11 Phrases No Wife Wants To Hear From Her Husband, No Matter How Much She Loves Him
Never utter these phrases if you want to stay on your wife's good side.
New Africa / Shutterstock Most wives who are in a healthy relationship adore their husbands and truly want the best for them. However, just like anything in life, relationships aren't always black and white. While wives can truly love and adore their husbands, there are phrases no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him.
It's unfortunate, but many husbands say or do things that unintentionally hurt their partner. From refusing to listen to her to being dismissive of her needs, these actions, big or small, can build up, slowly causing the end of an otherwise beautiful relationship. So, to avoid this, here are phrases husbands should be wary of saying if they truly want a long-lasting marriage.
11 phrases no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him
1. ‘I don’t know’
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The first phrase no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him, is, "I don't know." Most women are always on the go and rarely have time to take a breath. In between being a mom, working full-time, and taking care of most of the domestic labor, the last thing she wants is a man who 'doesn't know.'
Women want men they can depend on and who can alleviate their stress, not add to it. According to the American Psychological Association, women reported a higher stress level than men, with receiving little support theorized to be one of the top reasons. So, if husbands truly want to be there for their wives, then lift that burden off her shoulders.
Figure things out and don't give her more than she can handle. Be a husband with a plan and watch as her affection for you continues to rise.
2. ‘I don’t see why you’re making a big deal out of things’
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Most women want to be heard, as feeling heard is part of people's natural human desires. According to a study in 2023, feeling heard is the cornerstone of any close relationship. This is why a phrase no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him, is, "I don't see why you're making a big deal out of things."
Ask 90% of women, and they'll tell you that they've been told this phrase at least once in their lives. From different variations like "You're overreacting," women have been made to feel as if their emotions don't matter. This is why uttering this phrase is so damaging.
While husbands might not mean to offend, women are led to feel belittled, unheard, and disregarded as they feel as if they have no choice but to dissociate. So, instead of saying this, men can try saying, "I can see that you're hurt and frustrated. I love you, please help me better understand why this is bothering you so much."
It sounds simple, but most men don't realize that tone of voice matters. So, if men want to keep their marriage thriving, try being compassionate during these conversations. It's bound to go a much longer way than disregarding her feelings ever would.
3. ‘I don’t have time for this right now’
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Everyone is entirely too busy nowadays. Let's face it: life is becoming increasingly expensive, and most couples are working hard just to afford to make ends meet. And while this is understandably frustrating for many individuals, this doesn't mean that they should disregard everyone in favor of grinding at work.
Regardless of how busy they may be, a phrase no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him, is, "I don't have time for this right now." Understandably, most men feel emotionally exhausted. After spending hours at work, the last thing they want to do is argue with their wives.
However, if husbands truly care about their wives, there's a need to push those frustrating feelings to the side in favor of listening and being supportive. Now, is this easier said than done? Of course, yet when in doubt, don't be afraid to call for a break.
As licensed therapist John Kim, LMFT, explained, "This doesn't mean avoiding the issue, but rather giving yourself some space to cool down so that you can approach the conversation with a clearer mind."
So, next time a husband finds himself in this predicament, say, "Hey, I love you and I want to hear what you have to say, but right now I'm not in the headspace to have this conversation. Can we please revisit this conversation in an hour?"
4. ‘I didn’t think I needed to tell you’
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Most couples know that open and honest communication is the difference between a thriving and failing relationship. With this in mind, a phrase no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him, is, "I didn't think I needed to tell you."
Most women want security in their relationship, but it's hard to feel this way when they're not being updated about the most basic things in life. From knowing if their husband paid the electricity bill to wondering if the car's been renewed yet, always remember that it is better to update her than leave her in the dark.
Believe it or not, most people hate being left in the dark. As a study in 2020 found, "Uncertainty about future events may lead to worry, anxiety, even inability to function."
So, when in doubt, send a quick update list from time to time or simply tell her. It is always better to be safe than accidentally annoying or upsetting your partner.
5. ‘You just need to stop thinking so much’
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If husbands want to completely upset their wives, then the quickest way to do so is by saying, "You just need to stop thinking so much." Most women would love to stop overthinking and feeling anxious about every minor inconvenience in life. But since women are given a load of responsibilities and zero support, they feel as if they have no choice but to overthink.
This sentiment aligns with psychology professor Susan Nolen-Hoeksema’s new book "Women Who Think Too Much: How To Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life," in which she states that 57% of women are likely to overthink compared to 43% of men. That being said, there is some truth to this statement. After all, focusing on possible scenarios instead of the present is bound to leave most women stuck in an anxious mess. So, what can husbands do to aid them instead of uttering this triggering phrase?
From deep breathing exercises, to allowing a ten-minute rant, to simply doing something to help take their mind off things, there are many better options than uttering this phrase. After all, women can't magically evaporate their worries with a snap of their fingers.
