11 Ways Motherhood Quietly Changes You, No Matter How Old Your Kids Are
The journey of motherhood has a way of transforming you in ways you never dreamed of.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock There's nothing more rewarding and powerful than bringing a human being into this world and being responsible for molding them into being an actual individual with their own values and morals. As much as motherhood can be a truly fulfilling chapter of a woman's life, it can also completely shift and alter the way she views herself, life around her, and the things that are important to her. It doesn't matter how old her kids are — the impact of motherhood is felt at every stage.
There are many ways motherhood quietly changes you, no matter how old your kids are, whether they are newborns, toddlers, pre-teens, or full-on adults, because a mother is always adapting and learning. The changes can be both big and small, but at the end of the day, a mother is discovering new things about herself that she never would have known before having kids. She somehow becomes more new but still even more herself. While each mother's experience is uniquely her own, the process of growing into the role of being a mom can be both beautiful and extremely transformative.
Here are 11 ways motherhood quietly changes you, no matter how old your kids are
1. Your patience increases
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There's nothing more common than learning the value of patience once you become a mother. Not only with your kids, but also with yourself. Over time, being a mother means you start to realize that not everything needs to happen immediately, and there's actually value in taking your time and going with the natural flow of life.
Psychotherapist Atara Malach explained that patience in motherhood isn't about being perfect, but rather, trying to see the world through your child's eyes. "It's about making small, consistent efforts to respond to your children with love and understanding, even (or especially!) during those very frustrating moments. Every step in that direction is a win — for your kids and for you."
2. You become more empathetic
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One of the most beautiful ways motherhood quietly changes you, no matter how old your kids are, is giving you the ability to open up your heart to not only understand others, but empathize with them. Maybe it's because as a mom you're having to learn the emotions of someone else, from what their different cries mean to the way their body language shifts when they're experiencing different emotions and feelings.
You start to realize just how complex emotions are, which makes you more willing to actually pause and think about what someone could be going through before directly reacting.
Social empathy researcher Elizabeth A. Segal explained, "With empathy, fully developed and fully engaged, a parent can be aware of and interpret what a child, even a nonverbal infant, needs or wants. It is not a perfect science, parents can't be mind readers. But with empathy, the effort is there and the skills behind empathy are what make it possible."
In a way, motherhood allows women to connect deeply with others, without even realizing that it's happening.
3. You learn the value of self-care
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As a mother, you're aware that you can't give 100% of your energy to your kids if you're not checking in with yourself more. That's why self-care is so important for mothers because it allows you to recharge in every area of your life, so you can show up with more love and passion for your kids.
"As a mother, it's crucial to prioritize self-care. Taking care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being enables you to be more present and engaged with your child. Recognize that self-care is not selfish — it's essential to being a nurturing and healthy parent. By nurturing yourself, you model self-love and self-worth, teaching your children the importance of self-care as they grow," explained psychotherapist Ilene S. Cohen.
The more a mother neglects herself and puts everyone else's needs above her own is when things start to become unbalanced. And before you know it, you start to realize that you're running on empty.
4. You develop a new sense of what strength means
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Motherhood is not just about the physical strength and what your body is capable of when it comes to bringing a new life into this world, but also the mental and emotional strength that you may not have even known you were capable of. It's how you find yourself able to handle tough moments without wavering, being able to remain calm even when things feel difficult, and being able to find the light in the darkest of places.
"While every mother has her own version of what is enough, equally, it's something recognizable. It's in that warm moment when a mother is in rhythm with her world and her child — a moment when it all makes sense. She is able to acknowledge and accept that she's doing the best job she can, given her limitations, of which there are many," pointed out Margo Lowy, PhD, a psychotherapist specializing in motherhood.
Their strength doesn't always go noticed, but it's definitely felt in every decision, sacrifice, and act of love that they do.
5. Your ability to forgive grows
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Becoming a mother means forming a new relationship with forgiveness. No matter how old your kids may be, you start to learn that forgiveness isn't just about letting those past mistakes go but understanding that in order to actually grow, you need to let go of those past frustrations and move on.
