The 3 Texts You Should (And Shouldn’t) Send If You Want To Get Your Ex Back

How to win her heart back just by texting her.

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Getting an ex-girlfriend back after a bad breakup is often a challenge that must be tailor-made for the individual. What may sweep one girl off of her feet may leave another one annoyed and angry. Thus, as her ex-boyfriend, it’s up to you to use what you know about her to form an attack plan (a.k.a., a-get-her-back plan). Yet, whatever blueprint you come up with, there’s a good chance that you’ll need to send a text or two.


So, what do you put in your text messages? Which texts to get your ex-girlfriend back will be successful and which ones will be detrimental? Texts to get your ex-girlfriend back require a type of fine-tuned finesse. They also involve things you should say, and things you shouldn’t.

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Here are the 3 types of texts you shouldn't send:

1. Try to talk about your relationship

Talking about your relationship over a text message, especially if you’ve been together for a long time, is like hearing that your grandmother died over email. In other words, it’s in bad taste. If you want to talk about your relationship, then talk…in person.


2. Act desperate

When you are trying to reconcile with an ex, acting desperate is a sure way to shoot yourself in the foot. If she knows you're desperate, she also knows that she holds all the cards. She’s in control and pretty much allowed to do whatever she wants while you stay at home pining for her. This isn’t what you want. So, refrain from any kind of desperate text or sending texts numerous times a day.

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3. Blame her

Yes, there’s a strong chance that your relationship came to an end because of mistakes you and your ex both made: the blame is not yours alone to shoulder. However, blaming her will only place her on the defensive, and far less likely to even consider giving the two of you another chance. Blaming her in a text message is particularly passive-aggressive, automatically placing two strikes against you.


Now that we’ve talked about the texts you shouldn’t send, let's discuss the ones you should. But, before we do this, remember that the texts to get your ex-girlfriend back shouldn’t be sent right after the breakup; rather, give her some time to miss you and some time to regret her decision. 

Here are the 3 types of texts to send her:

1. Keeps things casual

“Hi, how’ve you been?” or “Did you catch John Mulaney last night?” are great ways to open the lines of communication without coming across as too heavy. Keeping things light and casual takes the pressure off of her and allows her to consider that maybe, just maybe, you no longer want her. Once she believes that human nature says she’ll want you more.

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2. Show her you’ve changed

It can be difficult to show someone you’ve changed in a text message. But, it’s not impossible. If the two of you broke up because of your obsessive dedication to your garage band, for instance, be sure that none of your texts mention anything to do with your super awesome music. Even if she asks about your band, write back something like, “I’m more curious as to what’s been going on with you.” Yep, that’ll get her.

@michaeljfit 📊 How do you show your partner that you have changed in your relationship? Follow these steps from someone who used to be very toxic in relationships. #relationship #relationships #relationshipadvice #relationshipcoach #foryou #foryoupage ♬ original sound - Relationship Coach MichaelJFit

3. Set up a meeting

After you’ve done the texting thing, a time will come for the two of you to meet. Again, it’s important to keep things casual: instead of asking her to your godson’s baptism, see if she wants to grab a beer after work. Casually meeting up shows her that you want her in your life…even if it involves you having to be patient.

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Michael Griswold is a dating coach and writer focusing on love and relationships. He has a Ph.D. in relationship and breakup psychology.