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Boredom is a normal occurrence in any marriage. Fortunately you can find ways to be happier and more connected again with these tips.
By Brad Browning — Last updated on Aug 08, 2023
If you think your husband or wife (or marriage in general) is boring, it's time to act.
Marriages are one of the those things in life that get more challenging over time.
If you feel like you’re stuck in a rut or like your marriage is boring (just like your husband or wife), then it may be time to inject some energy into it.
While it’s common for the excitement in the early stages of a marriage to wear off over time, it’s important to notice if the time you spend with your spouse seems more like a chore than a choice.
Simply put, if you’re constantly wondering what you’re missing out on or asking yourself if things are as good as they’ll ever get, then you need to take action before your marriage tumbles completely down hill.
The problem with boredom in a marriage is that it can quickly lead to infidelity, divorce and other methods of escape. But before you panic, the good news is that there are ways to save a marriage from the dreaded plague of boredom.
In fact, rather than seeking a way out of your marriage entirely, you can work to create a brand new relationship for yourselves from within.
7 Ways to Deal With Boredom in Your Marriage
1. Sort through your personal issues and make yourself happy again.
Create happiness in yourself. To do this, sort through any personal issues or thoughts you’ve tucked away. You don't have to sign up for therapy but do take the time to dig deep and work on any personal issues you’ve been avoiding.
For example, if you’ve been struggling with anxiety or depression, now is the time to face those issues. Or, if you’ve been worried you made a mistake getting married, think back to why you said “I do” in the first place.
Doing so will flush out your bottled emotions, make you happier, and do wonders for your marriage.
2. Change your perspective.
Take a step back and change your outlook on the relationship.
For instance, if you currently see the marriage as being stuck in a rut, try changing your perspective to see the rut as a sign of security — security built through love — instead of something negative and dull. If you can do this, your feelings of boredom can also be transformed into feelings of deeper intimacy and attachment for your spouse and relationship.
Use your fresh perspective to nurture a warm sense of lasting, comfortable togetherness.
3. Do something new together.
Take the lead to do things completely out of the ordinary for you — together. If you usually watch Netflix on the couch, for example, suggest taking an evening walk or working on a new home project together.
Another great way to bring back the spark is by doing things you and your spouse used to do together but haven’t in awhile, or things you always talked about doing but never got around to. The idea is to keep your relationship interesting, and the possibilities to do so are endless.
Studies have shown that couples who share new and exciting experiences together are more committed and less likely to get disinterested.
4. Be spontaneous.
There’s nothing more thrilling than spontaneity. To do this, you and your spouse both need to set aside time in your schedules for one another and keep communication open. Knowing when you each will (and won't) be free will make it possible to surprise one another with activities, and will keep you both wondering when your next spontaneous rendezvous will take place.
Sneak around honestly to look for pockets of time when you and your spouse can break away from your regular routines. No matter how busy you both may be, there’s always something fun you can do together, even for brief amounts of time (and without leaving the house if necessary).
5. Find ways to spice up your life in the bedroom.
If you and your spouse lack intimacy, your entire relationship will be affected. Keep things between you fresh so you both look forward to making love and see the act as an exciting adventure together.
Talk honestly with your partner about their secret desires and the ways you can make things more exciting. For instance, maybe you’ve never shared much about your preferences when it comes to foreplay, positions, or ways to set the mood with music, massage oil, mirrors, candles, etc..
Once you are comfortable talking with one another, you’ll each feel more deeply connected and satisfied.
6. Learn something new every day.
Stay up to date with what’s going on in the world, read the news, get involved in your community and learn new skills.
Think about how much you and your partner opened up to one another when you first got together. Chances are, it was one of the main ways you connected.
No matter how long you’ve known one another, keep in mind there’s always something new to learn about your spouse, and look forward to uncovering those new details on a daily basis while sharing your new details with him.
7. Make a life of your own outside of your marriage.
In every relationship, it’s important that both of you have your own lives outside of the marriage. This means your own friends, hobbies, interests and space. After all, even the most dedicated introvert needs closeness with others.
Spending time with people other than your partner, pursuing hobbies and tackling new goals is an important part of growing as an individual.
If you choose to stand still while the world keeps spinning on, you’re without a doubt going to grow bored of your life.
An extra bonus is that spending time apart doing your own things will make you miss one another, and give you both new stories to share.
Follow these tips and kiss the boring husband goodbye, he's still the same guy but now he is exciting to be around again!
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Brad Browning is a relationship coach and breakup expert from Vancouver, Canada, who works with couples to repair and improve their relationships.