11 Common Behaviors That Make Men Lose Interest Fast, According To Research
They want to feel desired.
New Africa | Shutterstock Research, like one 2024 study, argues that a person's preferences in a relationship, the desirable and undesirable traits they characterize, are sometimes subtly influenced by their identity, age, income, education, and romantic past. That's a given. But what about the nuanced and seemingly mysterious nature of gender in romantic partnerships, specifically how men lose and cultivate interest in their potential partners?
For the most part, the common behaviors that make men lose interest fast are less definite than they seem. Of course, gender plays a role in relationship expectations, social norms that influence behavior, and personal identity, but most people bring their own unique myriad of expectations and experiences to their connections.
Here are 11 common behaviors that make men lose interest fast, according to research
1. Moving too quickly in the relationship
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First of all, when you're with the right person, there's no such thing as "too fast." You might need to communicate and set boundaries about progressing through the relationship, but the love of your life — rather, the loves of your life — won't "lose interest" when you want more closeness, intimacy, or commitment.
With that being said, the pressure men feel to be vulnerable at the expense of their misguided societally defined masculinity can push them away from commitment early on. They don't like "labels" and justify seeing other people because you don't have one.
As a woman or a man's partner, you have the power to decide what you're willing to tolerate, and if a man loses interest because you wanted to commit, add a label, or set boundaries to respect your time, that's not your person.
2. Trying to change them
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If you're immediately trying to "project" your dream partner before even solidifying a relationship with a man, chances are this is one of the common behaviors that will ensure he loses interest. According to a study from PLOS One, people feel most secure and happy in their relationships when they feel heard, but when that's overlooked for comparison and expectation, it's the opposite.
Accept a partner for who they are, so they feel safe, secure, and appreciated enough to change into the best version of themselves down the road.
3. Acting more like a roommate
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In long-term relationships, acting like a roommate and falling into roommate phases is relatively natural, according to psychologist and coach Silvana Mici. However, focusing only on logistics in a routine can often make a man lose interest. Desirability and physical attractiveness often play a strong role in how men fall and stay in love, and if they feel like your roommate all the time, they'll likely disconnect.
While women should never feel forced to change themselves for the desirability of any man, creating space for intimacy, physical touch, and connection in a relationship they love and feel safe in can boost attractiveness in every way. Life gets chaotic, and everyone has responsibilities to deal with, but small moments of connection and intimacy can make a big difference.
4. Not making them feel desired
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According to a 2021 study, men feel most secure and happy in their relationships, especially amid physically intimate moments, when they feel desired, not necessarily "needed." Especially if they're grappling with confusion around the roles of provider and protector assigned by societal norms, feeling desired can play a large role in their security with a partner.
Even in small moments, not offering space for him to support you or overlooking the importance of a few minutes for intimate connection can be some of the common behaviors that make men lose interest fast, according to research.
5. Guilting or blaming them
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A study from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that emotional games and insecure attachments often drive couples apart in relationships — whether it's blaming, guilt-tripping, or relying on other emotional manipulative tactics. Even if they seem harmless, like withholding intimacy when you're upset, these are common behaviors that make men lose interest fast, according to research.
Authenticity, honesty, and a secure attachment build strong, healthy relationships for all genders. While everyone online or in social circles may tell you that "playing games" is how you pique a man's interest, it's not how you build a truly loving relationship.
6. Being overly controlling
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Being over-controlling and adopting a "parenting" identity in a relationship are some of the common behaviors that make men lose interest fast, according to research.
Like crisis marriage coach Stephen Hedger explained, men thrive on respect and acknowledgment. When they feel like a "failure" at home or are constantly being "parented" by their partner, they miss out on the healthy levels of respect and appreciation they need to feel secure. Even if it's something small like nagging him about chores, these are things that require open communication in a truly balanced relationship.
7. Comparing them to other men
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Comparing relationships and partners to others not only negatively affects the well-being of the relationship as a whole, but it also tends to sabotage trust and self-esteem in your partner, at least according to a study from Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
That's why comparing a man to other men online or friends' partners is one of the common behaviors that make men lose interest fast, according to research. They want to feel secure and desired like anyone else, but constantly being pushed to unattainable standards through comparison can drive disinterest.
8. Lacking confidence
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If your relationship is the sole pinnacle of personal self-esteem or you generally lack confidence in other areas of your life, that can quickly spark common behaviors that make men lose interest fast, according to research. From seeking validation and attention constantly to being unable to live your own life when he's not around, it's important to cultivate security in yourself so the relationship remains balanced.
While some studies suggest that men subconsciously struggle with shame and self-esteem when their wives succeed on their own terms, truly healthy relationships are dependent on the happiness, security, and confidence of individual partners.
9. Over-critiquing them constantly
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According to a study from the Journal of Psychology, hostile criticism is often more associated with negative relationship processes in women than in men, meaning they tend to rely on it to cope with resentment or disconnect in their marriages. If they've adopted a "parenting" role with their partners, this could also be a manifestation of that — nagging and picking apart tiny things that further create divisiveness.
However, feeling unheard and also feeling constantly critiqued for every little thing they do are some of the common behaviors that make men lose interest fast, according to research. They feel both less like "a man" and also constantly ridiculed, so of course they're less invested.
10. Suppressing authenticity
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A study from Personality and Individual Differences found that authenticity — manifested in a number of unique ways from language choice to self-expression — is largely associated with attractiveness in romantic relationships and the dating landscape. The more genuine and authentic you are, or at least "seem" to other people, the more willing they are to cultivate attraction.
So, if it's clear that you're putting on a facade or trying to be someone you're not to impress a man, it can affect how interested they are in you, especially if they know a piece of how you are in a relationship already.
11. Lacking emotional regulation skills
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A study from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that people with strong self-regulation skills are often less tempted by other people and more invested in the well-being of their personal relationships. So, it's not surprising that regulation and emotional intelligence often play a big role in influencing attractiveness and commitment inside a relationship.
That's why lacking regulation skills, having regular outbursts, and being unable to effectively communicate emotions in a healthy way are all common behaviors that make men lose interest fast, according to research. Of course, a healthy, regulated, and emotionally intelligent man isn't going to stick around to teach someone how to take care of themselves. They need stability and security just as much as everyone else.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
