6 Traits In Women That Make Men Lose Interest Fast
Traits that seem small, but they often quickly end a man's attraction to you.
GaudiLab | Canva Ideally, we would show the best version of ourselves at all times. But in intimate relationships, we show the best and worst we have to offer. In dating, we know a man can lose interest fast, but nobody can give their 100 percent best, 100 percent of the time — that's not realistic.
Letting your guard down in front of men you date is necessary, but adopting these unconscious self-sabotaging traits that make men lose interest fast is quite different because it’s easy to accidentally sabotage your relationship.
Here are six traits in women that make men lose interest fast:
1. Undermining him to gain control
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She seeks control of the relationship by putting her man in his place repeatedly. She views herself as a "problem-solver." Though she has noble intentions (sometimes), constantly telling her man his way is the wrong way isn’t so much noble as it is infuriatingly annoying. By trying to control him, she undermines his thoughts, wishes, and, perhaps most importantly, his sense of competence.
"Men are consistently more likely to stonewall in relationships than women," cautioned counselor Lisa Rabinowitz, "They will withdraw emotionally from conflict discussions, while women remain emotionally engaged. While men do it more, when women stonewall, it's even more predictive of divorce for the couple."
2. Acting like his mother
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She mothers her partner. She dotes on him, fusses and worries, she believes he can do no wrong, perhaps she even picks out a sailor suit and knee socks for him to wear on the first day at his new job. She also preoccupies herself with the emotional barometer of the relationship. This might sound healthy, but it’s not.
The "mother" puts all the relationships (all the joys, all the sorrows, all the ups and downs) on her back. She puts pressure on herself and herself alone. She must make the relationship work. She’s constantly wondering how he’s feeling, where she stands, whether he is OK, and what she can do to fix it.
The problem is twofold. First, a woman who acts like a man’s mother will lead him to rebel. After all, that’s what children do. Second, it's unfair for a woman to coddle a grown man! She might not mind it initially, but it’ll only lead to resentment down the line.
3. Using intimacy as a reward
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She is a charmer, forever able to draw men into her waiting arms. She does this by defining herself with her intimate prowess. In other words, she controls her mate with physical intimacy.
The reason this sabotages a relationship is that she's essentially manipulating and blackmailing her partner. If he wants intimacy, he must do what she wants. And it's safe to say that any relationship based on blackmail probably won’t remain successful for long.
Relationship coach Debra Smouse asked, "Are you using that power for the good of everyone involved, including your own physical and mental health? Or are you using intimacy to keep your partner in line, to punish or reward them for meeting your expectations? Often, expectations are never mentioned or discussed.
"If you choose to use intimacy as a commodity — either withholding as a way to punish your partner or using intimacy as a way to reward your partner for good behavior — you're breaking your bond and diminishing intimacy and trust."
4. Wanting to be rescued
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The concept of needing to be rescued is simple: Boy meets girl, boy rescues girl, boy and girl live happily ever after. It may sound romantic, easy, and productive, but it only works for a little while because it is a tale of boys and girls, not men and women in an adult relationship.
In the long run, a damsel can’t always be in distress (unless she stars in several Lifetime movies), and the man can’t always act as the hero. It’s too exhausting — and unrealistic — on both fronts. In the end, the man ends up resenting her for her incompetence.
5. Treating the relationship as a business account
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A woman focused on keeping tabs in the relationship may keep track of who pays for what and when (some may even track it to the dollar amount or take into consideration each other’s respective salaries).
The problem here is that relationships aren’t business, they’re pleasure. If they’re not seen as enjoyable, intimacy will fall by the wayside, and love just becomes collateral damage.
6. Needing to be idolized
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She cares less about love than she does about being adored and put on a pedestal. To put it simply, she wants to be with a man who views her as a trophy. Women who rely on this trait aren’t only robbing their significant other of happiness (as their relationship is empty and for show), but also robbing themselves, taking away a chance at real love and connection.
In the end, every woman has used one of these traits as men use theirs. Occasionally displaying these traits probably won’t affect your relationship much at all. However, using them repeatedly destroys relationships until there’s nothing left to ruin.
Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator specializing in dating, empowering men and women, self-esteem, and life transitions. He has 20 years of experience working to optimize human behavior and relational dynamics.