It's easier said than done, but the more you're able to practice it, the more you realize that holding onto resentment doesn't serve you anymore.
"Forgiveness is a journey, and it may take time. Be patient with yourself and celebrate each step forward. By choosing forgiveness, you create space for healing, growth, and a more peaceful future," explained licensed therapist John Kim, LMFT.
6. You realize the power of small moments
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Motherhood means realizing that time doesn't slow down no matter how much you want it to. You slowly start to learn to appreciate all of the small moments, because no matter how fleeting they may be, they still hold an immense amount of meaning.
In the blink of an eye, a child can go from needing to be read a bedtime story to needing someone to drop them off at their college dorm for the year, and it's one of the many ways motherhood quietly changes you, no matter how old your kids are.
"There is so much beauty, comfort, and joy to be found in the simple moments. Yet so many of us live such full and busy lives that we often let these moments slip by unnoticed. The more we practice recognizing these small but meaningful moments, the more open and receptive we are to them," insisted wellness scholar Robyne Hanley-Dafoe.
Knowing that time moves quickly, moms slowly start to appreciate those quiet moments. It's usually during that time when the best memories are made that end up lasting a lifetime.
7. You adjust the media you consume
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Before having kids, you may have enjoyed the occasional crime show or even true crime podcast, but sometimes after having kids, those things start to feel a bit heavier on your heart. Now, you can't imagine watching something that ends up leaving you feeling unsettled or anxious because it actually weighs you down when you see things happening to other people, especially children.
You may find yourself gravitating toward more uplifting stories, turning off the news when it gets to be too much, and craving just a little bit of peace in the media that you're choosing to consume.
8. You have a new definition of what it means to be 'rich'
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Being rich in life no longer has a financial connotation to it. As a mom, success looks a lot different. And while you still have your own goals and aspirations that you want to accomplish, you're now leading with love, and that's the most important part for you.
Your priorities have shifted to raising kind human beings and showing up for them every single day for the rest of their lives. You're rich in other ways, including the gratitude that fills your heart at being able to create a family and nurture souls that depend on you at every stage. It's about being present and finding joy in everything, no matter how big or small it may be.
9. You understand the meaning of unconditional love
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The transformation of what love means to you is one of the beautiful ways motherhood quietly changes you, no matter how old your kids are. It's holding your child right after they're born, looking into their little face, and realizing that you would do anything to protect them and make sure they have a life filled with care, joy, and passion.
According to pediatrician Kenneth Ginsburg, MD, "Unconditional love gives children the knowledge that all will be okay in the long run. Even when we dislike or disapprove of their behaviors, our children must always know we stand beside them. Keep in mind that unconditional love doesn't mean unconditional approval. You can reject a behavior without rejecting your child. Love is never withdrawn or withheld based on a behavior."
That type of unconditional love ends up showing up in other areas of your life, whether it's the relationship you have with your partner, friends, and even with people you may not know. A love once reserved for your child can end up spreading to how you form other connections. You go with clear intentions and it makes you more present and invested with the people in your life.
10. You become more resilient
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A transformative way that motherhood can change you can happen even with your resilience. You start to realize that you're a lot stronger and able to face hard times without breaking down as easily as you may once have before having kids. The challenges that may seem too large to overcome aren't enough to make you worry or even waver.
You're able to approach those kinds of situations with a deep level of clarity and, most importantly, patience. The demands of motherhood can quickly make you realize that you don't have the luxury, and even the time, to succumb to moments of uncertainty.
11. You develop an appreciation for silence
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Before becoming a mother, you may have craved noise in the silence or even been uncomfortable with having to sit with yourself for long periods of time. However, once you become a mom, you slowly start to not only appreciate, but crave those silent moments and time to yourself.
Having kids of any age can make life feel loud and nonstop all the time, and moms sacrifice their time and energy as a result. So, those moments of stillness can feel much needed. You're allowed to reflect, rest, and even just sit in the gratitude of what your life has turned out to be. It doesn't mean you're not grateful for the demands that come with motherhood, but that you've learned it feels even better once you balance it with the quiet.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
