People Who Need Space In Relationships Often Share These 11 Personality Traits
Claudio Lucca / Shutterstock I’ll confess: as a partner, I can be super clingy for the first couple of months. Then I manage to cool off a bit and start needing my own space from time to time. People who need lots of space didn’t make sense to me until I got older.
The more I learned about others, the more I realized that people who need a lot of space in relationships tend to share similar traits and histories. These traits, in particular, stand out the most.
People who need space in relationships often share these 11 personality traits
1. They’ve been hurt before
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Let’s start with the most obvious issue: if you have been traumatized by dating, you will likely take things slow. Many, if not most, people have experienced the shock of being love-bombed, then being hurt or ghosted. It’s horrible.
After a while, the phrase “once bitten, twice shy” is true. Charlie Health notes that people who have relationship trauma often will need space and firm boundaries to recover. This can take much longer for some than for others, making it their new normal.
2. They may have an avoidant attachment style
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Abandonment makes people a little wonky. They either get glued to people (like I do) or they end up being super distant. People who have abandonment issues tend to feel like they can’t trust anyone to be there, leading to avoidant attachment behavior.
Rather than open up about their feelings or worries, some people with abandonment issues tend to clam up. They feel like they can’t rely on others to be there or care. So, rather than get disappointed, they shut down and ask for space.
3. They may simply be overbooked with their own life
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Some people pave their own way in life, and as a result, live very rich, fulfilling personal lives. This is especially true with career people who are passionate about what they do. When this happens, the space they ask for is almost certainly because they're already heavily booked with things that don’t involve romance.
For example, a single parent will need a lot of space to care for their kids, especially if they are not ready to introduce you to the family. The same can be said of an independent business owner, a recording artist, or even just an influencer. Speaking of …
4. Workaholism might be an issue
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Most people can’t wait for work to be done, but some live to work. People who are addicted to work tend to make it their be-all and end-all, with relationships becoming an afterthought. Most workaholics tend to require space at a minimum, but can devolve into totally icy people who make their partners foot the proverbial bill for intimacy.
If your partner tends to struggle with being a workaholic, chances are that he’ll often insist on having space due to work-related issues. Barbara Killinger, Ph.D., notes that this can eventually evolve into a complete inability to be intimate.
5. Many are high-key introverts
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Most of us have been with someone so clingy that we felt like we were glued at the hip. It’s nice at first, but smothering later on. Where that line tends to be can vary greatly from person to person. Introverts tend to get drained from all sorts of socializing, including romantic socializing.
If your partner is a known introvert, it might take him some time to recharge from all interactions, even ones with you. The more introverted a person is, the more me time they tend to need in relationships.
6. They have difficulty communicating
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Did you ever meet someone who just seemed to fly away the moment things got tough or awkward? If you’re like me, you notice that these types often will say they need space, but not for decompression’s sake. Rather, it’s their way of avoiding scary conversations.
When people are conflict-avoidant, they often find ways to insist on “space” when they really just want to duck out of a situation. It’s an excuse, albeit a polite one.
7. They may be autistic
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As a person who is on the spectrum, I know how awful getting overloaded with stimulation can be. It can make you go ballistic.
Adults with autism often notice when they’re starting to teeter on the edge of overwhelm. That’s when they ask for alone time. It’s a strategy move.
The Centre for Autism Awareness notes that people with autism will often require extra space to avoid being overwhelmed, keep themselves feeling safe, and also help immerse themselves in communication at their own pace.
8. They are highly individualistic
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Did you ever notice how some people just focus on their stuff, and only their stuff? Others, however, might view things from a more collectivist perspective. From what I’ve noticed, people who tend to be highly individualistic are often the same ones who want more space in relationships.
It makes sense. If you are always thinking about the collective, it might be because you’re always around them, usually by choice. They tend to be solitary by nature, often choosing hobbies that encourage a loner vibe, such as reading, gaming, or even walking alone in nature.
9. They feel a need to put up a strong front
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Remember all that jazz I mentioned about avoiding having outbursts or avoiding tough conversations? People who tend to require a lot of space may do so because they feel a need to maintain a composed, calm front.
People who want to be the epitome of grace under pressure often take time for themselves simply because they don’t want others to notice when they’re actually isolating rather than processing.
10. They may not be loyal
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Speaking from personal experience, I’ve had an ex who insisted that he needed a lot of space throughout the relationship. I granted it. I realized I wasn’t being clingy. He just had another girlfriend that he didn’t tell me about for almost two years.
Admittedly, this is not a personality trait in the most obvious sense of the word. However, it still happens when you need space, and it can be a warning sign of more sketchy behavior if you’re unlucky.
11. They prefer solitary activities
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Finally, there’s the elephant in the room: some folks just prefer to be alone. It’s not just a matter of space for them. It’s a matter of their being content with being alone. They might enjoy solitary activities such as hiking, reading, or quietly painting.
If you’re the type of person who grew up alone, you might have eventually just turned into a default loner. People who live alone by default will naturally need time to themselves, at least until they adjust.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
