10 Traits Of Needy People Who Drain Every Relationship They're In
They crave constant reassurance and turn every relationship into emotional quicksand.
Omran Soliman | Unsplash You know the type: the people who won't stop calling, who want to be with you at all times, and who need your constant approval and praise. Those people are what we call needy people.
A needy person is best defined as someone who needs your constant attention, who has or exhibits an excessive emotional need, and who wants constant intimacy or reassurance. While everyone wants their needs and wants to be met, there is a line between an acceptable limit of wants and needs and an unacceptable limit, to where you're being overbearing and annoying.
If you are a needy person, you'll find that some people don't mind your level of wants and needs, and others will be annoyed by them and will feel like they cannot stand you. However, it's not fair to treat needy people with no respect. In most cases, it's not their fault that they don't trust themselves and see themselves as strong, admirable, and dependable.
Sometimes, a personal hatred for needy people can come from a place of self-hatred and seeing your own insecurities in another person, and you flinch and turn away from them. That's why some people can't help but develop a needy personality because we all want our feelings to be reciprocated, and some people need that more than others.
We are also all social animals who have wants and needs. However, some people have a greater fear of rejection and therefore they tend to be needier than others.
Needy people develop stronger feelings of neediness because they are more easily triggered by fear, violence, disappointment, frustration, and sadness. They let those feelings affect their feelings, thoughts, and behavior, and therefore are thought of as a "needy person."
This can be a challenge if you're friends with these types of people or come across a person who you think is needy. Therefore, you need to know the common needy behaviors and how to deal with needy people so you don't trigger them.
Here are 10 traits of needy people who drain every relationship they're in:
1. They are very clingy
Needy people are known for being the most clingy type of people. They always need your attention, constant reassurance, and validation. Therefore, they're going to call, text, and ask you to hang out 24/7.
They want to be included and never left out of anything because they have a huge fear of FOMO. They do this because they feel as if another person needs to fill their void, so they are never stuck alone.
2. They are insecure and have low self-esteem
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A needy person is easy to spot because of their obvious and upsetting level of self-esteem. They are so unconfident and insecure that they can make other people feel very uncomfortable.
They are like this because they distrust themselves so much that they can't even spot the great parts of themselves. Maybe they got bullied for many years, and their level of self-confidence plummeted at some point.
Relationship expert Clayton Olson explains that neediness that stems from deep insecurity manifests as codependency, annoyance, and frustration in relationships. He notes that insecure individuals often rely on their partners to complete them rather than developing their own sense of self-worth and satisfaction.
3. They don't know how to communicate what they really want and need
Needy people are needy because they don't know how to communicate their wants and needs, as they never ask for help. They are so insecure and feel way too vulnerable to let others know how they really feel, as the fear of getting hurt could crush them.
This is due to their low self-esteem, as they can't even recognize what they really want and need. They often need the help of others to help them recognize their wants and needs them and that can be very frustrating for the other person.
4. They ask favors but don't return them
Needy people can sometimes be so oblivious that when they ask friends, partners, and family members for something, they won't even think of how to return the favor. They expect people to help them with their every need and don't expect others to ask them back because they expect the other person not to need help.
They are like this because they believe they need help more than you. After all, they believe you are much more confident, successful, and wouldn't expect you to ask for the same, because they believe you don't need help.
According to forensic psychologist Tarra Bates-Duford, needy people often don't reciprocate favors, consistently expecting partners to contribute more to the relationship than they're willing to do. She notes this represents a major sign of underappreciation and a failure to acknowledge personal sacrifices made by the other person.
5. They ask for help with the smallest things
This is why it can get annoying for others to help needy people, because they have such a low level of self-confidence that they believe they will ruin or do something wrong even for the smallest number of things. They might ask what to wear, how they should respond to a text, and what to say, even on a date.
They do this because they don't trust themselves with even the smallest of things. They will overthink everything and stress themselves out so much, they'd rather someone else do it for them.
6. They like to be the center of attention
Forget your problems; a needy person needs everyone to be concerned and worried about their own problems, so they aren't alone in their thoughts. They don't want you talking to other people because you need to be talking to them and want your full attention.
Needy people, maybe even without noticing it, will always turn every conversation back around to themselves, and it's out of habit. They want others to always be helping them, taking care of them, and listening to them, so they aren't drowning in their own thoughts and FOMO.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Seth Meyers says that people who crave constant attention end up frustrating their romantic partners by dominating every interaction. Individuals who frequently initiate arguments may be motivated by insecurity and a need for attention, using these tactics to draw focus, seek validation, or exert control when they feel powerless.
