Photo: PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock
Rori Raye's counterintuitive tips on getting your man to commit.
By YourTango — Updated on Mar 03, 2023
At first, dating expert Rori Raye's ideas about how to get a man to commit seemed counterintuitive: Don't be his girlfriend? Don't try to win him over?
But then we realized this: Rori wants us to get a man to commit by being our most authentic selves, which, in turn, allows men to be their most authentic selves. And that makes a lot of sense.
These tips are only the beginning.
Here are 10 surprisingly effective ways to get a guy to commit:
1. Love him, but don't be his girlfriend
Being his girlfriend means being exclusive without a "forever" promise. If you want to get married, don't be his girlfriend. A man might tell you that he needs time to decide if you're right for him, but according to Rori, men know very soon whether or not you're The One.
2. Don't be exclusive until you're engaged
Once you've become exclusive and have your eye on marriage, a man can sense that you're thinking about the relationship, wondering where things are going, hoping he loves you as much as you love him—all of which are totally normal feelings, but they make men withdraw emotionally, says Rori.
Not being exclusive gives you room to breathe, relax and really figure out if this is the relationship for you, which allows him to fall for you without worrying that you're overly invested in him.
3. Date more than one man at once
The corollary to not being exclusive is dating more than one guy at a time.
That way you can compare men to each other, you don't feel urgent about one particular man, and you're able to be open to new opportunities. Of course, if he's ready to commit and marry you then by all means, be exclusive—but not until he's ready to really commit.
4. Be able to receive love
If a man doesn’t think you're able to be loved, he won't be able to commit. You need to show him that you can handle his emotions and believe that he loves you.
5. Don't try to win him over
Don't make him dinner every night, clean his place for him and come over as soon as he says he has the flu. That will put you in the mother or friend category.
6. Tell him what you want
If you want to get engaged and he's stalling, tell him what you want. Be kind but direct. Keep it short and simple. And above all, be emotionally available to whatever his response is.
7. Tell him how you feel
This is different from the "Here's what I want" speech. Telling him how you feel means expressing yourself in a non-judgmental, open way. If a man is guessing at what you're feeling he won't be able to connect with you.
8. Be vulnerable
You may be a CEO or President or Chairman of the Board, but if a man can't see your vulnerable, authentic self he won't be able to be open with you, either. If you let him see your secret sensitive side he'll feel safe with you and will be able to let his guard down around you, too.
9. Be in touch with your feelings
In order to do all of the above you need to be in touch with your feelings so that you can choose how you react to your feelings instead of allowing your feelings to control your actions.
10. Allow him to be who he really is
A man wants to be with a woman with whom he can be completely himself. That doesn't mean being a jerk or doing typical guy things—it means expressing his true feelings—his real self. And you help him do that by doing the same with him: be your real self, feel and express your real feelings, and your man will fall for you—forever.
More for You:
YourTango brings a community of readers, writers, thought leaders, and the world’s leading relationship and mental health experts together to connect and engage where it matters most: the heart.