Men Who Want The Perks But Not The Relationship Always Pull These 6 Low-Effort Moves
Men who want everything except accountability will never way it out loud.
Tony Frost | Unsplash The signs that you're with a man who wants the perks but not the relationship may not be obvious at first, especially if the other person is giving mixed signals. But good indicators include your partner being rude to you, not wanting to reveal personal details about their life, and never talking about substantial matters with you.
They may also be hot and cold with responding to text and calls, or, most likely, only want to chat when they want to hook up. Another indicator is whether or not they stay the night. Do they cuddle you, or do they grab their pants and run for the door the minute it's over? Sadly, if this person doesn't have any interest in getting to know you, you're probably just casual to him.
Men who want the perks but not the relationship always pull these 6 low-effort moves:
1. Holidays and special events are off the table
You know you might not be in a relationship if you aren’t celebrating holidays and events together. He might show up for your birthday, at about 11:45 PM, but he didn’t show up for the birthday party your best friend threw for you, and he didn’t bring a gift.
2. He's never there for you when you need him
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You know you might be a low option if he disappears when you need support. He doesn’t make a scene about disappearing; he just doesn’t come around. He’s busy. Like when your grandmother passes, and all you hear from them is maybe a text or two for a couple of weeks.
Research on attachment patterns shows that emotionally avoidant people instinctively pull away during moments of intensity because they struggle with emotional responsiveness during difficult times. Partners provide support, security, and intimacy, which are fundamental needs for a long-term relationship, particularly during stressful times.
3. Texting is the only way you can get a hold of him
Speaking of texting, you know you might be just a hookup if your primary form of communication outside of the bedroom is texting or some other form of electronic communication. You don't have each other as friends on social media, and forget trying to contact his friends to find out where he is.
A study from the University of Texas at Austin found that people feel significantly more connected through chatting on the phone, and there's actual brain chemistry behind it. When you speak to a loved one, your brain releases oxytocin, the "love hormone" known for its role in bonding and trust, but when you text the same loved one, your brain doesn't release this hormone.
4. You've never met his family
You know you might be a last option if you haven’t met a single member of his family, his closest friend, or his best friend’s wife or significant other. Unless his family lives across the country, you should cross paths with one of them at least occasionally if you’re in a real relationship.
Very complex hookups might have random contact with a friend. However, you won’t likely be included in group activities.
5. He's seeing other people
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You might not be important if he frequently references other women in conversation. He may not say he’s dating them, but he definitely lets you know you aren’t the only woman in his life or the only thing he’s looking at.
When someone casually drops mentions of other women into your conversations, they may be engaging in what is called "jealousy induction." Studies have found that the most popular jealousy-inducing behavior is drawing attention to the possibility of competition by discussing or exaggerating current attractions to others.
6. He doesn't make it official
He might be using you if he hasn’t made things official or removed his dating profile. Now, it might be customary in some circles not to do that in the beginning stages of a relationship. However, the beginning stages of a relationship do not last weeks and weeks or months and months.
Research on social media and relationships has found that hard-launching a relationship on social media is an indicator of seriousness and exclusivity. When someone keeps their options visibly open online, they're probably not that serious about you.
If you might be convenient and what you’ve got right now is just fine with you, then you’re in luck because he’s likely to stay in it just the way it is. That is, until one of you finds someone else. However, if you’ve got that heart pull that says you really dig this guy and you want more than a hookup a few times a week, you need to get honest with yourself and cut the cord.
Lisa Hayes C.Ht. is a law of attraction relationship coach and author. She specializes in helping people get the love they want, no matter where they are in their lives.
