People Who Fall In Love With The Idea Of Someone (Rather Than The Actual Person) Always Feel These 5 Things
If you've felt these five things, it's not real love — it's the idea of who you wish they were.
Andrii Iemelianenko | Shutterstock “Am I in love with him or the idea of him?” is such a common phrase you probably hear people say all the time. Until we are in a situation with someone we're dating where we have to truly ask ourselves the question, we never really think much about what it means. And when we do, it’s usually hard to tell the difference between loving someone or loving the idea of them.
People who fall in love with the idea of someone rather than the actual person always feel these five things:
1. You're trying to fill a void
This requires a lot of thinking and a lot of soul searching, so it may be emotionally draining. Are you trying to find companionship or intimacy with someone because you miss having a body to be next to? Are you seeking validation from someone else? And are you just looking to fill up your time?
Regardless, if you think you are trying to fill a void, you probably are, which means you probably only like the idea of them to fill the emptiness, and that’s it. Relationship coach Celine Remy explained, "There’s a misconception out there that intimate relationships are difficult, and painful at times, and that you must be willing to compromise to be happy. Now, what kind of advice is that? Every time you are willing to settle for less than you know in your heart is possible, you are cheating yourself out of true love and connection."
2. The more time you spend together, the less you enjoy it
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When you genuinely are romantically interested in someone, you will quickly notice how much they enhance your life and how experiences become so much more special, even if they are simple. Love helps us learn to be humans and bring out our emotions the most. You can’t substitute that feeling with anyone else.
By seeing this person a lot and either feeling bored or not that excited about life, it’s a good sign that you are only interested in the idea of them. You should be thrilled to go shopping with your interest simply because you get to spend more time with them.
3. You can't seem to get over their imperfections
Obviously, when you spend a lot of time with your partner, you learn a lot about their quirks. If you truly love someone, you can easily accept them for who they are.
"The fundamental truth in life is that humans tend to find what they look for in their world," suggested dating coach Dave Elliott. "We do this because humans can live in a world of our own making, simply by choosing where we focus. However, when couples stick to this mindset of choosing the negative over the positive, it can lead to conflict."
Otherwise, those annoying traits, such as being angry, stubborn, negative, controlling, and selfish, will drive you up the wall. If you sort of tolerate them but notice they are there all the time, you are probably interested in the idea of them.
4. You don't feel like they complete you
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If you don’t feel like your partner is fulfilling your expectations of satisfaction and completion, there’s a good chance you aren’t interested in them. When you're with someone, you should be complete on a deeper emotional level.
But if there are roadblocks that keep preventing you from diving that deep together, then something is holding you back. Yes, you need to feel complete as an individual, but you should also feel complete as a couple.
Life coach Mitzi Bockmann advised, "Many people don’t understand that just being happy in a relationship isn’t enough. To be in a successful relationship, it’s important that everyone’s needs are being met, or at least most of them. One person can’t be all things to another person, but one person should make every effort to take care of the needs of the person they love."
5. You unknowingly expect them to do all of the work
Relying on a relationship to fix your emotions basically means that your relationship is doomed from the start. Using someone else as an adjustment during a specific period in your life won’t work. On the flip side, you also shouldn’t rely on your partner for bringing everything into the relationship while you just sit back and make them work.
Relationships are about balance, and if this sounds like you, you might just want someone to fulfill you specifically in any given way rather than being in a deep-rooted commitment to them.
It’s super hard to determine if you are interested in the person or just the idea of them, but these tips should help you dig a little deeper to figure out your situation a little easier. Obviously, if you find yourself mentally making excuses or having to deflect any of these points, I think the answer is obvious: you’re in love with the idea of them, not the person.
Brittany Christopoulos is a senior writer and head of trending news for Unwritten.
