Heartbreak

The Harsh Truth About Why He's Sending You Mixed Messages

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woman looking at phone in bed

When men don't know what they want, they constantly send out mixed signals. It's as if they want you all the time, emotionally, sexually, and physically, but don't like it when we give all that and expect a relationship. It makes no sense. 

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They like you, but not enough to really be with you. In other words: they're wasting your time.

They like the idea of you, but something in them is scared of commitment or being seen, so they run for the hills once they get what they want from you, or when they realize that you're starting to expect more from him.

Here's the harsh truth about why he's sending you mixed messages.

The most common and crazy-inducing example is when a man agrees to do something for you... and doesn't do it. So passive-aggressive.

It's common for all of us, at one point or another, to be unsure about what we want. It is uncommon, however, to use other people to get what we want, no matter the harm to them.

However, it's rarely a good sign when you're with a man and he's unclear about what he wants. It usually means a trainwreck is nearing and when you get into a position of trying to figure out the mixed messages of a man, you're in danger of hurting yourself. If he doesn't know what he wants, it means he doesn't want you. It's the tough truth, but it's the truth.

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Usually, figuring men out means that you might have a narcissist on your hands: they know what they want; they just don't care about what you want. It's exhausting trying to deal with them.

Some of the best decisions you'll ever make in this kind of relationship are the ones where you walk away, even if your heart is pulling you to him.

Mixed messages are clear signals coming from your body that you're overlooking important things.

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A real relationship with a real man doesn't involve mystery or drama. A real relationship is between two people who can make — and KEEP — agreements.

The best way to clear up mixed messages is simple: ask. Ask the questions you think you shouldn't ask.

Intimacy builds from tough moments, not easy ones. Remember that men who can make and keep agreements (and are willing to negotiate with you) will last. 

Before you waste any more time on men who give out mixed messages, start by asking for what you want and saying "no" to what you don't — a man who loves you will want to know.

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James Allen Hanrahan is a relationship expert, author, speaker, and educator of effective communication strategies for male/female relationships. He is a certified ASR educator and T.A. practitioner.

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This article was originally published at James Allen Hanrahan's website. Reprinted with permission from the author.