6. ‘Let’s just drop it’
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Listen, it's understandable why men want to drop it and move on from an argument. Most women have a habit of ruminating or thinking too much about the past that which interferes with the present. However, nine times out of ten, there's a reason why so many women struggle to let things go.
From feeling as if they will never heal to feeling resentful, refusing to truly address an issue and fix a mistake is bound to come back to mess up the relationship later. Plus, conflict isn't always bad. According to assistant professor of communication Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, Ph.D., "Conflict provides an opportunity for making change — if both partners are up for it. Conflict gives you a chance to work on the problems in your relationship."
That being said, what can husbands do if their wives are already filled with resentment? To be honest, there's not much men can do. Depending on how long the resentment has clung to the relationship, there either needs to be professional interference, such as a therapist, or men doing their best to hold themselves accountable and make an active change.
7. ‘Sorry, I forgot to text you’
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Husbands are bound to make mistakes from time to time. Whether it's forgetting to take out the trash or allowing the grass to grow a bit too long, it's okay not to be perfect. That being said, a phrase no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him, is, "Sorry, I forgot to text you."
Most husbands forget this, but women are pretty anxious. According to the U.S Food and Drug Administration, "Women are more than twice as likely as men to develop an anxiety disorder in their lifetime."
With this in mind, not texting her can fuel her anxiety as she begins to wonder what happened to you or if you're even safe. For others, they might even wonder if their husband cares if this becomes a repeated pattern. So, while it might be a bit frustrating, don't forget to text her back. Even if you have to set reminders, bring your charger, or borrow your friend's phone with your battery dies, all of it is worth it if it means allowing your wife to feel at ease.
8. ‘I’m not a mind reader’
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Now, it can be tricky to talk about the whole "men should already know" argument. On one hand, they aren't mind readers, but on the other hand, husbands have been with their wives for years and at this point, should know the bare minimum. From knowing her middle name, what pads she likes, to her favorite foods, some things are just a given.
Unfortunately, many husbands don't always remember these bare minimum things, which in turn causes their wives to feel unheard and unloved. This is why a phrase no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him, is, "I'm not a mind reader."
Sorry to say it, but when women hear this, they automatically assume their husbands don't pay attention to them. As much as it might frustrate husbands, not knowing how to take care of the basis is bound to get frustrating at times.
Known as weaponized incompetence, according to researcher and assistant professor Chelom E. Leavitt, J.D., Ph.D., "This behavior takes a toll on any relationship," as someone pretends to be incapable or insufficient at a task they should know by now.
So, even if husbands need to create a list, don't be afraid to do so. Try to remember and write down all the important information in your notes so that way, your wife feels heard, secure, and content in the marriage.
9. ‘I’ll get to it later’
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Understandably, men want to relax and get to chores when they feel like it. However, it's equally true that a phrase no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him, is, "I'll get to it later." Women have a list of responsibilities to do and, as a result, are constantly on edge.
They aren't intentionally trying to ignore or pressure their husbands. However, they do want to cross another worry off their long list of worries within their daily lives. Not only that, but women want to feel secure and loved within their relationship. That being said, when a man shuts her down and says, "I'll get to it later," it makes her feel unheard, therefore causing her to grow frustrated.
To avoid this, men should either get to those responsibilities or be more specific. For instance, in front of their wives, they can put a timer on their phone and say, "Yes, I will get to it in thirty minutes. Is that okay?" Not only are they being more specific with their wording, but they're also asking if it's okay, making their wives feel heard and taken into consideration.
10. ‘I’m sure you’ll figure it out’
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When most women think of marriage, they think of finding a lifelong partner who can bear their burdens. In the past, many women have faced challenges head-on with zero support from those around them. Now married, many women look forward to having someone to lean on during times of distress. This is why a phrase no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter what, is, "I'm sure you'll figure it out."
Men might have the best intentions, but there's no support or guidance with this phrase. Whether they meant to or not, this phrase is devoid of the emotional intimacy necessary to make women feel supported and cherished. Even if men don't have the answers, they want to know that their partner is there for them and that they aren't facing life alone.
So, to avoid their wives feeling isolated, men can say, "I know this is stressful for you, and I hear you. Just know that you're not alone, and we will get through this together." Men don't have to have the answers for everything, but sometimes, it takes a little kindness and connection to make women go from feeling alone to feeling supported by their partner.
11. ‘Only if you want to though’
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Finally, a phrase no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him, is, "Only if you want to, though." At first glance, this phrase sounds beyond kind and considerate. And sure, men might have the best of intentions when they utter this phrase.
However, from a woman's perspective, this phrase can easily become burdensome as they're once again given the mental load of deciding what they do as a couple. So, what should men do instead to ensure their wives don't feel burdened by that mental weight?
While it might sound strange, sometimes saying things directly is the best route to go. This means that instead of saying, "Hey, I'm thinking we can go to Target, but only if you want to, though," say, "Hey, let's go to Target in a bit." At first, this might sound too demanding, but here's the thing about women: if they truly don't want to go or don't like the options in front of them, they'll say something.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
