If A Wife Is Secretly Miserable, She'll Start Saying These 11 Things Casually
When a woman is miserable in her marriage but doesn't want her husband to know, she's likely to let little slights drip into conversation.
sun ok / Shutterstock We all have heard the trope of the Lonely Housewife — a woman who is often worked to the core, ignored by her husband while she daydreams of running away with a dashing character from a romance novel. While the Lonely Housewife might be a favorite in comedies, there’s often truth in fact.
Many wives stay in unhappy marriages without actually saying they’re upset about anything. Or rather, they say they’re fine, but they aren’t really okay with anything that’s happening. And if a wife is secretly miserable, she'll start saying things casually that let her husband know what's really going on. Fellas, take it from someone who has seen secretly unhappy wives plot their divorce firsthand. If you want to turn around your marriage before it’s too late, watch for these signs that your partner isn’t as happy as she claims to be.
If a wife is secretly miserable, she'll start saying these 11 things casually
1. ‘I’m tired’
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Make no mistake about it. Most women who are truly unhappy in their marriages are that way because of one of three things: having to stretch finances thin, being overworked while her husband relaxes, or feeling like they have to carry the mental load of the whole family.
Tiredness can happen to anyone, but regularly saying this could indicate that she’s burnt out. This is doubly true if you hear her complaining about childcare or something similar.
2. ‘I'm not in the mood’
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If there was ever a measuring stick for where your relationship stands, this is it. If you notice that your wife is never in the mood anymore, that’s a warning sign. This is especially true if your wife used to be incredibly snuggly and ready to cuddle.
A lack of intimacy is a major warning sign that your wife is so unhappy that she no longer wants to touch you. It can even be a sign of aversion to you. If you keep getting declined, it may be time to look into marriage counseling.
3. 'I’ll just go alone / I’ll just do it myself'
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Oh man. Speaking as someone who has said these things, I can attest that they are rarely said by a happy person. These phrases are more often said by women who have asked their partners, repeatedly, to do something or to go out with them somewhere.
Their partners were about as receptive as a brick wall. Knowing they would get called “naggy” if they tried to bring this up, wives who are over it just smile and say, “I’ll just do it myself.”
Needless to say, many guys are floored when they receive the divorce papers after hearing this one too many times.
4. ‘Don’t get married, haha’
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A lot of truth tends to be told while coated in jest. If you hear her jokingly “warn” her friends not to get married with an annoyed smile on her face, chances are that it’s not too much of a joke.
This “joke” is a sign that she might deeply regret marrying you. The same can be said if she regularly mentions how happy she used to be before she walked down the aisle or before she had kids.
5. ‘It doesn’t matter, I don’t care’
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For reasons beyond my understanding, a lot of husbands don’t quite seem to pick up on a woman’s sarcasm. While it’s possible to hear women say this for things that really don’t matter much to them (such as where to go grocery shopping), hearing this regularly or about major issues is a warning sign.
For example, if your wife says she “doesn’t care” that you forgot her birthday, that’s likely because she’s seething with anger but no longer wants to try to push the subject. It’s often because she wants to minimize her feelings to just keep the peace.
6. 'Wow, they look so happy together’
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Does your wife look at other couples with a low-key sense of awe? Women who are secretly miserable in their marriages tend to show serious amazement and envy when they see other couples who are doing well. It’s not unusual to hear unhappy wives marvel about what other couples do, too.
The truth is that this might be a sign that she’s a little bit sad over the lack of romance in her life. Be honest with yourself. Have you been treating her the way she should be treated?
7. ‘I shouldn’t feel that way, huh?’
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One of the more common ways men sabotage their marriages is by invalidating their wives’ feelings. Guys who do this often debate women on how they feel, especially after their wives bring up issues they care deeply about.
For example, if a wife says she is upset and feels neglected because all her husband ever does is veg out in front of the TV, he might argue that she’s being unfair because he’s so tired. If he keeps arguing that she’s being unfair, she’ll often resign herself to saying that she agrees to keep the peace.
However, she still feels that way, and her feelings aren’t being acknowledged. And trust me, that hurts.
8. ‘It's fine’
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This phrase has become such a red flag that it’s become its own TV trope. On rare occasions, women who say this actually are fine. However, there’s a reason why it’s a trope. When women get fed up with trying to act like they’re happy with things or seem very obviously upset, they tend to say this as a way to make their husbands stop talking.
“It's fine” is often short for “I honestly am really irritated or upset, but you’re not going to listen to me anyway, so please just shut up and go away.”
9. ‘Men are awful’
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Be careful if you overhear your wife talk about how much she dislikes men. While it’s common enough to hear women complain about men and vice versa from time to time, a wife who keeps harping on man-hating is a warning sign.
This is kind of an obvious issue. After all, no one is born hating others. It happens because of what you experience in life. More often than not, women who say misandristic things do so because of negative experiences they had with that gender.
Though this could be a result of a misogynistic work environment or social media, it can also stem from feeling betrayed or overworked in a marriage.
10. ‘Must be nice’
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Few phrases in the English language carry as much resentment as this one does. When a person says “must be nice” when they watch someone do something or hear about another person’s life, it often comes with a heavy undertone of jealousy, resentment, or contempt.
A wife who says this when she hears other women talking about romantic dates, wedding plans, or even having a break away from the kids is a wife who is envious of that woman. If she says this while watching interviews of others or similar in front of you, she might be trying to drop the hint that she’s not happy.
11. ‘That will be fun to explain in divorce court’
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Everyone has a sense of humor, but there are some jokes that shouldn’t be ignored. We’ve already gone over why you should be careful with a wife who jokes about not wanting to be married, but we didn’t discuss the other major joke style that should worry you.
If you hear her “joking” casually about divorce court (or worse, physically hurting you), it could be a result of it being on her mind. After all, people tend to joke about what they think about.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
