How Dirty Talk Saved Our Marriage

Photo: Volodymyr TVERDOKHLIB / Shutterstock
sexy couple

It was several years into my current relationship when the sex started becoming a mundane activity that was scheduled rather than spontaneous the way it used to be.

Quite frankly sex had become about as exciting as chopping broccoli. That all changed one night when I heard something at the beginning of our normal ritualistic once-a-week sex that perked up my ears and libido.

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Any talking we had ever done during sex was more or less directional or something like "Is that it, baby?" or "I can't do this with the cat in the room!"

We just did not communicate. 

Then I heard the words that changed everything, "Get over here and do as I say!"

I was then talked through every step of the session with language that was definitely racy but not disgusting, there is a fine line.

What we did physically didn't really change much that night, but the tone was definitely different and it was far more exciting. I felt like someone else and with that came the freedom to act like someone else.

I had seen couples talking dirty on television or in movies but I never for a second thought we were one of those couples.

We were just regular suburbanites with jobs, kids, and a mortgage, not some young sexy Hollywood couple.

Thank goodness none of that mattered; it actually made it all the more exciting. That first night was amazing and it led to sex that wasn't on the schedule, a lot of it! Our new sex life with dirty talking incorporated into it had an edge unlike any we had ever experienced before. For the first time in years, I really wanted to have sex.

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After a few weeks, I had grown more and more comfortable with it as part of our lovemaking and wanted to push the envelope a bit further. It was my turn to be the dirty talker.

The first time I tried, it was hard not to laugh at myself. I had trouble saying the things I thought would be a turn-on without giggling or becoming embarrassed to a certain degree. Fortunately, this was not held against me and within a week or so I got more and more comfortable with my role and started to really get into it even surprised myself with the things I said.

While the increase in sex was fantastic, the things dirty talking led to were phenomenal beyond that.

We were actually enjoying sex again. It was as if this freedom to speak so openly allowed us to start getting proactive about our desires and fantasies and take them out of our imaginations and into the living realm. Before having carte blanche to say anything to each other in the bedroom we just went with the passionless flow. Dirty talking added to our sex lives like a shot of hot sauce on grits.

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The impact of dirty talking didn't end when sex did; it carried over to our daily lives. It was as if we had just met again and the honeymoon phase was beginning.

We suddenly started paying more attention to each other. A dozen flowers may appear at my job, or there were times I would come home to find dinner was made and waiting and the kitchen was clean! If I knew dirty talking could lead to that I would have tried it years earlier.

Sometimes I would send the kids to their aunts and make it a special weekend. The most important thing though was how much it improved our overall communication outside of the bedroom, for the first time in years we began talking at dinner or taking evening walks discussing whatever came to mind.

Dirty talking may seem taboo or even a little creepy at first for some people, but I am so glad it entered our lives.

In all honesty without it I am not sure we would be planning our fifteenth anniversary, it really made that big a difference! The next time you're in the bedroom give it a try. A little dirty talk won't hurt anything and it may just give you everything.

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Alex Alexander is a pseudonym. The author of this article is known to YourTango but is choosing to remain anonymous.