7 Fights Deeply Unhappy Couples Have On A Regular Basis
Petty issues that will ultimately ruin your relationship.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Relationships are complicated. For any marriage or long-term relationship to work, you have to spend a lot of time with that person and make a concerted effort to understand their needs and communicate your own in an open, collaborative, and productive manner.
At the same time, it's common for even the healthiest, most connected couples to fight, have controversies, and refrain from communicating from time to time when problems and issues arise. However, there are a few fights deeply unhappy couples tend to have on a regular basis — research by the Gottman Institute supports that the most important thing to remember is that no relationship is perfect.
Relationship and marriage problems may surface, but this doesn't mean you have to stop fighting to live a happy life together. All couples go through similar problems, and learning how to fix a relationship with even the trickiest problems can help you get back on the right track.
Here are seven fights deeply unhappy couples have on a regular basis:
1. Fights about a lack of communication
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An unhealthy relationship is one in which couples fail to communicate. Do not make the mistake of thinking that your partner knows what you are feeling. No one is psychic, so you need to express your feelings clearly.
Solution: Avoid aggressive communication, as this will have quite the opposite effect. Sit down with your partner and tell them how you feel, without placing the blame on them.
2. Fights about constant criticism
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Perfectionists have a difficult time being in a relationship. They are tempted to see their partner's flaws and criticize them for anything they are not doing to their standards.
While a little bit of criticism can do wonders and motivate your partner, nagging will only cause the two of you to drift further apart.
Research from the Gottman Institute identifies criticism as a major predictor of relationship failure. By understanding the dynamics of criticism, practicing healthier communication, and fostering empathy, couples can move away from negativity and create a more supportive and fulfilling relationship.
Solution: What you want to do is change your perspective and appreciate your partner for all the things they do well.
3. Fights over chores
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As adults, we no longer have our parents to handle the difficult things for us. In a relationship, chores are among the most common subjects of disputes, especially when both partners are working long hours.
When the work is unequally divided, you might feel mistreated and, thus, more inclined to fight.
Solution: A chore calendar is an obvious solution to the problem, with each partner handling a number of different chores each week.
4. Fights over work/personal life balance
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While your career is important to you, this does not mean you should neglect your personal life. Workaholics have a difficult time staying in a relationship, as they are rather married to their job and have the tendency to ignore their partner.
Studies indicate that higher levels of workload are associated with lower relationship quality, potentially due to the negative effects of work-related stress spilling over into personal relationships.
Work-life balance acts as a mediator between work-family conflict and mental well-being. This means that when individuals experience work-family conflict, their well-being is negatively impacted, but this impact is lessened when they have a better work-life balance.
Solution: Make some sacrifices and try to maintain an adequate balance between your work and personal life. At the same time, if you feel like your partner does the same thing, be sure to talk about your feelings. Do not hide them away, or you will end up bursting at the wrong moment.
5. Fights over cheating
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Cheating is a serious red flag, leading to separation and even divorce.
Solution: The best thing is to talk openly about your relationship and find smart solutions to address dissatisfaction. It is said that no one cheats just because they want to — partners might feel ignored, mistreated, or no longer loved. Pay attention to your partner, show your feelings, and communicate about what's bothering you, so cheating won't be a thing to worry about.
6. Fights about the right moment to become parents
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Not all couples want children. But those who do often end up fighting about the right moment to become parents. Open communication always has a positive effect on a relationship, so you need to tell your partner exactly how you are feeling.
Do not spend your time trying to decipher your partner. You will end up frustrated and, thus, create more distance between the two of you.
Discrepancies in desires about when to have children can lead to significant conflict and tension, potentially accelerating the decline in relationship satisfaction. Research suggests that openly discussing timelines and concerns allows couples to understand each other's perspectives and work towards a mutually agreeable plan, or recognize potential incompatibilities.
Solution: If you consider that you want to wait, be sure to provide sound reasons. On the other hand, if you feel like they are not prepared, discuss the reasons behind such feelings.
7. Fights about money
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Financial difficulties can place an additional strain on relationships. You will fight all the time about expenses and place the blame on your partner for spending too much.
Solution: Stop fighting and blaming one another first, as this will only cause you to fight even more. Then, as responsible adults, organize a budget to cover your expenses and take simple measures to cut back. Shop with a list, avoid sales, and do not go overboard with personal expenses. As soon as you're back on track financially, reward yourselves with a little something.
These are some of the most common relationship problems all couples go through, so if you're dealing with one or more of these with your partner, you're not alone.
But in order to learn how to fix your relationship problems and overcome these issues, what matters is that you communicate in an open manner, trying to find the most efficient solutions together. Blaming your partner, criticizing, or condescension is never the solution.
Open communication and love are the two foundation stones on which all relationships are based. Love your partner and tell them how you feel. It is as simple as that.
Donna Begg is an expert editor, researcher, and analyst affiliated with Consumer Health Digest, where she works with beauty and health experts.
