The Surprising Factor That's Stopping You From Meeting 'The One'

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By Sile Walsh

You can meet lots of people, date lots of people, and even be in long-term relationships. But the person you're dreaming of is looking for someone who is in their power, owning their stuff, and healing!

Someone amazing is looking for someone else amazing. So, becoming your best self is the surest way, the only way really, to meet someone amazing.

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Anyone you meet who is truly the "right person" for you is taking you (or leaving you) for what you offer.

If you are not in your full power, being your best self, they get a partial representation of who you really are. It might not even be a partial representation; it may be you showing up as someone who, at their core, isn’t you at all but who you think you should be.

Write a list of all the qualities the person you want to be with has. (Actually, write the list, please don't read on until you do.)

Now, ask yourself if this is the kind of person who would date someone not fully alive, not fully in their power. Would this person gravitate towards you, would you be shining enough to be seen by them?

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Are you capable or ready to hold that kind of space with another person? REALLY?

Or are you looking for someone to make you feel loved enough, good enough, attractive enough, and complete enough, while you refuse to do the work to show up as all that you really are?

If you're out there seeking someone else to validate or fulfill you, then you will attract someone else who isn't in their power, someone looking to be fulfilled who isn't complete in their own life. That equals two takers with very little to offer the relationship.

Would the person you dream of own their stuff and heal, or do they look to you to take it on and heal it? Because when you lay responsibility on someone else to make you feel whole, you will also end up blaming them for what you are missing.

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I am not saying don't date unless you are flawless or "healed."

If we did that, none of us would be dating. What I am saying is to take steps towards being whole and healthy, so you and the person of your dreams can hold that space together.

When you find a pattern of seeking something from another or being overly attached, it's a big flashing light that you need to heal something. Love yourself enough so that when you meet the person of your dreams, you will be able to hold that space and know how to be loved.

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Everyone has stuff. If you have a story that says there are no good men or women out there, then that's highlighting something within you, not the dating pool.

How do I know? I get to meet amazing men and women every day who are on a journey of personal development, a journey of self-love, and the ones who learn to heal and love themselves simply have better dating experiences and relationship experiences, but after and during their self-work compared to before.

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Sile Walsh is a Psychological Coach and Consultant in private practice. She specializes in combining individual and systemic perspectives to support individual, relational, and organizational development.