4 Things Your Ex Is Really Saying With That Oh-So-Casual Text

You need to remember that the relationship ended for a reason.

Woman texting on her phone Liderina | Getty Images Pro / Prostock-studio | Canva

Your significant other broke it off with you. Now, you’re trying to move on with your life — and then suddenly he text messages you. His message is impersonal, aloof: “How’s work?” or “What are ya doing?” he asks. It feels like he is testing the waters to see how angry you are at him, or if maybe you’ll consent to a late-night visit. You think that this texting might possibly mean that he still loves you. 


It is devastating when the man you love breaks up with you and then he rubs salt in the wound with his vague and insincere text messaging. Your heart wants to believe that he wants to kiss and make up. Yet, he does not ask for your forgiveness for his abusive actions, nor does he indicate that he wants to reconcile with you. You miss him, but (because of his past bad behavior) you don’t trust him. The bottom line, his text messages are likely because of one of these reasons.

Here are 4 things your ex is really saying with that oh-so-casual text:

1. He's stringing you along

When your ex texts you out of the blue, you can't decode his true intentions from a few words on an LCD screen. He texts you, “How are you?” Maybe his ulterior motive is he secretly knows (but will never admit it) he unjustly hurt you and he’s worried about soiling his reputation with your mutual friends. “Can we still be friends?” can mean he wants to demote your relationship to “friends with benefits.” Or he may just be playing with you until he finds someone else.




RELATED: 5 Painfully Obvious Signs Your Ex Never Cared About You (According To A Therapist)

2. He's lonely

Your ex texts you at night; you think it means he misses you. Maybe he does miss you, but he doesn’t love you anymore but he misses the intimacy and the comfort of a relationship. He needs you to ease his discomfort about the breakup, but he doesn’t want you — he texts you because he wants a temporary, emotional bandaid. 

RELATED: Why Your Ex Isn't Trying To Get You Back — And What To Do Next


3. His stiffy misses you

Your ex texts you to hook up again.  He’s drunk. He’s high. He’s frustrated. He texts you because he wants to sleep with you without a commitment. If you can play that game, more power to you. But if you’re hoping a late night call means he wants to get back together with you, you may get your heart broken a second time.



RELATED: 3 Reasons You Can't Stop Thinking About Your Ex (And How To Finally Get Closure)

4. He needs his ego stroked

Your ex may text you to see if you still love him and you still care — he wants YOU to want him. He doesn’t want you back in life — but he wants to see if he can get a lovesick reaction out of you. He may try to make you jealous, giving a rocket boost to his ego.


Moral of the story: After a breakup, guard your heart when responding to your ex’s disingenuous text messages.

RELATED: 17 Clear Signs Your Ex Is Just Pretending To Be Over You

Nancy Nichols is a best-selling self-help, dating, and relationship author, empowerment speaker, notorious blogger, and TV and radio talk show personality. She's a woman's advocate who uses her self-help books to impart self-esteem building, the power of positive thought, relationship understanding, and personal healing.