7. They can be very manipulative
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Needy people can use their guilt on others to be very manipulative and get their way. They make others feel bad for not wanting or not having the time to talk to them or be there for them, and they don't realize why this is bad.
This hurts the other person because they are meant to feel guilty for not fulfilling the needy person's wants and needs. They do this because they know, through manipulation, that anything is possible, and guilt can make a person do more to prove themselves worthy to the needy person, which is what the needy person wanted this whole time.
A typical needy person can have narcissistic tendencies such as being manipulative and selfish; however, it's because they are deeply insecure.
8. They won't take responsibility for themselves or their actions
They don't take responsibility for others, and they don't like to have a lot on their shoulders, so they try to put some weight onto yours, and the balance is not fair at all.
This is because a needy person knows they can make others feel bad for them and can get away with stuff like this, maybe even without seeing how this can create a lot of resentment towards them.
According to psychologist Lynn Margolies, people who avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes leverage the kindness and empathy of others to get what they want, understanding that people with weak boundaries are more likely to put their own needs aside. Additionally, while we might influence another's emotions, we shouldn't feel obligated to take responsibility for their emotional well-being.
9. They are very jealous
Needy people tend to be clingy to either a partner or friend when they feel like there is a threat, like a new friend who makes them feel insecure, and they get jealous very easily. They won't want to accept new people or friends who could take away from their current friends, and therefore make that person feel uncomfortable.
They do this because once again, they are so insecure that they are jealous of any other person who embodies what they wish they looked like or wish they had that same personality, and such.
Relationship empowerment coach Esther Bilbao explains that jealousy, rooted in personal insecurities, is one of the common problems in relationships, where needy people become paranoid about being suspicious of their partner's interactions with others. This jealousy can cause them to think and say things that hurt their partner, ultimately draining the relationship.
10. They need validation 24/7
A needy person needs a boyfriend/girlfriend or best friend's validation constantly. They see everyone else as a threat, and they don't like feeling uncomfortable; they can't stand the feeling of not being good enough.
This can be annoying because you couldn't be bothered by meeting a new person at a party or something, but your needy friend will you talking to that same person and think that they aren't good enough for you and that you don't care about them.
This can be very exhausting, and a needy person will do this because they are wired to constantly want your comfort and reassurance.
How to Deal with a Needy Person
A needy person can be toxic if you have a hard time creating and enforcing boundaries with them. A needy personality can be suffocating and emotionally exhausting, so it's important to learn how to deal with them.
When dealing with a needy person, the first thing you should know is that you cannot give them every ounce of your attention, help, and time because then they will take advantage of you, and you'll feel emotionally and physically exhausted.
These tips are very important to listen to and take to heart if you're dealing with a needy person or a needy friend.
1. Give them attention sparingly
You never want to give a needy person your full and undivided attention because they will want to expect that from you every time, and that can be very exhausting to you. Don't let them always complain to you and ask for support for the same things.
2. Pull back from them if you need to
If they are acting way too clingy and more needy than normal, don't let that affect you. You need to take a step back and tell them you need a break and that you can only do so much, and that now it's getting to a point where you need a break from them.
3. Set boundaries and be patient
Sometimes, needy people need to be told when to stop doing something and need another person to call them out. You can always be patient, caring, and supportive; however, if they're expecting too much help from you, that's not your place to do so, then tell them that this crosses a line and your established boundaries.
What to Do if You Think You're a Needy Person
If you think you're a needy person after reading the traits of a needy person, then there are some things that you can do to help yourself and, therefore, help your friends.
First, you can give the people whom you constantly go to for help some space. Give them a break from you and some space to breathe, finally.
If you are an emotionally needy person and constantly need to talk about yourself, then you should think about getting therapy. No one else can fix your insecurities other than yourself.
Get treatment from a mental health professional if you believe your neediness is stemming from depression or anxiety. Lastly, notice when you express these traits, recognize why it's wrong, and, over time, build more confidence in yourself.
Megan Hatch is a multimedia journalist, an Emerson College graduate with a major in journalism. Her bylines have appeared on Medium, Patch, BuzzFeed, SAGE Publishing, Voice of America, as well as dozens of independent television and online publications.
