Nearly 60% Of Women Consider Divorce Once They Enter This Part Of Life, Study Finds
Husbands need to listen up.
Vergani Fotografia | Shutterstock We often hear about the "seven-year itch" that sets in for many marriages, the point at which, after seven years, happiness and spark begin to decline as the novelty of wedded bliss settles into routine.
But that's typically a male-centered thing. It's spoken about more as the point when men's eyes begin to wander. What about women? Do they have a point when they start feeling like they might have had it with this whole marriage thing? It turns out they do, according to a new study.
Nearly 60% of women consider divorce once menopause begins.
The study was conducted by hormonal health company Mira and surveyed 877 women about various aspects of their lives once they entered perimenopause, when, usually beginning in the late 40s, the hormonal declines that lead to menopause start, and with them, symptoms like hot flashes and irregular periods.
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This transition brings on myriad changes to life, of course, but Mira's survey found that chief among them is relationship strain: 59% of women reported more conflict and less intimacy with their partner as perimenopause began.
Surely related were two other telling results: 42% said the fatigue, stress, and lower patience that comes with menopause made parenting significantly more difficult; and even as this all wreaked havoc on their relationships, it bolstered friendships for 1 in 3 women.
Women said their partners' lack of understanding of menopause caused relationship strain.
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For as huge a life change as it is, perimenopause and menopause are still very poorly understood, even by many women. But men, unsurprisingly, understand it the least. In Mira's survey, 77% of respondents said they felt like their male partners didn't get what they were going through at all.
It's easy for men to assume this is just a natural part of life that's no big deal, but the constant discomfort and the emotional challenges of transition, perimenopause, and menopause are not just inconvenient for women. They are fundamentally disruptive to their lives.
And that takes a huge emotional toll. In Mira's survey, 1 in 3 women reported feeling lonely, and so consistently that 43% of them were misdiagnosed with a mental illness that was actually a treatable hormonal issue.
Going through all of that with a partner who is unable (or unwilling) to understand and support you adds feelings of abandonment and betrayal to the mix. It's no wonder then that a 2022 U.K. survey found that a staggering 70% of divorced women said menopause was what ruined their marriage, either because it increased marital tensions or worsened abuse.
Menopause is poorly understood in general, even by women.
It's not really surprising that so many women's partners don't understand menopause, because Mira's survey found that it is poorly understood even by other women, owing largely to information gaps in our medical system, which is, of course, geared toward making money, not helping or educating patients.
Another survey by Mira found that four in 10 women had never even heard of perimenopause. Of those who had, more than half heard about it on TV or social media, and most women relied on educating themselves, either via conversations with friends or from online research.
Why? Partly because in our medical system, access to a doctor for questions, or anything, for that matter, can be hard to come by. Studies have shown that women are also routinely not listened to in medical settings, even when they can get access to a doctor for information. This has led to a crisis of late diagnosis and ineffective "lifestyle" recommendations that often don't adequately address the problems of perimenopause.
That's a bigger problem than any one person can solve, but partners can at least help smooth this time of life by understanding what it is: A complete upheaval that drastically impacts quality of life, not a passing "change" to just be shrugged off. As large as the gaps in medical care are, the divorce statistics show the relational gaps are just as wide. It's time for husbands and partners to step up and start filling them.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
