The Art Of Effort: 10 Simple Ways To Be A Better Partner Every Day
Love doesn't last without effort — here's how to show up for your partner every day.
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock There's a reason people talk about "letting themselves go" in long-term relationships — and it's not just about looks. When we first start dating, we put real effort into showing up as our best selves. We listen, plan dates, try new things, and make the other person feel seen. But over time, comfort turns into complacency. We stop doing the small things that once came naturally, assuming love will keep running on autopilot.
The truth is, relationships don't thrive without effort. They need intention, curiosity, and everyday acts of care. You don't have to overhaul your personality or plan elaborate date nights to be a better partner. You just have to make small, thoughtful choices that remind your person — and yourself — that you're still all in. Here are 10 simple ways to do exactly that.
Here are 10 simple ways to be a better partner every day:
1. Don’t rely on your partner for your happiness
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YourTango polled 700+ readers about what makes them feel attractive and confident, and how this affects their love lives. Ninety percent said that feeling attractive influences their relationship happiness, and 89 percent agreed that a lack of confidence in one or both partners is bound to cause problems for a couple.
But the key to healthy self-esteem isn't to ensure your main squeeze compliments you on a daily basis — it's doing the things you need to do to feel attractive and confident, like eating right and exercising, which our respondents listed as the #1 way to feel confident.
2. Keep asking questions
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In the early days of a relationship, asking questions shows a genuine interest in getting to know someone. And that interest doesn't need to change months or years later.
You can't possibly know everything about your partner — he's a work in progress! Ruthann McCaffree, a life transition coach and the author of the book Suddenly Single: A Guide for Rediscovering Life After Tragic Loss, says, "Stay interested in each other by asking questions beyond 'What did you do today?' Try 'What was the best part of your day? Why?"
3. Stop making your new partner pay for old heartbreaks
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You've been hurt before. Newsflash: So has everyone else. It doesn't mean that you've figured out how all men or women work.
You learned the hard way about one person whom you aren't dating anymore. Don't inadvertently punish a new partner for something someone else did.
According to Clayton Olson, a relationship coach, one of the most common ways past hurt shows up in new relationships is through a destructive pattern where people change their behavior to avoid confrontation or disapproval based on assumptions about how their new partner will react. Olson explains that this emotional dishonesty serves neither partner well.
4. Say it and show it
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People want to hear "I love you," but they also wish for actions to speak louder than words. Is it cliché? Sure.
But it's what we crave from the people we love because we know how difficult it can be to give, especially when — to use another cliche — the going gets tough. Make the effort. Take those actions you would want your partner to do for you.
5. Be the kind of partner you want to have
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Speaking of show and tell, you can tell your partner how you'd like to be treated, but it's much more effective to model what you want. You'll also be able to take what you dish out. In fact, you'll want to.
Relationship and life coach Michael Griswold emphasizes that when you model honesty, vulnerability, and respect for your partner's individuality, you create an environment where they naturally reciprocate. By being the attentive listener you want to be heard by, the honest communicator you need, and the partner who values their needs alongside your own, you demonstrate what partnership actually looks like.
6. Learn how to fight well
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If you're going to be together, you're going to fight. There's no way around it. Practice safe and healthy communication when disagreeing, even about small issues. It'll come in handy in more challenging moments.
"Partnership is a high-skills activity," says YourTango expert Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist and founder of the interactive learning website, Power Of Two Marriage. "If you don't have the skills, you're likely to get hurt."
7. Make time for yourself
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In a relationship, me time is just as important as we time. A partner isn't supposed to be a shadow. He or she is a separate person who needs to be happy as an individual, as well as part of a romantic union.
Time apart, cultivating your own passions and interests, sustains mystery and gives you something to talk about. It also helps you maintain strong relationships with family and friends.
According to dating coach Anna Karimo, time apart is crucial for maintaining both individual identity and relationship health. When you spend time apart, each person has the opportunity to decompress, be themselves, and maintain a secure sense of identity outside of the relationship.
8. Care about what matters to them
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Shared values and interests are important in a long-term relationship, though you can't possibly have the same tastes as your partner. But be interested.
Support your partner's hobbies, at the very least, by trying to know what he or she gets out of them. Don't dismiss them as a waste of time, and don't try to replace them. You can't be the only source of someone's happiness.
9. Say "yes" more often
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Everyone knows that it's important to set a positive tone at the beginning of a relationship. Don't stop making that effort just because you're comfortable.
Accommodate your partner when you can, even if it's something as simple as agreeing to watch the movie he wants to see. Doesn't he deserve it even more after proving himself over time?
According to relationship expert Debra Smouse, everyday acts of kindness create the foundation of a lasting partnership. Saying "yes" to watching your partner's favorite movie or cooking their preferred meal costs you little but sends a powerful message: you value them and their happiness.
10. Keep trying new things together
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In the same survey, respondents ranked "trying new things together" as the #1 way to stave off complacency in a long-term relationship. Novelty rules — and not just in the bedroom.
According to Sue Mandel, an expert in interpersonal neurobiology, novelty activates the reward center of your brain through the release of dopamine, which keeps romance and connection alive in long-term relationships.
Try new activities, foods, music, etc., as a couple. You'll "meet" new versions of each other, no matter how long you've been together.
Amanda Green is a writer with experience in copywriting, branded content, social media, and editorial.
