11 Moments That Quietly Break A Wife’s Heart, Even If She Doesn’t Show It
Make no mistake about it. Hearts can break quietly, too.
Olena Andreychuk / Shutterstock Have you heard of Walkaway Wife Syndrome? Walkaway wives are women who “suddenly” leave their husbands. Or rather, their husbands think it’s a surprise and are totally shocked their wives are leaving. In many cases, these women have begged and pleaded for their husbands to change for years. Their husbands “only realized it’s bad” when divorce papers were handed to them.
Though it’s common for women to speak out about their issues in marriage, there are times when they don’t really say much. Some of the moments that quietly break a wife's heart, even if she doesn't show it, might lead to a woman becoming a Walkaway Wife. If I were a man who wanted to keep my marriage intact, I’d make sure to avoid these actions.
These are 11 moments that quietly break a wife’s heart, even if she doesn’t show it
1. Forgetting her birthday, anniversary, or Mother’s Day
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Look, I get it. Life gets rough, and you tend to get a little burrowed in with it. Women do the majority of unpaid labor in a relationship, and most ask for very little. Wives just want to be recognized and celebrated once in a while.
So, when a husband forgets to get a gift for his wife on a major day (birthday, anniversary, etc.), it’s a major slap on the face. Unsurprisingly, women are more likely to start an affair after a Mother’s Day when they were ignored.
2. Saying things about her body that aren’t nice
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Women are aware that they age. This is not rocket science. Even the most beautiful women in the world will eventually sag, wrinkle, and maybe get gray hair. The last thing most women want to hear is about how they’re not as fresh-faced as they once were.
Before you say you’re just being honest, remember that she could say the exact same things about you.
3. Neglecting her and rejecting her
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Contrary to popular belief, women need a little physical intimacy as well. Just like men, women who are with a partner they’re into want to be touched, held, kissed, and romanced once in a while.
If your wife keeps asking for a little late-night snuggle and you keep rejecting her, it will break her heart. If this keeps up over a long period of time, she might internalize that rejection, and you might end up being single before you know it.
4. Ignoring her requests
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Years ago, there was an essay by a newly-divorced man called, “She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes By The Sink.” It went viral, and it was all about a wife who kept asking her husband not to leave dishes by the sink. He ignored it, thinking it wasn’t a big deal. To her, it was. It was a big deal because she kept asking him not to do it, and he ignored her. To him, it was just some dirty dishes.
Eventually, she realized he prioritized letting her pick up after him over her happiness. She left him because she was heartbroken over the way he just didn’t listen to her.
5. Acting like a son instead of a partner
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Women might love a boyish smile in a guy, but that doesn’t mean they want to date a man-child. When a woman marries a man, she’s looking for a life partner, an equal who puts in just as much work as she does.
There is something deeply saddening for women who realize they’re stuck taking care of their husbands the same way they take care of their kids. If she has to pick up after you, nag you to eat your vegetables, advise you on everything, and also take care of the bills, it hurts. It leaves her feeling used, unappreciated, and even tricked into a partnership that doesn’t actually leave her feeling partnered up.
6. Criticizing the things she does for you
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There are quite a few men who really don’t seem to understand how much effort some women put into pleasing them. For example, I’ve seen a woman spend an hour baking and decorating a cake for her husband. Her husband’s reaction was to eat it, look unimpressed, then ask why she didn’t make chocolate.
I don’t think she ever baked for him again. She was so upset that she actually had to ask others if his cooking was even decent, and trust me, it was. Criticizing people for going the extra mile is never a smart move. It’ll only prove to them you’re not worth the effort and hurt their feelings in the process.
7. Invalidating her feelings
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This may come as a major shocker to many guys, but telling your wife that her problems “aren’t that major” is a great way to upset her even more. If you question, push back, and argue against her when she says she’s trying to tell you she’s upset, that’s called invalidation.
It’s heartbreaking for anyone to hear that their feelings don’t matter or that their feelings are wrong. Unsurprisingly, invalidating your partner’s feelings can often contribute to a divorce.
8. Checking out other women
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For what it’s worth, almost every marriage will face some kind of temptation from time to time. However, it’s all about the loyalty and how you make your wife feel. If she’s already feeling dodgy about herself, the worst thing you can do is openly check out other women.
Most wives are aware that their husbands occasionally ogle other women. It’s one of those things that silently don’t make a show of it unless you want to break her heart.
9. Ignoring updates to her look
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Did your wife recently get a new hairstyle? Is she hitting the gym more or wearing a brand new, bold red lipstick instead of her soft pink lip gloss? While every woman has her own reasons for giving herself a makeover, the truth is that a lot of women wear makeup to appeal to their spouses.
Many, many women have had the heartbreaking experience of getting a full makeover to try to wow their husbands, only for their husbands to ignore them. When this happens, you can often see the look of disappointment on the wife’s face. If you’re looking for things that many men overlook that truly devastate some wives, this is it.
10. Prioritizing friends over her
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For the most part, wives are okay with their partners having friends. After all, we all need to have our own support network. However, it’s still important to remember that she’s still your wife, and she should come first.
If you hang out with your friends or coworkers every week, but can’t remember the last time you booked a date night, that’s not okay. Whether you realize it or not, it hurts her feelings to see you spending more time with friends than your own wife.
11. Treating her like an annoyance
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This isn’t a specific action, but rather, a general series of behaviors that all fall under the umbrella of contempt. Contempt is that quiet disdain one has for a person, where you see them as more of a pest than a partner or friend.
Oh, it’s also cited as one of the "Four Horsemen of Divorce" by the Gottman Institute. In fact, they cite it as the number one predictor of a divorce, and really, why wouldn’t it be? It hurts to be treated that way, especially by someone who used to love you!
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
