5 Small Behaviors That Separate Women Who Are Valued From Women Who Are Overlooked
Daniel Radford | Unsplash If you've ever been in unhealthy or downright destructive relationships, I'll bet now you can quickly list all of the red flags you "should have" seen back then. You can tell us what to avoid and when to get out of there, but can you also recognize the red flags that you were sending up? After all, it takes two to dance the toxic relationship tango. What would your ex say about you? As women, we spend a lot of time figuring out if we want to stay in a particular relationship. Is it working for us? Does he value us in the way we ought to be valued — or does he tend to overlook?
It's easy to settle into a good relationship and not give it a second thought. If everything is going well (for you), there's no reason to second-guess it, right? Wrong. It's equally important to stop and check in on our good relationships, too. Yes, you want to make sure you're not seeing any red flags, but also that you aren't sending any up either. Not sure if you are or aren't? Well, there are a few behaviors that indicate everything is fine, that you're a true-blue, gem of a girl, and that he'd be wise to hang on.
Here are 5 small behaviors that separate women who are valued from women who are overlooked:
1. You actively work to earn his respect
Who you are and how you carry and express yourself inspires him. He respects your opinion, your judgment, your character, and your choices. He can (and does) look up to you. He asks for your input. He is proud that you're the one by his side.
Studies found that mutual respect is a strong predictor of both relationship satisfaction and commitment. When partners genuinely respect each other's character and value each other's opinions, they're way more likely to stay committed and feel happy in the relationship long-term.
2. You build him up
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You are his #1 champion. You remind him often (especially on his hard days) of his wonderful qualities, unique strengths, and authentic potential. You would never ridicule, belittle, or minimize him, especially in front of others.
Research shows that providing support to your partner is linked to more positive feelings, less negativity, and higher relationship satisfaction for both people. When you actively encourage and support your partner, it actually strengthens the whole relationship and makes both of you feel better.
3. You work through things
You recognize that a relationship takes work, and you show him daily that he (and your love) is worth the effort. You actively do things to help the relationship grow. You pay him compliments, remember special days, notice when he is feeling blue, ask what you can do to help, and check in with him to make sure he is happy and fulfilled. If he isn't, you help him figure out what he needs.
Studies found that relationship maintenance behaviors like staying positive, being open, giving reassurances, and sharing tasks are directly linked to higher commitment levels. The more effort partners put into maintaining the relationship through these everyday actions, the more committed they feel to making it last.
4. You communicate openly and often
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You ask questions and listen to his answers. You inquire about him and check in often. You know that the keys to a strong relationship are openness, transparency, and dialogue. And when a conversation comes up, his side of things matters to you as much as your own.
Communication is the heart of relationship satisfaction, and couples who engage in open, honest communication experience significantly higher levels of happiness together. Studies found that the quality of your communication directly predicts how satisfied you'll feel in the relationship over time.
5. You bring out the best version of him
And this means the type of man he's aiming for, not you nitpicking him to change a dozen different ways. Truly and genuinely, you want to see who he'll be at each twist and turn in life. You encourage him to follow his dreams, to think up new ones, and to take care of himself. If you read this list and are feeling pretty confident that you exhibit these 5 qualities, you are off to a fantastic start.
But there is one more thing to consider — no matter how awesome you think you are, your relationship is a two-way street. He has to exhibit all of the above items for you as well. It only works if you both do these things for each other. Here's an exercise. Go back to the list. This time, say, "and vice versa" at the end of each one. If you can still say all 5 things are true for both of you, then you know you're right for each other.
Liza Caldwell runs SAS for Women, a boutique firm that specializes in helping women free themselves from dysfunctional and unhappy relationships.
