The Art Of Likability: 9 Psychology-Backed Tricks That Make People Instantly Warm Up To You
How truly likable people make others feel instantly at ease.
AaronAmat | Canva We all know that making meaningful connections doesn't happen like it does in fairy tales or the movies. It takes real effort in the real world. But here's the good news: developing genuine likability and helping people warm up to you is a skill you can learn, and it's immensely rewarding.
Do you go out looking for connection but feel like you're missing something? Do you feel like you're playing a social game where you don't know the rules? Do you want to know what you can do to become more naturally likable? These are genuine, research-backed strategies that can help you create the connections, romantic or otherwise, that you're looking for.
Here are 9 psychology-backed tricks that make people instantly warm up to you:
1. Be your true self
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Present yourself as the same person online and offline. People are pleasantly surprised to meet a person who portrays themselves accurately. Trust is necessary and starts with being honest about superficial things (i.e., height, appearance, age, interests).
The International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health supports that communicating openly about who you are, your beliefs, and your views on life and love so your dates get to know who you truly are. Let them make an honest choice if the real you is right.
2. Be respectful
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Treat people with respect, as shown by research from the Department of Psychology at the University of California, Davis. This means dating responsibly. Take care of your appearance and hygiene. Be a person of your word. Be well-mannered, courteous, and respectful in your words, behaviors, and actions.
Take the time to learn who they are and what they are about, and share who you are with them. Let things unfold as they're meant to instead of trying to rush the relationship.
3. Have integrity
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Be honest. If at the end of a date, you don't wish to see them again, don’t say, "I'll call you, and let's do this again." A study of integrity by The Gottman Institute explains how empty words and empty promises create false hope and end up being more hurtful. In this situation, kind honesty is best.
Say something like, "Thank you for meeting me. I enjoyed talking with you, though I didn't feel a romantic connection. I wish you well in life and love."
4. Make the first move
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Though people are leaders every day in their professional lives, many prefer to be with someone who will make the first move romantically. Studies conducted by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships support that if you're interested in them, ask them out. Contact them based on what you read in their dating profile (i.e., referencing common interests, asking a question about something that sparked your attention) before the window of opportunity passes.
The caveat is: Don't make mention of their appearance in a creepy way. A person of worth doesn't respond positively to creepy messages.
5. Be open to who they are
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Be open to more than a person's physical appearance and age, as suggested by research from the American Psychological Association. Wonderful people come in all packages. Instead of making physical appearance your main criterion, focus 80 percent of your opinion on their inner appearance and 20 percent on their outward appearance.
This also means dating people who are closer to you in age. You'll increase your odds of meeting and dating more people.
6. Be thoughtful
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The Journal of Family Theory and Review demonstrates how one of the most important things for understanding is to show consideration and care about a person's feelings. A lot of people need to feel connected to someone they are dating to keep a positive momentum going. When they don't hear from you between dates, a space of negative energy can build up.
People like to know you're thinking of them in between the times you see each other. You can let them know this with a text or a quick phone call. It's the little things that matter and add up to make a big difference.
7. Be patient
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When it comes to dating, patience is a virtue, as supported by the Journal of Experimental Psychology. Don't sacrifice short-term urges for your long-term happiness.
When you rush things, you sabotage your chances for dating to turn into a meaningful connection with a wonderful person. Instead of approaching dating as the destination, approach dating as the journey to finding a meaningful connection.
8. Balance your life
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The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that where you place your attention becomes prominent in your life. Assess the amount of time and energy you spend working with the amount of time you spend with yourself, your friends, and dating.
If you tend to work a lot or spend most of your free time with friends, your dating life won't fall into place by itself. Dating takes time, effort, and energy. Balance your life so you can work well, date, and spend time with friends. When your life is in balance, life flows better.
9. Get out of your way
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When it comes to dating, the most important thing you can do is take responsibility for your side of the dating equation. This means understanding how you're getting in your way and what's stopping you from having a great dating life, as outlined in the Journal of Personal Social Psychology.
Identify the common tendencies that show up in your dating life. Then work on changing yourself so these tendencies don't show up.
Janet Ong Zimmerman is a dating and relationship coach and the founder of Love for Successful Women. She helps successful women find the love they desire.
