7 Hidden Qualities That Make You Far More Attractive Than You Realize, According To Psychology
It's not all about looks.
Vin Stratton | Unsplash I'm turning 30 this year, which is scary but also exhilarating and freeing. That's because I've basically grown out of my insecurities ... or I'm just simply tired of dealing with them. Turning 30 doesn't magically come with confidence, though.
Research on maturation helps us understand the complex processes of human growth and development across the lifespan. Maturation is a process, so over the past few years, I was very proactive in trying to make myself a better person. That all started with self-love (not to be entirely cheesy). Here's what I learned about why I'm more attractive, desirable, and amazing than I ever thought I could be, and what I want you to know about how to be happy with yourself, too.
7 hidden qualities make you far more attractive than you realize, according to psychology:
1. You have a strong sense of self
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Perfection isn't real. Magazines, television shows, movies, and brands tell a story of beauty and idealism that just isn't realistic or — get ready for this — worth paying attention to.
There was a time when I compared myself to others, and it only led to unhappiness and insecurity. Once I realized that my own beauty and awesomeness existed only in relation to itself (not to others), I was able to feel more confident.
The secret is this: the way we rock our imperfections, flaws, and unique qualities makes us hot. If you walk into a room thinking, "I'm amazing," other people will see that, too. You don't have to compare yourself, because literally all you can be is yourself.
2. You value substance over surface
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When I talk to my friends about the deeper things (self-love, confidence, self-esteem, dating), they usually have negative things to say about how their looks make them feel. You should be proud of who you are as a person: your hobbies, your talents, your compassion, your kindness, your generosity, your work ethic.
These are things that actually make you who you are, so make sure to acknowledge these strengths and let them lead you in life. Your looks will only last so long, and at the end of it all, it's what you brought to the table that makes you beautiful.
Research indicates that self-love and self-compassion are linked to reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression, improved stress resilience, and a more optimistic outlook on life. Practicing self-kindness and forgiveness can help individuals cope with setbacks and challenges more effectively.
3. You reject society's beauty standards
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Everyone is gorgeous in their own way. That might sound like a cliché, but the truth is that there isn't one type of beauty.
While the fashion industry might tell us that being a size 0 with super high cheekbones is the only way to be beautiful, the fashion industry isn't everyone else you meet on the street. Remember that beauty existed way before it was defined and marketed for general consumption.
4. You have a magnetic personal 'thing'
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What's your unique thing? Mine would probably be my leadership. I love to channel my energy into creating something, inspiring others to join me, and encouraging them to be awesome.
What's your thing? Are you the kind of person who walks into a room and becomes the life of the party?
Are you the silent type who listens and offers amazing advice? Are you mysterious, with an innately sensual aura? Those are nuanced, silent things that make you attractive.
Harness your powers, and let them lead you. People — friends, lovers, coworkers — will all notice. And some of them will have a crush on you because of it.
Understanding what makes you special helps you allocate resources effectively, make more meaningful choices, and contribute to the world in a way that aligns with your values. Research suggests that purposeful individuals may live longer and healthier lives.
5. You carry wisdom and curiosity
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When you've experienced a lot in life, you've likely learned so many things. Having those valuable experiences, new ideas, and self-discoveries is what it's all about. And being able to share what you've learned with the people around you is majorly attractive.
Have you ever said you've been able to travel to multiple continents and learned another language? Did you finish a degree program and land a sweet job?
Are you a community leader? Did you discover the key to keeping long-lasting friendships around? Congrats. Those are all things that make you glow.
6. You don't seek external validation
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Guess what screams, "I'm super hot!?" It's the fact that you've just stopped caring about the ideals, standards, unfair measuring systems, and garbage that society throws at you.
At some point, you discover that perfection is an unattainable idea and that being an amazing person comes from radiating with the cool, calm, "You do you, I'll do me" vibe.
Constantly worrying about what others think can prevent individuals from expressing their true selves, pursuing passions, and making choices that align with their values. One study explained that it can also lead to feeling trapped in social roles and expectations.
7. You're not afraid to be real
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Showing your vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and needs can sometimes be alluring. Being a human being — real and imperfect, and in need of love and compassion — is better than being a robot. When you're real, you're endearing.
Remember that next time you worry about sounding, looking, and being the best. Knowing when to be real, and when to let that realness show, is key.
Lisa Marie Basile is the author of Light Magic for Dark Times. She's been featured in The New York Times, Refinery 29, The Fix, Catapult, Narratively, Good Housekeeping, Bustle, Sabat Magazine, and others.
