If You Were Always The One 'Overreacting' In A Relationship, These 7 Realizations Will Just Click
Lany-Jade Mondou | Pexels If you were always the one labeled 'too sensitive' or 'overreacting' in a relationship, it can take years to untangle what was actually happening. The hardest part after a breakup with someone who treated you like that is waking up every morning, confused about what you are feeling. Being torn between feeling hurt or empty, or both. Sleeping feels like the only way to shut the thousands of pictures and thoughts running through your mind.
We look back on our past relationship and realize how happy we once were until it consumed us. It is where we let our partner make most of the decisions that sometimes don’t benefit the relationship, just them personally. We fall in love with the idea of being with one another, but we forget to consider the consequences that come with it.
We forget that cruelty and ignorance are not normal. No matter how badly you were treated before, it’s never an excuse to do the same to other people. As humans, we always choose to believe in someone and forgive them despite feeling hollow in return.
Reciprocation is never a big deal to us anymore, as long as we are able to give our best to them without even asking them to do the same thing in return. Anything less or too much is never enough, never just right. Therefore, most relationships fail.
If you were always the one 'overreacting' in a relationship, these realizations will just click:
1. Rebuilding yourself after being broken down is hard, but it's also where you become strong
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And your future self will thank you for that. It won’t be easy. It might take hundreds of crying nights, consecutive days of breakdowns, and constantly asking yourself what you did wrong that put you in this situation.
A 2025 study found that clarity, resilience, self-esteem, and optimism all work together to help people not just recover after a breakup but actually grow from it. The researchers found that people with a clearer sense of who they are develop stronger resilience pathways that help them adapt positively to the emotional challenges of heartbreak.
2. Opening up feels almost impossible when the last person you were vulnerable with used it against you
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The trauma you’ve been through will be the biggest hindrance while you struggle with opening your heart again. You’ve been hurt so much that you built a wall around your heart to be safe. Pushing people away became your new defense mechanism. But remember that it is possible to open up again.
It makes total sense that your guard is up, but keeping that wall in place forever means missing out on the kind of connection you actually deserve. As clinical social worker Terry Gaspard explains, "Even if you have been abandoned or cheated on, you can surrender your shield and allow your partner in."
3. Trusting someone new feels less like a choice and more like a risk you're never quite ready to take
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It’s hard to trust someone again after getting hurt. It makes you believe that all people who come into your life want to hurt you and that they will leave eventually. You will have difficulty believing again. When someone tries to break your walls and assures you that they won’t hurt you, you won’t believe them. Because you’re used to hearing the same thing. It’ll be hard to trust again, but remember that you will.
Research found that people who experienced heightened breakup distress were more likely to engage in replaying everything that went wrong over and over again, which kept them stuck in a cycle of fear that made trusting someone new feel nearly impossible. The study also found that the more time people gave themselves to process the pain, the more likely they were to eventually move through it.
4. Replaying everything over and over, trying to pinpoint the exact moment things went wrong, becomes an exhausting nightly ritual
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Overthinking will become your favorite hobby. From noon until midnight, you will have thoughts that continuously haunt you. You will always doubt yourself. You’ll always look back on the tiniest details of your shortcomings. You will ask yourself if you loved too little or too much. You’ll feel as if you didn’t do enough.
That mental replay loop, where you dissect every conversation and second-guess every choice you made, is your brain trying to solve a puzzle that was never yours to solve. Relationship expert Dr. Jess O'Reilly explains that a better gauge of where you stand comes from tuning into how you feel about yourself in the relationship rather than "attempting to analyze everything you've said, done, and experienced as a couple."
5. Wondering "Am I enough?" becomes the question that quietly follows you into every new connection
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Because if you were, how come he didn’t stay? How come you are in a position where you constantly question your worth? But believe your friends when they tell you there’s nothing you did wrong and that you are enough. Because darling, you are. Your worth is never the reflection of his absence.
It doesn’t make you less of a person just because they chose someone else over you. It’s never your fault that you were left behind. Because the hurt you are feeling is just a reminder of your ability to endure, and that you can love again. It’ll never be your weakness; it’ll be your greatest strength. Resiliency.
Research from UC Berkeley found that people with lower self-esteem are hypersensitive and hyper-reactive to anything that even hints at rejection. The good news is that the same study found people who worked on building their attention control and self-awareness were able to quiet those fear responses and start seeing themselves more clearly again.
6. Keeping things casual starts to feel safer than letting someone get close enough to hurt you again
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It’s like seriousness has gotten out of your vocabulary. This is just a phase. You can date all you want without being in a relationship. It’s okay to seek, try, and discover things. There’s no pressure of being committed, but also, never fear it. You’ll know when you’re ready because you’ll feel it. And it’ll take time.
After a breakup, some people are more likely to jump into rebound relationships to test the waters without fully committing. This tendency was especially strong in people with anxious attachment who feared being alone but weren't quite ready to be vulnerable again. Researchers noted that over time, as people processed their emotions and rebuilt their sense of self, they gradually became more open to letting someone in for real.
7. Wanting just one person who stays, not because they have to but because losing you isn't something they're willing to do, is the desire you carry underneath all the walls
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This is the hardest thing to take in. When you are used to being neglected, you will feel odd when someone treats you better. Most of the time, you won’t know how to react. You will think that this is just going to turn into another heartbreak because it’s too good to be true.
They say chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are heavy enough to be broken. But they never said you won’t be able to. Sometimes, assurance disrupts weariness.
But believing and trusting again is a difficult thing to do. So, remember not to fight against it. Instead, embrace it. Because this is exactly where you deserve. When people tell you that someone will come along and make you believe in love again, trust them. Because someone will come along. But it takes patience.
Sometimes, they come when you least expect them to. Or when you’re not ready. But they will come. Don’t allow the person who hurt you to keep a piece of your heart forever.
There are things in life we regret doing and spend our time punishing ourselves for. But remember that the greatest thing you can ever do to heal is to forgive. Forgiveness brings clarity, and clarity heals.
The things that hurt us feel like a heavy burden on our hearts, but they’re also life lessons. They will teach you and lead you to amazing places. They won’t break you, but teach you and make you grow. So never fear growth because it’ll make you who you want to become. The one you always see in the mirror. And that’s the person you are right now.
Lourdes Tabuyan is a writer who focuses on relationships, love, and dating. For more of her relationship content, visit her author profile on Unwritten.
