People Who Were Overweight As Kids Usually Struggle With These 11 Habits As Adults
They still carry a deeply rooted sense of shame.
PeopleImages | Shutterstock While childhood trauma on its own can often predict disordered eating and a poor relationship with food in adults, according to a 2022 study, growing up as an overweight kid is its own kind of trauma for people. From dealing with internalized shame over body image expectations to struggling with intimacy and even feeling socially isolated, not "fitting in" as a kid can leave lasting impacts, even as an adult.
People who were overweight as kids usually struggle with specific habits as adults, still coping with and dealing with the internalized shame they felt as kids. Even if they had supportive parents or an aura of confidence, societal stigmas, other people's opinions, and passing comments from strangers are nearly impossible not to hold onto — especially when you're as impressionable as a child or young adult.
People who were overweight as kids usually struggle with these 11 habits as adults
1. Getting defensive about compliments
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People who were overweight as kids usually still struggle with getting defensive about compliments as adults. Whether it's a deep sense of discomfort about people perceiving their bodies or a defensiveness about how weight changes affect their likability, it's a common experience for most.
For people who have lost weight or grown into a societally "acceptable" body size, compliments like "When did you get so pretty?" or "You look so healthy" can feel especially hurtful. They know how the younger version of themselves felt — never receiving compliments and always feeling isolated — and feel obligated to stick up for their childhood selves in these moments.
Even if it's unfortunate to realize that even the most well-intentioned people see you differently when you lose weight, that's the reality of many adults' experiences. They feel more loved, seen, and heard because of their body size in society today, yet equally more upset, defensive, and protective over the childhood versions of themselves that yearned for this kind of attention.
2. Falling victim to fad diets
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Many people who grew up as overweight and were constantly urged to change their habits, food consumption, and appearance to appease society still struggle with those behaviors now. They're driven by a deep-rooted sense of shame, even if they've largely overcome their insecurities, making diet schemes and "quick-fix" health tips online far more alluring.
Of course, no matter how you spin it, restrictive eating habits harm our health — from mental and emotional well-being to literal bodily processes, according to a 2023 study. So, if a diet or new fad online revolves around sacrifice and restriction, it's not actually a healthy and mindful way to get healthy.
3. Struggling with the distinction between weight and health
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Many children were offered the misguided belief that being overweight was simultaneously associated with being "unhealthy," even though the two are not always reflective of each other. Especially in today's world of the internet and misguided weight bias, it's not surprising that this is still one of the things adults who grew up overweight struggle to reconcile with.
They feel pressured to justify their eating behaviors, prove their healthy habits, and showcase their workout routines to the world — "proving" they're healthy, while still living in a bigger body — at the expense of their own security and self-assuredness. It's not only exhausting, it can feel demeaning, even when judgments are passed in the most innocent and seemingly insignificant ways.
4. Feeling guilty for not eating everything
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According to a study from Current Developments in Nutrition, parenting habits and mentalities around food tend to rub off on their children, as late as in adulthood. For example, a parent who forces their children to eat everything before leaving the table pressures them into a less mindful eating practice that sabotages their freedom and autonomy as adults.
People who were overweight as kids may also struggle with this habit as an adult, rooted in their parents' beliefs about food. It's also possible that they do the opposite, trying not to eat everything or take "seconds," even if they're still hungry, to "compensate" for their body size in group settings.
5. Wearing oversized clothes
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Many people who grew up overweight were consistently ridiculed for showing their bodies or wearing certain kinds of clothes, even if their thinner friends and family members were praised for doing the same. It's weight bias, which is still present in our culture, even if it shows up in different and more unique ways.
That's why people who grew up overweight often still struggle with picking clothes, finding their personal style, and being authentic with their self-expression. Not only is finding plus-size clothing still hard, but they may also deal with internalized shame that urges them to cover up their bodies and avoid "admitting" they live in a plus-size body with tight-fitting clothing.
It's a "lose-lose situation" for so many people in larger bodies today — you can't win, whether you wear oversized, baggy clothes or lean into the discomfort of authenticity with a personal style that catches eyes.
6. People-pleasing
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Even from young ages — think: preschool and elementary school-aged — kids are already experiencing social exclusion, isolation, and shame for living in a bigger body than their peers, according to a study from Child Development. To cope with the isolation they're experiencing and to chase the social connection every kid is yearning for at this age, they overcompensate with things like humor, people-pleasing, and negative self-talk to "bond."
As adults, these coping mechanisms don't simply grow away — they become a part of a person's identity unless they're directly addressed. That's why things like the "funny overweight friend" have become archetypes in the media — it's not a made-up concept, but a real struggle that many young adults and plus-size people experience.
7. Skipping meals
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Many people who grew up overweight have subconsciously adopted restrictive and unhealthy mindsets about food, including what they "deserve" and what kinds of food are inherently "good or bad." They skip meals to punish themselves for cheat meals, and hold themselves to unrealistic and restrictive expectations, struggling with truly intuitive eating in the face of their shame and trauma.
For many adults with this childhood trauma and these misguided beliefs deep inside of them, they're always thinking about food, overthinking their appearance and weight, or consistently "dieting" and using food as a reward-punishment system in their daily lives.
8. Speaking negatively about themselves
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Whether it's negative self-talk on the inside or self-deprecating jokes in a group setting, many overweight children learn that "hurting" themselves metaphorically or verbally can feign the kind of connection they've been yearning for. If they immediately assume people are judging them and thinking mean things, they beat them to the punch by saying it first — a misguided defense mechanism for their self-esteem.
Mindset and confidence are everything. The more harmful your self-talk is toward yourself, the worse your mental health, relationships, and self-esteem will be, no matter your size, weight, or appearance.
9. Struggling to eat around other people
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Taught to compare themselves and strive to be anything other than what they actually were as children, it's not surprising that people who were overweight as kids struggle to eat around other people today. They're always comparing what kinds of food they're eating, how much they have on their plate, or the speed they're eating to everyone around them, trying to "fit in" and "be normal."
For many, avoiding dinner dates and food-related events with friends is easier than dealing with this constant comparison. They'd prefer to hide their eating habits altogether, anxious about what other people will say or think when they're eating.
10. Rewarding themselves with food
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Many people grow up with a "transactional" relationship with food because their parents rewarded them with food as kids, offering treats for good grades and donuts after good sports games. They may also have had parents who punished them with food, making them go to bed without dinner or eat all their "healthy" foods before leaving the table.
This hyper-focusing on food in a practical, rather than intuitive, way is quite common for people who were overweight as kids. They struggle with eating habits and food choices now because their entire childhoods revolved around these choices, their weight, and food.
11. Struggling with self-confidence in dating
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Whether it was watching their skinny friends get romantic attention in high school or watching media that never gave plus-size women a leading romantic role — unless, of course, the plot was centered around a "makeover" — it's not surprising that these childhood experiences still affect the way plus-size people, especially women, view romance and dating as adults.
Considering that plus-size bodies, specifically for women, are not associated with lustful and romantic archetypes in modern Western culture, according to research from 2012, there's often a lot of shame around relationships, intimacy, and romance for these children and adults.
On top of that, the feeling of being "left out" or "left behind" in these areas of life for children and young adults can often make adult relationships even harder to navigate.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
