If A Husband Says These 11 Things About His Wife, He Secretly Can’t Stand Her
If a man is saying these kinds of things about his wife, there is likely a lot of pent-up resentment in their relationship.
LightField Studios / Shutterstock Especially amid the chaos of life and a million responsibilities, it’s not uncommon for partners to drift apart and for marriages to go through rough patches, but that doesn’t mean there has to be a complete loss of romantic love, respect, or communication. According to research, when romantic love is sabotaged and dwindling, partners truly struggle and often end their relationships, whether it’s sparked by a loss of physical attraction or an emotional disconnection.
So, how do you know if a man dislikes his partner? Well, if a husband says these things about his wife, whether he’s talking to friends or sitting with co-workers in a meeting, there's a good chance that he secretly can’t stand her.
If a husband says these 11 things about his wife, he secretly can’t stand her
1. ‘She used to be fun’
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Men who are no longer attracted to their wives or interested in pursuing a relationship with them often use phrases like “she used to be so fun” around friends and family. They reflect back on better times, often when there was less stress, responsibility, and commitment, to justify their lack of engagement now, even if the truth is that they’re simply indifferent.
The majority of couples who get divorced later in life name “drifting apart” as one of the primary drivers behind their separation. So, even if it’s not specifically appearance, emotional intimacy, or even responsibility that’s fueling men saying these phrases, it could be an indicator that they feel less close to their wives than they did at the beginning of the relationship.
2. ‘She let herself go’
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If a husband says something like “she’s really let herself go” or “she was attractive when we got married” about his wife, he secretly can’t stand her. Even if it seems superficial, picking apart and criticizing looks, especially in a long-term relationship or marriage, can be a sign of deeper disconnect and resentment.
Of course, being attracted to your partner physically is important, but it’s not the most important thing keeping married couples together. In fact, as Professor of Social Psychology Madeleine A. Fugère suggests, it’s often deepened in couples who are more emotionally intertwined, respected, and connected.
3. ‘She’s always nagging me’
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While nagging can actually improve a man’s health in a relationship to a certain extent, as a study from Michigan State University argues, it can also spark hostility and irritation in a marriage. That’s why this is one of the more common things husbands say when they secretly can’t stand their partners. They can’t help but feel like they’re constantly being criticized.
Of course, this feeling of being nagged on or mothered by their wives could simply be a sign that they don’t feel heard. They may be going through a rough time and struggling with vulnerability, which can lead to a sense of disconnection that makes conversations and discussions painful, difficult, and riddled with resentment.
4. ‘I can’t do anything without her freaking out’
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If a husband says something like “I can’t do anything without her freaking out” or “everything turns into a thing,” that could be a sign that he secretly can’t stand his wife. Of course, disconnection can urge couples to avoid quality time and vulnerable conversations, so the only face-to-face time they spend talking is when they’re arguing, dealing with conflict, or expressing emotional concerns.
That can lead to partners feeling isolated and defensive. They may feel like whenever they do anything, it turns into a petty argument or a screaming match. Of course, this kind of marriage dynamic often isn’t solely one person’s fault. Both partners play a role in crafting it. So it’s likely true that a husband who can’t stand his wife is hyper-focusing on certain behaviors or even instigating these arguments that he's later condemning.
5. ‘She spends all my money’
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While financial problems and worries aren’t always the most influential topic of conversation that married couples deal with, a study published in the Family Relations journal argues that it is a more pervasive and problematic area for conflict, especially for couples already battling disconnection or resentment.
If a husband says something like “she spends all my money” to people outside of his relationship, chances are he has a wife that he can’t stand. He’s not worried about talking positively behind her back, setting boundaries in the relationship, or expressing concerns with her, but rather coping with his own resentment and painting a misguided narrative to others for validation.
6. ‘If it weren’t for the kids, I’d be out’
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Phrases like this one or “she’s great with the kids, but…” are often excuses for staying together in a disconnected, resentful, and unhappy relationship. Men who can’t stand their wives remain together for their kids, yet often craft a household dynamic fueled by criticism, judgment, and conflict that’s hard to justify.
Of course, even if this is an excuse couples are making for staying together, it’s hardly worth it or healthy for the kids themselves, according to Professor of Family Communication Sylvia L. Mikucki-Enyart. Kids who see their parents in unhealthy marriages and feel unhappy at home will struggle more in the future than if they deal with a divorce and separation. They notice more than their parents believe.
7. ‘It is what it is’
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Surprisingly, a certain kind of indifference toward romantic attraction and relationships can be healthy and grounding for relationships. Still, when it becomes consistently the most common behavior and mentality of a partner in a long-term marriage, it presents its own issues. Not only is an indifferent partner less engaged, intentional, and loving, but they also tend to spark isolation and resentment in their spouses.
Nobody feels heard, everyone feels disconnected, and suddenly the lifelong commitment two people made to each other is summed up by “it is what it is” in a passing conversation by an unhappy husband. He doesn’t care about putting in effort, trying harder, growing together, or overcoming struggles. He just complains and seeks validation from others.
8. ‘She always wants to talk about her feelings’
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Deep conversations, vulnerable moments, and emotional expressions are how couples grow closer together and navigate the rough times, according to a study from the American Psychological Association, so it’s not surprising that a man who can’t stand his wife avoids them completely.
They use phrases like “I’m not in the mood” or “let’s talk about this later” to avoid vulnerability, only to demean and invalidate their wife later on for asking for the bare minimum.
9. ‘She’s so needy’
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If a husband says things like “she’s so needy” or “she expects so much from me” about his wife, he secretly can’t stand her, or, at the very least, he’s not interested in putting in the work to connect and evolve with her. Relationships won’t stay healthy simply because they’re long, but rather because of the connection, intention, and commitment couples share. They have to be willing to work at it.
When a husband completely avoids doing the work and even demeans his wife for expecting it, they’re likely going to grow apart and struggle to rekindle the romantic love they’ve lost.
10. ‘She overreacts all the time’
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Men who are uncomfortable with their own internal security or commitment to a relationship will often compensate by bringing the people around them down. Whether it’s by gaslighting — with phrases like “she’s always overreacting” or “she’s so overwhelming” to other people — or being overly critical of his wife to her face, he wants to control the narrative to protect himself.
Sometimes, these phrases can also be less intentional and manipulative, and more subconscious. They are simply a manifestation of his disinterest in putting the work and effort into his relationship.
11. ‘I don’t even argue anymore — it’s not worth it’
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While husbands who can’t stand their wives anymore may use a phrase like “I don’t even argue anymore — it’s not worth it” as a justification for their disengagement, their avoidance is often more nuanced than that. They prefer to avoid situations where they need to be vulnerable or express themselves because they’re already grappling with the emotional conflict and anxiety of falling out of love.
Especially for men who already have avoidant coping styles and attachments, when they experience a loss of attraction, connection, or romantic love, they may distance themselves entirely, avoiding arguments and conflict for their own comfort and security.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
