The Magic Number Of Dates It Takes For A Guy To Get Serious About A Relationship, According To Dating Expert
Forget the 3-date rule — here's how many dates it really takes for him to think commitment.
Sergio Kian | Unsplash We've all heard stories of people who slept together on the first date, and it turned into a happily ever after. How often do you think that happens? Honestly, it's not nearly as often as you might think — about one in every million one-night stands.
Those odds aren't great, so how can you improve the chances of your forever after in the age where casual dating is the vibe? Global market research and consulting firm Ipsos surveyed roughly 1,000 adults over the age of 18 in a recent poll to determine the number of dates singles should go on before becoming exclusive. The poll found that about 39% of the participants thought three months was a good time frame before becoming exclusive.
The magic number of dates it takes for a guy to get serious about a relationship, according to a dating expert
If you go on one date per week, that turns out to be around 10 to 12 dates in that period of time. If you've been going out for a few weeks and are on date number 9, for example, one or both of you may be anticipating becoming something more serious and having the DTR (define the relationship) talk.
Though some people agree three months is an acceptable time frame, you should go on as many dates as you need to see if you want to make that decision of commitment, no matter what a survey says. If it's date 14 and you still aren't sure, then don't ask — and probably start seeing other people at that point. You might want to have a conversation so that you're both on the same page.
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How many dates until you are in a relationship? This is tricky because everyone has their own time periods and rules in the dating world. It depends on the people in the relationship, and where they are in their emotional and physical connection, as well as the amount of time they spend with each other.
Some daters go by the 3-date rule, a dating rule that dictates that both parties withhold intimacy until at least the third date. This gives the impression that neither will have to worry about being abandoned after being intimate.
Others use the 5-date rule, which has two interpretations. Either the woman will withhold intimacy until the fifth date, or the fifth date is where exclusivity is brought up. However, the fifth date doesn't mean putting pressure on your own situation; it may not be the time for that conversation.
As long as you have a connection and a spark, see where things go without rushing it. What is the 10-day rule?
Similar to the 3- and 5-date rules, the 10-date rule indicates how many dates to go on before getting a girlfriend or boyfriend. However, this isn't a time clock saying you have to fall in love in only 10 dates.
The 10-date rule merely states that men are most likely to seek relationships with women they've dated at least 10 times. These are real dates, not hangouts or coffee meet-ups. They are dates in which you go and do something together in public.
Men want connection, true connection, as much as women do. In general, they're a little slower at forming that connection than women are, and 10 dates is a good rule of thumb. A man is not going to continue asking you out if he's not interested, and if he asks you out on 10 dates, he's into you.
It all makes sense when you think about it. Why would a guy (or a girl) rush into a relationship without testing the waters first? The 10 dates normally happen over the course of several weeks to a couple of months. That's being prudent and taking things as they come.
Of course, intimacy typically happens sometime during the 10 dates, but if you sleep with a man too soon, it's hard to tell if he was in it for the conquest or was seeking a relationship, no matter how intense the chemistry was.
Take your time and be intimate when you are ready and can handle whatever happens afterward. (Yes, he could dump you after intimacy on the 10th date, but if he's just out for a conquest, he's not likely to last that long without it.)
How many dates should you go on before you make a decision? If you can keep your cool for those 10 dates and not let your heart take over, you'll see him clearly and objectively, and can decide whether you want him as your boyfriend.
You do the choosing, not the men. Staying calm and collected during those dates will help you make a good decision instead of being ruled by chemistry. And you can weed out the good guys from the players.
But how do you read the signs? Is there a way to tell on date five if he's good boyfriend material? After all, you don't want to waste time if you don't have to.
Here's how to tell if he's seeking a relationship and not a conquest:
1. He takes you out on real dates, not just hangouts
When a man is genuinely interested in building something meaningful with you, he'll want to create shared experiences and memories beyond the confines of his living room.
