What Makes You Instantly More Attractive To Men

You'll be surprised how well it works!

woman looking at man Robby Fontanesi / Shutterstock

Not long ago, I was talking to a divorced friend and she told me how she was out walking with her dad, discussing the challenges of how to find love after turning 50. My friend is generally optimistic, but when it comes to dating she’s pretty skeptical about falling in love again. 

At some point during the walk, a woman walked in their direction, smiling as she passed by. Her father commented that she looked like she was "eager to greet the day." I was taken by those words, and how positive and intentional they sound. 


Intrigued, I had my friend ask her dad what he meant by that phrase. He replied, "She was dressed up like she wanted to look good and knew how to be attractive, seemed confident and upbeat, she had makeup on and wore these really fun, long earrings. She smiled and looked at us and, I don’t know, she just looked happy to be there."

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I have no idea if that woman was single or not, but it made me think about all the fabulous single women I work with.

And I wonder: How often do they project this sort of inner vitality, not only when it comes to their dating life, but also in their life, in general? 


How many of us leave our house with that kind of spirited vigor? Instead, people tend to merely "meet the day." Do those people still end up finding love? This eager and open-hearted energy is important because it signals to the world that we're available — not just as someone who looks approachable, but someone others can approach.

We need to emit this energy when we’re looking for love; it’s the magic that literally pulls people to us.

Consider this. When you're out with friends, you probably go to great lengths to look (and be) the best version of yourself. You dress the part, your makeup and hair look good, and you smile in anticipation of all the good things that may come your way that night. Acknowledging the possibility of meeting someone affects how you act, even when you’re unsure about the outcome.

Generally, when you’re excited about a date, you hope that love develops, so you prepare to make a great impression. Yet, as I thought about all this, what struck me was how much effort we all put into getting ready for a date, but not so much when we're "off duty."


Going to the grocery store, putting gas in the car, visiting the bank, post office, or Target — these are all everyday things you do that put you in front of other singles. Why don’t you look (and more importantly act) the part then?

Stepping off the curb and back into the dating world is daunting. But a woman who is serious about how to find love doesn’t just hope to meet him someday; she knows she might meet him any day, so she prepares for it by looking her best, acting with intention, and connecting with others. 

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You won’t always have days like this, but you can plan to have more of them — just like we plan to have a good time on a date. If you’re going to find the right person, you have to be the right person. Being intentional puts you in charge of the direction of your life.


Your everyday behavior should reflect how you imagine yourself in a relationship. This, above all else, determines whether or not there will be a second glance in your direction. 

Something as simple as a smile can have a huge positive impact on your brain and affects how other people perceive you. "What you see is what you get" is the gut-level belief that we all feel when deciding whether to approach someone or walk the other direction. Think about it.

The one thing you need to do to attract your "Plus 1" is to "eagerly greet the day" with a positive attitude that connects you with others.

Here are some tips to help you embody the vitality that keeps you open and ready to recognize love — and receive it — when it comes your way:

  • When you wake up in the morning and go to bed at night, take a couple of minutes to visualize yourself deeply in love, feeling joyful and happy to be alive.
  • Start your day with the intention of making it positive, and do what feels good — from singing love songs in the shower to eating a delicious breakfast.
  • Check-in with yourself throughout the day to gain awareness of how you’re doing, and change direction if you’re beginning to slump. 
  • Make eye contact and smile; create a world of connection and belonging. This allows your brain to maximize its ability to rewire itself in positive ways through new behavior and thinking.

Adopting these new behaviors and ways of thinking isn’t "to get the guy" — it’s to become the best, most positive version of you that’s approachable, and unafraid to approach. Though, it just may happen that you do "get the guy," too. 

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Dr. Sue Mandel is a dating coach specializing in how the brain and chemistry influence how people find love. Visit her website for more information.