Wives Usually Lose Respect & Attraction To Their Husbands Because Of 10 Small Things That Happen Almost Every Day
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Even though romance and “chemistry” are glamorized in our modern culture in relationships, the truth is that respect lays the foundation for longevity and health. According to research professor Peter Gray, it’s often more important than any romantic connection or love. So, if a couple is losing respect for each other, it’s a big deal.
As a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found, emotional disengagement and a lack of effort are some of the major reasons why people lose respect. Experts call it the “point of no return” for couples drifting apart. Wives usually lose respect and attraction to their husbands because of small things that happen almost every day, but the root cause of these issues is this lack of care, empathy, and intention.
Wives usually lose respect and attraction to their husbands because of 10 small things that happen almost every day
1. Being distracted and not listening
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If a husband is on his phone and “half-listening” every time his wife speaks to him or distracting himself from quality time with a TV show when they’re finally together after work, it’s inevitable that she’ll end up losing respect for him. Feeling seen and heard is generally a basic human need, but especially in relationships, it’s necessary to build respect and understanding with each other.
Even if these conversations and moments of connection feel juvenile and harmless, they require some level of effort and attention. Your partner deserves and demands to feel seen by you, whether it feels convenient or not.
2. Weaponizing incompetence
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Even around things like doing chores or cleaning up the house, when a man weaponizes his incompetence, those tasks don’t simply go away. Usually, it’s mothers and women who are forced to bear that extra burden and take on all the extra work.
Of course, according to Pew Research Center, many women already take on the majority of household and emotional labor in their relationships with men, despite working and earning the same, if not more, than their partners. So, if a man isn’t acknowledging them for this work or putting in an effort to make their responsibilities fair and even, it can make a wife lose respect and attraction for him immediately.
3. Running from arguments and conflict
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While they tend to get a bad rap, arguments and conflict, when indulged healthily, can often boost relationship satisfaction and general health. The better a couple is at addressing concerns, working through roadblocks together, and offering each other empathy and respect when times get difficult, the longer they’ll be together and the happier they’ll be.
However, wives usually lose respect and attraction to their husbands because of small things like avoiding conflicts or running from arguments that happen almost every day. It’s clear that these men put their own ego and comfort above cultivating a healthy, strong relationship, and that’s unattractive, at the very least, to women drawn in by emotional safety and intimacy.
4. Acting defensively
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According to psychotherapist Avrum Weiss, many men are socialized into “protector” roles in their relationships that encourage them to feel responsible for their wives’ happiness. If they bring up a concern or seem unhappy, they believe they’ve faulted or “messed up” in some way, and may resort to defensiveness to cope with those uncomfortable emotions.
However, while most of these men aren’t doing anything “wrong,” accepting mistakes and being willing to grow vulnerably is an act of strength. Defensiveness amplifies disconnect and disrespect because not only are they not working together toward a solution in the relationship, but they’re also invalidating the hurt and dismissing their partner’s feelings.
5. Never taking initiative
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Whether it’s around little things at home, like changing the laundry over or emptying the dishwasher, or larger problems of personal and relationship accountability, women usually lose respect and attraction to their husbands because of small things like never taking the initiative.
They already feel burdened by tons of labor at home, so to have a husband lounging around or appreciating alone time without any for themselves, resentment and disconnection can feel inevitable.
6. Making decisions alone
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Of course, making big decisions around money and the future without a partner is a clear violation of trust and respect, especially if these decisions affect both people in a relationship. However, even smaller daily decisions like spending longer at work than normal or agreeing to see a friend can feel strangely misguided when they feel like a “secret.”
Being on the same page and the same “team” is a key component of healthy relationships, and while the manifestations of this identity might be elusive, it’s clear that making decisions and updating one another is a basic one.
7. Showing up late
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Even if it seems harmless and sometimes happens completely by accident, showing up late or even canceling plans at the last minute are some of the things that make wives lose respect and attraction for their husbands immediately. Showing up on time is a simple way to offer respect, in any kind of relationship, and if you can’t trust your partner to meet that bare minimum expectation, that’s a red flag.
Of course, other elements of inconsistency and disrespect include breaking promises and sharing details of a partner’s personal life without others. It’s the foundation of trust and respect that’s easily broken.
8. Making excuses
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Whether it’s phrases like “I was so busy today” to justify responding to a text or excuses about why they forget the anniversary date, women usually lose respect and attraction to their husbands because of small things like this that tend to happen every single day. There’s always an excuse to protect their ego, but in the end, it’s usually these wives who end up feeling unseen and invalidated.
As licensed marriage and family therapist Jason Whiting explains, excuses weaken relationships and chip away at trust. The more excuses you make and the farther a partner runs from accountability, the less trust and respect feed into their connection.
9. Refusing to change or grow
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Whether it’s small things like making excuses for their inconsistency on an everyday basis or larger refusals to grow as a person and own up to big mistakes, wives usually lose respect and attraction to their husbands because of these small things that happen often.
While it’s typically misguided stereotypes around masculinity that encourage men to avoid personal growth and admit that there’s something “wrong” with them that needs to change, it’s always possible to overcome the stigmas you’ve been socialized into. Of course, it takes a certain level of emotional maturity and intelligence to change for the better, but it will easily feed into connection, love, respect, and attraction in a marriage.
10. Neglecting intimacy and physical touch
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From staying up later to avoid going to bed at the same time to working later hours to run from quality time at home, men who neglect intimacy and small moments of physical touch often sabotage respect and attraction in their relationships. While women are generally more intentional about seeking out emotional connection, there’s no denying that affection is an integral part of long-term connections and romantic relationships.
As a study from the Journal of Sleep Research explains, even cuddling in bed at night and spending quality time together in a shared nighttime routine can boost relationship and sleep quality. So, excuses around staying up later or avoiding going to bed at the same time might feel harmless, but they can have powerful consequences.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