It shows he's proud to be seen with you in public and wants to integrate you into his world rather than keeping you hidden away in private spaces.
2. He stays in touch between dates
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Regular communication serves as an important bridge between your in-person connections, allowing both of you to stay emotionally engaged and continue getting to know each other even when you're apart.
A man who's serious about exploring a relationship understands that building intimacy requires more than just showing up for dinner dates every weekend.
3. He introduces you to people in his world
The progression usually follows a predictable pattern with co-workers and acquaintances first, then close friends, and finally family members.
Each level represents a deeper level of commitment and trust.
4. He uses 'we' and 'our'
These verbal cues reveal that his mental framework has expanded from thinking about himself as a single individual to considering both of you as a unit.
This typically occurs when he's emotionally invested and sees real potential for a future together.
5. He respects your pace with intimacy
You'll know he's serious when conversations about intimacy feel safe and pressure-free, and when he consistently shows through his actions that your comfort matters more than his timeline.
A man with serious intentions will make it clear that he's happy to move at whatever pace feels right for you, a suggestion that waiting somehow threatens the relationship's future.
6. He takes genuine interest in your life
He'll express interest in meeting your friends, attending events that matter to you, or learning about subjects you're passionate about.
His active interest signals that he sees you as a complete, complex person whose entire life he wants to understand and be part of, not just someone to spend his free time with.
7. He steps up to help when you need it
This behavior stems from a natural desire to make your life easier and demonstrates that your stress and struggles genuinely matter to him.
This is not transactional or done to prove his worth, but rather flows from a sincere investment in your well-being.
8. He posts about you on social media
In today's digital age, a man's social media behavior is often one of the clearest indicators of how seriously he's taking a relationship.
This public acknowledgment is his way of integrating you into his digital identity and signaling to friends, family, and potential romantic interests that he's committed and unavailable.
9. He initiates dates too
This doesn't mean he needs to orchestrate every single outing, but there should be a clear pattern of him actively wanting to spend time with you and putting effort into making it happen.
This proactive approach shows he's not just passively available when you reach out; he's actively thinking about you during his day and looking forward to creating shared experiences together.
All of these actions are more likely to happen if you're following the 10-date rule, but each person and couple is different. Most men will not act like this with a one-night stand or a woman he just wants as a friend with benefits.
What things should you consider before making the relationship official?
1. If this person is right for you
When deciding if you should pursue a relationship with this person, ask yourself if they make you happy, support you, are interesting to you, and are desirable.
You need to decide if you want to keep this person in your life long-term before pursuing a relationship with them. Also, think about whether or not this is a person you can see yourself falling in love with.
2. If they are still using dating apps
Before becoming exclusive, find out if they are still on dating apps. If they are still curious about what's out there and you want to be exclusive, things may turn sour, or there might be infidelity in the future. Unfortunately, this is the reality of online dating.
Also consider if he's dated a lot of women in the past, whether it was before or during your two dates. That can be a sign of his curiosity or immaturity.
3. If you're happy being with them
Think about how this person makes you feel. Are you happy when you're around them? Do they make you a better person in all the right ways?
Consider those questions, as well as what each of you would bring to a potential relationship, before committing to each other.
4. If they have true feelings for you
Find out how he truly feels about you before locking him down. Is he serious about the emotions he has for you, or is he just saying that to get something from you? Check to see if he's emotionally mature enough to handle an official and exclusive relationship.
5. If you share the same values
Do your values and dreams match up, or do they clash? Does he support or complement your core values? Are you both on the same page when it comes to life and how to live it? If they don't, these can indicate major problems down the road.
Don't be in a hurry when it comes to dating, and don't let your heart run away with you. He's out there, and if you stick by these rules, you'll create the relationship you want almost effortlessly.
Jonathon Aslay is a coach, speaker, mid-life dating and relationship coach, and author of two books. He offers tips, teleclasses, and coaching for daters looking for better relationships.
