Adults Who Aren't Close To Their Parents Even Though They Talk Weekly Usually Have These 11 Reasons
The frequency of communication you have with someone has nothing to do with how close you are with them.
Evgeny Atamanenko | Shutterstock The frequency of how much you talk to someone does not necessarily indicate how close you are with them. Even if someone may talk to friends or family members on a regular basis, their reasons have nothing to do with being close with one another or actually wanting to talk daily.
There are many reasons adults who aren't close to their parents even though they talk weekly usually have, which tie into a variety of complicated factors and feelings. A report from Princeton University determined that approximately 40% of Americans lack strong emotional bonds with their parents. For some adults, speaking with their parents weekly does not indicate their closeness. Instead, it may reflect a combination of pressure, hope, obligation, and unhealed wounds.
Here are 11 reasons adults who aren't close to their parents even though they talk weekly usually have
1. They've made it into a habit
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Even if someone may not be especially close with their parents now, it doesn't mean it has always been that way. Once upon a time, they may have been inseparable from their parents and gladly took any chance they got to talk with them.
However, their bond is not set in stone and may change over time due to personal differences that can't be resolved, relocations to cities that are far apart, or inevitable changes in family dynamics.
Still, like any habit we've grown accustomed to, the habit of calling parents weekly can be hard for some to break, even if they are not nearly as close as they used to be. It can simply be a part of one's routine, even if it is emotionally unfulfilling.
2. They fear conflict
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Even if someone may not want to talk to their parents on a weekly basis, they've decided that the benefits ultimately outweigh the consequences. They may prefer to hear their parents ramble for an hour instead of being bombarded with messages complaining that they never check in on them.
It's one of the major reasons adults who aren't close to their parents even though they talk weekly usually have. Because, even as adults, people still may fear conflict with their parents due to the ongoing power struggles.
"Parents often fall into the trap of trying to control their children's behavior through force or threats. While this might yield short-term compliance, it damages the relationship in the long run," parent coach and psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein shared.
If their adult children refuse to speak with them on a weekly basis, they may harass or even threaten them to pick up the phone, or else. To some people, it is not worth the trouble and conflict that may arise from not speaking to them.
3. They feel guilty
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Some adults may feel emotionally indebted to their parents. After all, they're the ones who bathed them, fed them, and financially supported them as they were growing up. They feel the least they can do is speak with them once a week as a way to pay them back and demonstrate their appreciation.
Even as adults, they often fail to realize that they do not owe their parents anything. They did not choose to be born or have a say in their circumstances under their parents' authority. However, if they have grown apart over the years, some adults may struggle with the guilt of neglecting to realize where exactly they came from. A weekly discussion with their parents can alleviate that guilt.
4. There are familial expectations
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Certain familial expectations is one of the reasons adults who aren't close to their parents even though they talk weekly usually have. Some families simply chat more than others depending on their religious values, cultural beliefs or overall familial expectations. In fact, according to Pew Research Center, 46% of young adults say they talk or video chat with their parents at least a few times a week, with 14% doing so at least once a day.
Even if someone is not close with their parents, they still respect the expectation of weekly check-ins. It demonstrates the idea that even if your relationship with them isn't strong, it will at least be consistent.
5. They want to keep up with family updates
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Though someone may not be close with their parents, they may keep the lines of communication open to have access to all of the other family gossip. As strained as the relationship with their parents is, their relationships with the rest of their extended family may be practically nonexistent.
Still, they want to be kept in the loop without having to contact the sources directly. Speaking to their parents weekly is the only way to find out if their distant uncle is still dating that woman who works in finance or if their cousin truly does welcome one new kid into the world per year.
6. They have a strong desire to keep the peace
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Sometimes, going no contact with your parents (even if you really want to) is more emotionally taxing than it's worth. It only creates tension, hostility and may put your other family members in an uncomfortable position.
"Your experience with a toxic parent can be different from the relationship siblings and other family members may have with them," licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Bethany Juby noted. "So they might not understand why you want to cut contact. This could mean they may not support your decision."
Even if someone cannot stand their parents, they do value the relationships they may have with their siblings and do not want to compromise that. This means they may just have to grit their teeth and talk to their parents once a week.
7. They assign themselves caretaking roles
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As their parents get older, some adults feel a sense of responsibility for taking care of them. Nearly two-thirds of people believe that adult children should have a fair amount of responsibility when it comes to the caretaking of their parents, per Pew Research Center.
For some people, caretaking may look like a meaningful weekly check-in. They may bring in their parents' groceries or help them with house maintenance they are unable to do on their own anymore. Some adults may step into a caretaking role as a way to give back to their parents after all they have done for them.
8. They don't want to have any regrets
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Many of us fail to recognize the everyday luxuries we take for granted until they are gone. Getting to talk to our parents may be one of them. Even if they drive you up the wall with their antics some days, there will be a day where you will yearn for it back, just to have one more conversation with them.
Some people never want to live with regret and grapple with all of the "would've, could've, should'ves" that were right there in front of them. As parents age, you never know when the last time you will ever get to speak with them may be. For some adults, allowing their parents that weekly conversation assures them that they won't have any regrets once their parents are gone.
9. They want their parents to have a relationship with their grandchildren
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The desire for their own children to bond with their grandparents is one of the main reasons adults who aren't close to their parents even though they talk weekly usually have. They do not want to deny their own kids from having a meaningful relationship with them.
Maybe their kids want to know their grandma and grandpa, or their grandparents want the opportunity to know them. Someone who may not be close with their parents may solely keep the lines of communication open and have weekly check-ins with them to give their kids the chance to catch up.
The reality is our kids are not an extension of us once they reach a certain age. If they want to have a relationship with their grandparents, it is not our place to deny them that. Who knows, maybe they will eventually strengthen their own relationship with their parents now that they have the common ground of raising kids.
10. They want to avoid deeper emotional issues
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The closer someone is with their parents, the more compelled they may be to delve into the deep emotional issues that are potentially straining their relationship. However, others may want to avoid having those discussions at all costs by keeping communications with their parents limited to just once a week.
They may find that discussing these issues only reopens old wounds, crosses personal boundaries, and allows their parents the greenlight to give them their input. As psychology expert Peg Streep revealed, "Being in each other's pockets makes each party privy to all sorts of details you wouldn't otherwise know about, such as arguments, disagreements, and agreements being negotiated."
Some adults may opt to only talk to their parents once a week to keep the discussion short and surface-level so they won't have to dive into any deeper issues.
11. They hope for reconnection
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Even if some people may only talk to their parents once a week, they still could have the desire to get closer to them. If the relationship is rocky, communicating with their parents just once a week opens the door for reconnection.
They may not want to speak to them more than once a week to avoid overdoing it and potentially damaging their chances of a stronger bond. When a relationship has become strained, it may take time for one or both parties to communicate like they used to.
Giving yourselves the time for a weekly chat improves the chances of reconnection. Even if they may struggle to admit it, some adults need their parents far more than they let on.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
