If Your Husband Says These 11 Things Often, Something’s Probably Off
These phrases could be a sign something isn't right in the relationship.
Andrii Iemelianenko / Shutterstock Relationships face ups and downs. In a marriage, things can feel off between partners. Sometimes, we get so stuck in our routines that we can’t tell that something isn’t right with our spouse.
There may be subtle changes to your husband’s behavior when he starts to feel off about things. He may put less energy into the relationship. Instead of coming home on time from work, he may decide to stay late more often. You will be able to tell if something is wrong with the phrases your husband uses daily. If you notice that he isn’t interacting with you the same way he usually does, it may be time to have a conversation about what is going on between you.
If your husband says these 11 things often, something’s probably off
1. ‘Whatever’
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Have you noticed your husband has seemed less engaged? When something comes up, you can tell it is upsetting him. Instead of talking about his feelings, he may blow it off and say, ‘It’s whatever.’ This can be a sign that something is off. Whether it’s with your relationship or in his personal life, a man who is constantly saying this has something going on that he doesn’t want to talk about.
Saying ‘It’s whatever’ may be an attempt to take the attention off of him. Men struggle with their emotions. Instead of talking about what’s bothering them, playing it off like it’s no big deal may be their coping mechanism.
2. ‘I’m fine’
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This phrase is another one your husband might say when something is off, but he isn’t ready to talk about it. Claiming he is fine when he is not might be his way of getting the attention off of himself. While you likely notice something is bothering him, he may not be ready to talk about it. Being there to support him can be helpful. However, it is up to him whether or not he decides to talk about it.
Saying ‘I’m fine’ even when we are not is a way for us to deny painful feelings. Your husband may be trying to convince himself that everything is going well. He could also be too embarrassed to talk about the problem.
3. ‘I’ve just been busy with work’
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Men put a lot of emphasis on their careers. Sometimes, it can be the one thing they feel confident about. In fact, men who are passionate about their job are seen as having higher potential in the workforce. He may genuinely be caught up in his work. However, if he is staying later and later at the office, something may be off.
He may be devoting himself to his work to avoid something bothering him, or he’s choosing to stay at work in hopes of letting something at home blow over. Whatever the case, if this behavior is out of character for your spouse, something is probably off.
4. ‘We can talk about this later’
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When problems arise, some people prefer to tackle them head-on. Instead of waiting, they’d rather work through the issue on the spot. Sometimes, that problem-solving technique doesn’t work for everyone. If you notice your husband is pushing back more when you want to discuss something with him, something may be off. If he is usually open to having these conversations when they arise, it can be a clear sign that something is going on under the surface of your relationship.
Your husband may be practicing avoidance coping. Instead of dealing with what is bothering him, he might push it to the side as a way to ignore it. This can be a sign that he is dealing with something difficult in the relationship.
5. ‘You make everything a big deal’
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Problems occur in relationships whether we want them to or not. Having conflict with our spouse is part of life. It can be about small and silly things or more serious issues. Whatever it may be, your feelings are valid even if there is a slight overreaction. When he does something that hurts you, you may make it a big deal. Instead of meeting you with kindness and understanding, he may be dismissive.
By telling you that you’re making a big deal out of something, he is shifting blame from himself onto you. If this happens more often, it could be a sign that something is off in the marriage.
6. ‘It doesn’t matter’
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Have you asked your husband for his opinion recently and were shut down? Sometimes, a man may show his disinterest in a relationship by failing to participate in decision-making. Whether it’s something as simple as what to make for dinner or more complex, like where to send the kids to school, blowing off a conversation can be a sign that something’s probably off. It’s not easy to hear this phrase. You can tell he isn’t interested in talking to you. It can be frustrating to make decisions when someone isn’t willing to weigh in.
By claiming something doesn’t matter to them, they are showing they are struggling with something in the relationship. It could be that it really does matter; they just don’t want to talk about it. Or, they can be genuinely disconnected from the partnership as a whole. This can lead to a one-sided relationship.
7. ‘You’re overreacting’
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Emotional invalidation can cause serious issues in a relationship. Sometimes, a good husband may say things like this because he is dealing with something under the surface. If you tell him your concerns and he claims you are overreacting, he may not be ready to discuss the underlying issues. Or, he can use this phrase to try to invalidate your valid feelings. This behavior, especially if you once had an attentive partner, can be a sign that something is off.
Feeling invalidated in a marriage can chip away at the relationship. Respect can be lost when your partner claims your problems are not worth reacting to. This phrase can be a distraction to avoid responsibility, or a sign that they are struggling in the marriage.
8. ‘I’m just telling it like it is’
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Has your husband always been blunt? He isn’t afraid to say what he thinks when he thinks it. If this isn’t normal behavior for him, but you’ve suddenly noticed him saying things like, ‘I’m just telling it how it is,’ something may be going on in the relationship. He may have lost his patience along the way. Whether it’s the same recurring argument or feeling stagnant in the marriage, the things he says may change.
Some people will use this phrase and claim they are just ‘brutally honest.’ In reality, their words are painful. If your husband is dismissing your feelings this way, something is likely going on behind the scenes.
9. ‘I’m not going to talk about that’
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Avoiding a serious conversation is a sign that something is off in a relationship. If your partner isn’t willing to hear you out, they may be disconnected from the union. If you bring up concerns to him and are met with, ‘I’m not going to talk about that,’ he may be avoiding something. He could be afraid to tell you the truth about his feelings, or he doesn’t feel you’re worth the energy to discuss a certain topic. Either way, this can be a painful phrase when repeated often.
Avoiding difficult conversations is common, but blatantly saying he is not going to talk about something that hurts you feels different. It can make you believe that he doesn’t care about the marriage. If he’s saying this often, he may be checked out completely.
10. ‘You can figure it out’
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Did you always have a helpful partner? Whenever you needed advice, he was the first person you’d go to. He’d be happy to talk you through your problems or help you reach something on the top shelf. He was always around for the little things. Suddenly, it feels like he is throwing you to the wolves. Saying things like, ‘you can figure it out,’ can leave us feeling helpless. A man who does this is probably feeling off about the relationship.
If he is constantly saying this phrase, he may be too self-centered. Something has caused him to shift all of the attention onto himself. It’s a sign that something is probably off in the marriage.
11. ‘Do whatever you want’
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In a marriage, we want to make decisions as partners. It could be for things around the house or career-driven conversations. Whatever the reasoning, talking things through with our spouses feels good. If your husband was easy to talk to and eager to give his opinion, but that suddenly changes one day, he may be disconnected from the marriage. It will show in what he says.
He may try to make you think he is giving you free will. However, if you’re used to making joint decisions, it could be a sign that something is off. His tone will be the biggest indicator.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
