Couples Who Don't Let Each Other's Bad Moods Drain Them Do 5 Things Differently, According To Psychology
These couples protect their peace by handling each other's emotions in surprisingly healthy ways.
stockfour | Canva Why does having to keep your relationship strong require so much energy? Once-big gestures often become everyday things, and all you can do is try to keep your bad mood from draining your relationship. Yet, spending time together daily is what is supposed to lead to greater happiness and higher marital satisfaction, according to a study of older married couples.
Yet, few couples today know how to keep their moods from depleting a good relationship. And when seeking advice, so many options can appear unrealistic and feel a bit overwhelming — but fear not.
Here are 5 things couples who don't let each other's bad moods drain do differently, according to psychology:
1. They make eye contact when their partner talks to them
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When you go to work in the morning and see co-workers, do you look them in the eye and wish them a good morning? When you are ordering coffee, do you look your barista in the eye and thank them for their service? Of course, you do!
So, if you naturally use eye contact as a source of connection in your life, why wouldn’t you use it in your relationship? A 2021 study explained how eye contact "marks the rise and fall of shared attention in conversation."
Many couples who find themselves disconnected from each other no longer look each other in the eye. Instead, they occupy themselves with something suddenly very important if their partner walks into the room.
They keep their eye on the TV when the other says goodnight. They leave in the morning with a quick peck on the cheek, moving towards the door with haste.
It is impossible to remain connected to someone if you don’t look them in the eye. Human beings thrive on eye-to-eye contact, and not having it can only cause chaos in a marriage. So, when you walk into the house, look your spouse in the eye and greet them. Connect with them in a way that lets them know you care.
2. They hug their partner often
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It seems trivial, but hugging your spouse every day can be the thing to keep your relationship or marriage strong, maybe more than anything else.
Hugs do two things, both of which are important for a marriage that thrives. Hugs use physical contact to convey caring. Think about how good it feels to get a hug from anyone. Now imagine a hug from the person you love. Pretty amazing, right?
A 10-second hug leads to the production of oxytocin, according to a 2005 study, the feel-good chemical that enhances happiness and fights depression. They say a 10-second hug, once a day, can deepen a couple’s connection in a big way.
Also, another study from the American Psychological Association (APA) showed that hugs are great stress relievers. Holding someone in a firm hug for 20 seconds has been proven to release stress. What a gift that would be — to hug your person and make them feel less stressed out in this stressful world. So, if you aren’t doing it regularly, hug your partner.
3. They pay attention and make mental notes
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Plenty of women say or think, "Why can’t he just know what I want? Why do I always have to tell him?" If you are a woman, you are saying "Yes!" If you are a guy, you are saying "Ugh!"
Women are very good at tuning into each other’s needs, but it’s harder for men to do so. As a result, a distance can grow between a man and a woman because opportunities to make each other happy are being missed.
Both men and women should pay attention to their partners. Note their likes and their dislikes, what makes them happy and sad, the things they enjoy doing and being done to them.
Both husband and wife should tell their person what they need if they aren’t getting it. There is no reason to sulk and get resentful when there's a person right there who wants to give you what you want. You might want them to guess, but if they don’t, tell them.
A person who pays attention is a person who will make their partner feel loved in a big way. Yes, you might not be able to anticipate your person’s every need, but if you pay attention, you will be able to come pretty close.
4. They do little things their partner loves
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You know the saying, "It’s the small things that make the difference"? Take this phrase to heart, because it’s true. Small gestures can keep your relationship healthy and humming along.
By small things, it means bringing your lady flowers, thanking him for helping you with a task, asking your guy to go for a walk, making a cake for their birthday, or dropping them a random text during the day.
It’s doing things to make life a little less dreary. The things to make your person know you are thinking of them, to keep your relationship healthy and happy.
5. They make time for one another
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One of the things lacking most in this modern world is time. Because we are lacking time, for some reason, what goes to the bottom of the priority list is relationships. However, a 2016 study explained, "Perceptions of balance versus imbalance in the work of relationship maintenance were associated with satisfaction and commitment to the relationship.
We willingly give our time to work and to children and hobbies, but we often take our relationships for granted and don’t give them the time they deserve. So, how do you carve out time in this crazy world?
Even if your marriage is going through something, go to bed together. Read side by side and then turn off the light, spending intimate and cozy time together before going to sleep.
Another idea would be getting up early one morning a week for coffee and conversation. Or having a quick drink after work, before the chaos of homework and dinner kicks in. Or taking a walk together. Or getting a babysitter and going on a date.
Making time seems difficult, but really, it isn’t. All you have to do is be aware that it’s important to make it happen. You can work one-half hour less or skip a bike riding day and make your relationship healthier, just like that.
Making a happy and fulfilling relationship doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. Every day things make a huge difference in the health of a relationship, yet the everyday things that can be forgotten amid the chaos of the modern world.
Having a healthy marriage is the top goal for most people, and yet so many marriages and relationships are unhealthy. Try some of these everyday things and see the health of your relationship bloom.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, and Psych Central, among many others.
