4 Brutally Honest Reasons Why He Stopped Initiating Intimacy

How to get back your spicy love life.

Curious woman finds out the brutally honest reasons he stopped initiating intimacy. Dean Drobot | Canva

We all go through ups and downs in a long-term relationship — I'm no exception to this rule. One thing I’ve noticed in my own relationship, as well as in my clients, is that there can be a phase in which your husband, boyfriend, or partner is no longer initiating intimacy with you. You may be thinking, “I’m not attractive anymore,” “He doesn’t think I’m hot,” or, “He doesn't desire me anymore.” You're all up in your head spinning around a hundred different stories. You might even feel a little resentful or hurt for him not touching you passionately like he used to. The only way to solve it is communication.


Here are 4 brutally honest reasons why he stopped initiating intimacy:

1. He's protecting himself from getting his feelings hurt

Weird, isn’t this one of the reasons you don’t initiate either? If you consistently deny him, he's not going to want to be turned down anymore — he's protecting his feelings. This is an instance of swallowing your feelings and being the first to say something. Your relationship, and intimate life, will thank you for it. 

RELATED: 8 Tender Ways To Rekindle Intimacy In A Relationship That's Gone Stale

2. He's worried about you

Maybe you have been experiencing pain during intimacy and had to stop him. He feels like he was hurting you and of course, he doesn’t want to do that, so in an attempt to protect you, he's not pushing the matter. He probably thinks you'll initiate when you feel ready.

@thepelvicdancefloor 🚨 pain isn’t normal 🚨 dc: @dariushickman_ ♬ GOODIES x WORK BY MISSY ELLIOT REMIX - JRBITZ

RELATED: I Stopped Being Intimate With My Husband And We're Closer Than Ever

3. He is insecure and unsure

Behind his tough, confident, manly front he doesn’t exactly know what to do to please you (perhaps you haven’t told him exactly how to do that?) He might be thinking that he can’t make you feel good, that he doesn’t have the moves or looks anymore, or that you aren’t as attracted to him. These are tricky situations that can turn into a vicious cycle, but it doesn’t have to. You can have the love life (and life) you desire simply by communicating what you enjoy during the act. Don't be afraid to help him out. 

@annnexmp guys pls lmk, but that third point hit different😅 #foryoupage ♬ original sound - Hi, Hello it's Anne ❤️

RELATED: How To Deal With A Lack Of Affection In Your Relationship


4. He is super stressed or exhausted

It isn’t always about you. I know it's hard to believe sometimes, but he could just be drained from outside circumstances such as work, a health situation, or situations with family or friends that are emotionally draining. It has happened to all of us at different times, and he's no exception.

RELATED: The Surprisingly Simple Way To Solve Your #1 Relationship Problem

Allison Braun is a leader and business coach. She has a very holistic approach and uses her intuition, education, and background in Natural Health, Reiki/Energy Work, Coaching, Psychology, and Intimacy, plus her natural gift of making anyone feel comfortable opening up and helping them live fully.