When He Says 'We're Talking,' This Is What He Really Means

It could either be a bad or good sign, depending on a few things.

When He Says 'We're Talking,' This Is What He's REALLY Saying Getty Images

We've all heard someone say that they're "talking to" someone they're interested in, and most frequently, it's men who say it.

When a guy tells you, "We're talking," it can be frustrating.

It can be hard to understand what that means.

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Clearly, you probably have been doing more than just talking, so why the ambiguity? 

Well, the truth isn't too nice.


The fact is that guys will say that they're "talking to" a woman when he's still playing the field.

It's a sign that means that he's still keeping his options open, that there really isn't a commitment being discussed, and that there's a good chance things may not be completely sure quite yet.


In plain English, this is a euphemism that is most commonly used when a guy still considers himself single. It's his way of saying "It's not really serious."

There's some good news and some bad news about the reveal.

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The good news is that "talking to" someone is a good first step towards an actual relationship at times. It may mean that you two are still just literally trying to figure out whether the both of you mesh. If you literally just met him, you're 100 percent sure he's not dating anyone else, and you have only been on one or two dates, having a guy admit he's "talking" with you is a good sign.


However, there's the other kind of "we're talking" that can arise — and that isn't good news. A lot of guys will use the phrase "we're talking" as a way of skirting the issue of commitment or even covering up the fact that you're the side chick.

So, how can you tell the difference between the good and bad versions of this line? It all comes down to a number of factors:

1. Timing

If you've been "talking" for more than three months, it's time to walk away. It shouldn't take this long for a guy to decide whether he wants to be with you.

2. Commitment

Have you already broached the topic of commitment, only to have him hem and haw? Does he seem really against the idea of labeling things? If so, I have some bad news to tell you.

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3. Appearances

A man who is super-lovey in private but only tells others that you're "talking" is a man who is a player. A man who is cautious with you in public and in private might be the real deal.

4. Date quality

"We're talking" can mean he views you as a booty call or as a potential lover, and much of how he sees you can be seen in how he treats you. Guys don't text girls they want to seriously date at 3 AM, nor do they shove you out the door after you sleep with them.

Here's the thing about this phrase: it removes your commitment, too. So use that to your advantage.

Go ahead and flirt with other guys. Go on dates with them, too. This fills up your schedule and also makes him realize that he could lose you if he doesn't commit stronger than just "talking" to you.


It also gives you the added perk of being able to compare different guys and give you the opportunity to choose who you want to be in a more rational manner. If he gets upset or whines, just tell him, "I thought we were just talking. Do you want more than that?"

That being said, if you feel like he's using you as the other woman in his relationship, it may be time to dig up proof and show it to his girlfriend. She deserves to know that he's "talking to" other girls, and she probably deserves someone better than that scumbag.

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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.