If You Don't Want Men To Take You For Granted, Say Goodbye To To These 10 Habits
Respect starts with what you tolerate.
Monstera Production | Canva At first, when dating, you think you want to do everything to get a man to commit, but the reality is you need to be aware of certain habits so you don't get taken for granted. The way women often end up heartbroken is by stumbling into a forced commitment.
If you don't want to be taken for granted in a relationship, you need to find a man who will commit to you because you are being your most authentic self. In turn, being yourself allows him to be his most authentic self. When two people in a relationship are delivering their true selves, you don't have to worry about being forgotten in the routine.
If you don't want men to take you for granted, say goodbye to these habits:
1. Acting like his girlfriend too soon
Being his girlfriend means being exclusive without a "forever" promise. If you want to get married, don't be his girlfriend. A man might tell you he needs time to decide if you're right for him, but most men know very soon whether or not you're the one.
Relationship coach Rene Schooler advised, "The one will be aligned with you, will be able to back what they are saying with their words, will be able to take responsibility for their past relationships and the events that happened, will put vetting and getting to know you as a priority, will communicate clearly about where they are at and where they have been accepting that they have room for growth and not just wanting and talking about doing the work on self but actually will be doing the continual work on self.
2. Being exclusive before he commits
Hrecheniuk Oleksii via Shutterstock
Once you've become exclusive and have your eye on marriage, a man can sense that you're thinking about the relationship, wondering where things are going, hoping he loves you as much as you love him—all of which are normal feelings, but they make men withdraw emotionally, says Rori.
Not being exclusive gives you room to breathe, relax, and figure out if this is the relationship for you, which allows him to fall for you without worrying that you're overly invested in him.
3. Assuming exclusivity before it's mentioned
The corollary to not being exclusive is dating more than one guy at a time. That way, you can compare men to each other, you don't feel urgent about one particular man, and you're able to be open to new opportunities. Of course, if he's ready to commit and marry you, then by all means, be exclusive—but not until he's ready to commit.
Personal development coach Lisa Shultz advised dating three men to slow the process of quick intimacy. "When you date only one, you may rush intimacy, which can diminish the chances of a long and lasting love. By slowing the whole process down, you have a chance to dig in deep and learn about the compatibility of a long-term relationship. The relationship will be built on a stronger foundation by delaying sleeping together."
4. Being closed off to receiving love
If a man doesn’t think you're able to be loved, he won't be able to commit. You need to show him you can handle his emotions and believe he loves you.
A person who is ready for true intimacy is aware of the risks and uncertainty that come with falling in love. They know that the relationship will grow and evolve into something extraordinary ... or it won't. Either way, this person understands they will be better for it since the love and support they have for themselves will always be there, no matter who else comes and goes.
5. Trying to win him over
kenchiro168 via Shutterstock
Don't make him dinner every night, clean his place for him, and come over as soon as he says he has the flu. That will put you in the mother or friend category.
Dating coach Dina Colada cautioned us about getting mommy zoned, "We all like to be doted on sometimes. We all like to feel adored. But what I'm talking about here are the women who think they need to take care of their man," to keep him around. Here's the problem: doting on a man like a mother does will eventually turn him off.
"We need to leave it up to mothers to act like mothers. If you spend more time scrubbing bubbles and washing dishes and less time with them kissing your neck, you need to see why you could be in the mommy zone."
6. Concealing what you want
If you want to get engaged and he's stalling, tell him what you want. Be kind but direct. Keep it short and simple. And above all, be emotionally available to whatever his response is.
"Like an emotionally unavailable man, an emotionally unavailable woman is someone who has a fear of being vulnerable in their relationships," explained marriage and family therapist Darlene Lancer. "But to hide her fear of commitment or intimacy, she may pass herself off as a highly independent person who has no interest in forming an emotional connection to last."
7. Hiding your feelings
This is different from the "Here's what I want" speech. Telling him how you feel means expressing yourself in a non-judgmental, open way. If a man is guessing at what you're feeling, he won't be able to connect with you.
Marriage counselor Nicola Beer advised, "Safely expressing feelings can lead to happier and healthier relationships, so you and your partner can feel closer. You'll be able to express your love, appreciation, joy, admiration, and kindness to your partner. Avoid stating beliefs, perceptions, judgments, and thoughts, instead of feelings, as they don’t help the conversation and connection as much as expressing true feelings."
8. Fearing vulnerability
You may be a CEO or President, or Chairman of the Board, but if a man can't see your vulnerable, authentic self, he won't be able to be open with you, either. If you let him see your secret, sensitive side, he'll feel safe with you and will be able to let his guard down around you, too.
"Opening up to our partner can make us feel vulnerable and exposed, but vulnerability in a relationship is the most important ingredient of having a trusting, intimate companion," explained therapist Terry Gaspard. "Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, but it's a strength.
"While all relationships present risks, they are risks worth taking. Even if you have been abandoned or cheated on, you can surrender your shield and allow your partner in. Healthy partnerships are within reach if you let go of fear and believe you're worthy of love and all of the gifts it has to offer."
9. Being emotionally disconnected
Sergey Sharkov via Shutterstock
To do all of the above, you need to be in touch with your feelings so you can choose how you react to your feelings instead of allowing your feelings to control your actions.
Relationship coach Christy Goldstein cautions us about emotional disconnect leading to game playing, "Sometimes you play certain games while dating someone, and you might not even know that you're doing it or the pain it could cause. Playing games will only get you so far, and as a relationship coach, I can tell you that none of those tactics work! They actually will have the opposite effect, and then you are the jealous ex looking at their social media accounts to try to get a glimpse of the life you could have had."
10. Not respecting who he is at his core
"Instead of a man being asked to give up something (as he would if he were being asked to give up his freedom and commit before he is ready), he's being asked to work towards something he deeply wants as well," explained dating coach Clayton Olson. "He's being asked to work towards forming a bond and figuring out if there could be a future. Asking this of a man aligns both of you toward a vision of what you ultimately want and allows a woman to rid herself of anyone who isn't willing to put forth any effort.
A man wants to be with a woman with whom he can be completely himself. That doesn't mean being a jerk or doing typical misogynistic things — it means expressing his true feelings — his real self. And you help him by doing the same with him: be your real self, feel and express your real feelings, and your man will fall for you forever.
YourTango is a purpose-driven publisher focused on love, relationships, emotional wellness, and self-empowerment.
