it's figuring out how to actually meet them.
If you keep wondering why you can't find or attract a good man, the answer may not be as simple as bad luck. According to New York Times best-selling author and law of attraction coach Christy Whitman, “The reason someone can’t find what they call ‘good men’ is because they are attracting the ‘bad men’ based on what they feel they deserve deep down. When someone truly loves themselves and has healthy boundaries, they start attracting different types of men.” In other words, the problem isn't that there aren't any good men — it's that certain patterns and choices may be getting in the way.
Women who can't find a good man usually make these 11 mistakes:
1. You're stuck on your 'type'
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A lot of people tend to assume that they can only date a certain “type” of person, but that often leads to them ignoring good people who might actually be better for them.
While there’s nothing wrong with standards, refusing to date people based on things like their height or the music they listen to might be a sign you’re being too picky.
There's a difference between having reasonable deal-breakers and writing a nice guy off because you're scared to get too close.
2. You chase every man who shows interest
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Desperation is not attractive. I understand wanting a man with all your heart and feeling rejected. But getting aggressive in your pursuit of one never works, except when it comes to attracting users and abusers. Research shows that holding back early on rather than diving in headfirst can make you more appealing, because playing it slightly harder to get actually boosts desirability.
Good men don’t want women who will take anyone, and if you were honest with yourself, you probably wouldn’t want a guy who would take anyone, either. Tone it down a notch!
3. You're holding out for perfection
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As much as it pains me to say this, there is such a thing as dating out of your league, and trying to do this could mean that you’re missing out on decent men who would date you.
If you want someone incredible, you need to have something to offer them that’s equally attractive.
Moreover, there’s a certain limit to how great someone can be. Nobody, not even Beyoncé, is perfect, and if you’re waiting for Mr. Perfect, you’re going to be single for a very long time.
The best way to find a decent man is by setting your standards high enough so you don't get walked all over, but not so high that they're unrealistic.
4. You never actually go out
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This one always bugs me. How are you going to meet new people if you don’t go out?
Most of the time, online dating doesn’t yield good results. In fact, a third of all men on those sites are already in relationships.
Your best bet is to find a good guy in person, so go out and have fun.
However, it is true that some people have been very lucky to find good men on dating apps, so don't discount them completely!
5. You act like the world revolves around you
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Expecting your date to treat you with respect is a given, and it’s totally reasonable. What isn’t reasonable is expecting a man to shower you with presents every single date, pay for everything, and also put up with temper tantrums.
If you act like a diva, don’t be shocked if men eventually get sick of it and bail, because that's definitely why you can't find a good man.
6. You surround yourself with toxic people
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Part of meeting good men is hanging out with a crowd that has decent people in it. Research shows that negative behaviors and attitudes can spread through social groups via peer contagion. This means that being constantly around people who display cheating, commitment issues, or emotional toxicity can normalize and reinforce those patterns in your life and social connections.
If everyone in your clique has domestic violence issues, cheating, and commitment issues, you’re not going to find a good man via that clique’s connections. Birds of a feather tend to flock together, so you might need to change your scene if you want to get a decent partner.
7. You secretly don't like men
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If you’ve ever gone on a date with a woman-hater, you already know how uncomfortable that makes you. Believe it or not, men can pick up on bad vibes, too, and the negativity bias research shows that one negative cue can outweigh many positives in forming their impression of you.
"You also create from your expectations. So if you believe there are only 'bad men' out there, that is what you will attract," Whitman explains. "Start to look for 'good men' and tell yourself why you can attract one."
If this sounds like you, you might need to take a break from dating.
8. You try to 'buy' love
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I’ve been here, and yes, I understand what a bad place you have to be in for this to become a habit. The thing is that men who are worth your time will never want to accept a bribe for a date.
One study shows that when women receive very expensive gifts early in a relationship, they often interpret them negatively, precisely because they suggest obligation or imbalance instead of real affection. Doing this only attracts the worst men and scares good men away.
9. You never make the first move
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It is difficult for women to find a good man or Mr. Right, typically, because they refuse to put themselves out there.
Guys get nervous! A lot of men are intimidated by women to the point that they won’t approach them. Ask them out, and you might be surprised at how many of the shy ones will be great guys to date. One study found that women who start online conversations are 2.5 times more likely to receive a reply — often from more desirable men — than those who don't reach out first.
10. You don't realize how you come across
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A huge portion of dating involves having enough social skills to get along with people, present the right image, and also just talk to people effectively. A lot of the mistakes and issues that keep good women single all boil down to self-awareness and social skills. Research shows that having higher emotional intelligence — which means being more aware of your own actions and how others see you — is connected to more happiness and success in romantic relationships.
Thankfully, there are ways to improve these things, and that can help you meet the man of your dreams.
11. You've stopped working on yourself
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Everyone has something they can improve. I have my flabby stomach and caustic attitude towards men, but others might have smaller issues.
The better you look, act, and feel, the more attractive you are. The more attractive you are, the more likely it is that decent men will want you.
A little improvement can go a long, long way, so give it a try if things just aren’t working. You never know what might happen.
If you’re making any of these mistakes, you are hurting your chances of finding Mr. Right.
Stop asking yourself, "Why can't I find a partner?" and "Why is it so hard to find a good man?" and do something about it!
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a renegade writer who focuses on dating, relationships, love, and all sorts of lifestyle stuff. She writes about things she's experienced, things she finds interesting, and things that matter.
