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You deserve better.
By Sarish Siddiqui — Written on Mar 20, 2021
Have you ever been deep in a relationship and still find yourself wondering if he's into you or if you are just a bootie call? Unfortunately, it's very common these days to be in a one-sided relationship.
You might ask yourself how you went so long without even noticing the signs he's using you.
Now, granted, you may have had your suspicions all along but didn't want to believe it. This is what we call being in denial.
However, in your defense, we as humans often enter into a state of denial because our needs outnumber our desires by a landslide. In these situations, our judgment can be clouded — and I mean clouded to the point where the obvious warning signs and red flags are no longer obvious.
Here are the signs he is using you and how to know for sure the guy you're dating, unfortunately, isn't all that into you — he just hates being alone and is using you for the company.
1. You chase after him like a celebrity.
First and foremost, men naturally love to pursue women. If any guy is interested in you, he will be the one doing the pursuing. When he's truly interested in you, he will find a way to talk to you. It may take courage for him to make a move, but when he does you will know it.
When you like someone, it's a joint effort between both parties. You wouldn’t have to fangirl him. If he lets you chase him, there's a reason he's running away.
Remember: you have worth and any guy worth keeping will pursue you.
2. He doesn’t bother to text you back, engage in good conversation, or try to get to know you.
Sometimes, both men and women are a bit bashful when starting a conversation with the opposite sex.
It can be scary to send the first text message. You sit there and wait 20 minutes to respond because you don’t want to look desperate.
However, when a guy is interested in getting to know you, he will be excited to text you, even at odd hours, and will find a way to keep the conversation going.
In the age of social media, if he liked you, he would probably creep on your Instagram, scroll through your pictures, and find a way to bring up your trip to Papa New Guinea. If the conversation feels dull, one-sided, and uninteresting, you should move on.
This one is not worth your time. Anyone worth talking to would want to get to know you and learn every little detail about you.
3. He treats you like an option rather than a priority.
If you continuously try to make plans with him and he seems to always make an excuse, you're probably just an option. No matter how busy any human being is, regardless of your gender, you would always make time for someone that matters to you.
If he wanted to see you even for five minutes, he would find a way to fit you in his schedule. You should never settle to be an option. Always strive to be someone’s number one priority.
4. He truly acts like he doesn’t care.
When he acts like he doesn’t care, you should believe him. It's not an act or a game.
If someone truly liked you or genuinely cared about you, you wouldn’t need to convince yourself otherwise. You would just know; you would feel it in every fiber of your body. He would say that he likes you or show that he cares about you in some way, shape, or form.
5. He doesn’t express his emotions.
Sometimes, it's difficult for guys to express their emotions because some of them have no idea how to do it. They were taught to hide their them because being emotional is considered a weakness. Men were programmed to maintain a tough mental and emotional exterior.
However, you must realize that they are human beings, too. Although they would rather not admit to it, they absolutely have feelings.
When a guy likes you, he would make it known to you. He wouldn’t leave you wondering and waiting by the phone. He would make you feel secure, comfortable, and let you know that he likes you. And he would want to know if you felt that way, too.
6. He doesn’t make you part of his life.
When you first start dating or speaking to him, he probably won’t introduce you to his friends and the important people in his life just yet. However, if you’ve been talking to him for a while and you're still being kept a secret, be a bit skeptical.
When a guy likes you, he wants you to be part of his life. He would talk about you to his friends and want their approval. Eventually, he would get the courage to introduce you to important people in his life, invite you to fun events, and want to spend time with you.
7. He's selfish inside and outside of the bedroom.
Selfish people tend to only be good to themselves. People truly reveal themselves through their actions.
Sex is a two-way street and it should be a fun experience for both of you. He should make you feel like the most beautiful, loved, and amazing girl in the world.
If your pleasure, excitement, and happiness don’t matter to him, question why you like him or want to date him. If he never asks you about your day, life, or what you want to do, you should make a life change.
You deserve someone who cares about you and is willing to do anything to see you happy.
8. He doesn’t put in an effort to take you out on dates.
If he only wants to Netflix and Chill, you're probably just a hook-up with no strings attached. There's nothing wrong with this lifestyle; however, if you're looking for something more serious, guard your heart. Don’t catch feelings.
You should put your feelings aside and realize that he may not be interested in a healthy relationship with you. It’s always an awkward talk to have with someone, but you’ll never know if you don’t ask.
It’s better to know his expectations from the start rather than setting yourself up for disappointment. Remember: if any guy makes you feel unsure of yourself, he's unsure of you.
9. He never has other plans.
When a guy is always free, it's a strong indication that he is lonely. If he has no friends, no plans, or activities, it could mean that you have become a distraction for him.
10. He says he's not looking for anything serious.
He may be spending a lot of time with you because he is lonely, that's why he is keeping you around. He probably has nothing else to do so he spends a lot of time with you, but doesn't necessarily want to be in a relationship with you.
11. He's still hung up on his ex.
If he is right out of a relationship, you could be the rebound girl. He may want to spend a lot of time with you so that you can fill a void that he has lost. He is probably still hung up on his ex.
12. He is a narcissist.
He talks about himself way too much. He talks about mundane things in his daily life. If he is going into detail about his day, it's because he found someone that will listen to him, which is a gold mine to a lonely man. He may even treat you like you are his personal therapist.
13. He's opportunistic.
If he repeatedly ditches you when something or anything comes up, you should be noticing it as a big red flag. This can indicate that he is just using you to pass the time so he doesn't have to be alone.
If he is not making you his priority and he is just keeping you around for when he is lonely, then he is manipulating you.
14. He doesn't care what your friends think about him.
If he is only in it to have someone there, then he won't care to get to know your friends and family because he is not looking to make your relationship serious. He only tries to make you happy to serve his interests. He never goes above and beyond for you because he doesn't care about your personal life.
15. He doesn't want to get to know you.
He is always flirting with you but he doesn't do anything special for you. He is only wanting the thrill of dating and he is happy to have someone by your side. He wants to keep you around and he probably has no intention of having a serious relationship with you.
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Sarish Siddiqui is a Pakistani American writer with a big heart, short stature, and much to learn.
This article was originally published at Thought Catalog. Reprinted with permission from the author.