11 Things You Likely Had To Learn Alone If You Were Raised By Boomers
In an era of unsupervised parenting and tradition, a lot of things were left out of the curriculum.
mimagephotography | Shutterstock Despite actively trying to unlearn and oppose the traditionalist parenting styles of their parents, many baby boomers took on authoritarian tendencies of their own — more focused on their own money, work ethic, and success than being present with their kids at home. Alongside the rise of dual-income households and women continuously entering the workforce, it's not surprising that many Gen Xers and millennials raised by boomers were left alone, without supervision and constant support.
With all of this solitude and unsupervised time, there are many things you likely had to learn alone if you were raised by boomers. For the most part, many of these experiences help to craft an autonomous, independent, and self-reliant mentality later in life, but for some, it's also a point of resentment and a reminder of their constant struggles with emotional intelligence — the skills that were blatantly left out of early childhood experiences and education.
Here are 11 things you likely had to learn alone if you were raised by boomers
1. Maintaining a work-life balance
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For baby boomers, work-life balance wasn't really a main concern. They value hard work, making money, crafting stability, having the opportunity to work, and maintaining a level of loyalty to their employer, even at the expense of their family time.
Considering many Gen Xers and millennials grew up on the other side of that experience, missing out on quality time with their parents, it's not surprising that they tend to value this balance a lot more in their own lives, even if it meant crafting and learning what that truly looked like on their own.
They may even seek to find happiness, purpose, and meaning in their work, compared to their boomer parents that preferred to simply excel in any given job.
2. Setting boundaries
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Baby boomers were workaholics, which is part of the reason work-life balance and setting boundaries in many aspects of life are some of the things you likely had to learn alone if you were raised by them. This generation of adult children raised by boomers often lived in a broken home, with absent parents who worked nonstop and had little time to invest in them.
They may have set boundaries at home, but they were rarely truly healthy in regard to communication, expectations, and respect — they were the "boss" and their children didn't have a choice but to listen. However, Gen Xers and millennials made it a priority with their own kids to not only set boundaries at work, so they had the flexibility to see their kids, go to events, and be around at home, but to be less authoritarian, in general.
3. Financial literacy
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While their parents did place a strong emphasis on money, finances, and work in their own professional lives, sometimes at the expense of time with their families, baby boomers rarely taught it to their own children.
Baby boomers, raised by traditionalist parents of their own, preferred to keep adult rules and expectations to themselves for the sake of their children's innocence. However, that meant that Gen Xers and millennials were forced to learn financial literacy and healthy money habits later in life, whether that was through educational systems or on their own.
Now, Gen Xers and millennials, who were largely raised by baby boomers, fall in the middle of the pack in regard to financial literacy levels, according to a TIAA Institute report, with around 50% boasting healthy financial habits and knowledge.
4. Overcoming boredom
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Considering many baby boomer parents worked a lot and spent less time at home, Gen Xers and other children in their households were forced to confront boredom without supervision. Whether that meant investing into passions and hobbies, hanging out with neighbors, or entertaining themselves in a number of other ways, they spent a great deal of time alone growing up.
Filling time and overcoming boredom are some of the things you likely had to learn alone if you were raised by boomers, but that's not necessarily a bad thing; in fact, in adulthood, you probably boast a healthy level of independence, self-reliance, and an enjoyment of healthy solitude.
5. Self-soothing techniques
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According to a 1991 study published in the Journal of Early Adolescence, baby boomers were largely authoritarian parents — with a mix of democratic styles, characterized by high responsiveness, support, and communication, and more traditional standards, like setting boundaries and using reward-punishments discipline styles.
If you were raised by boomers, chances are you weren't comforted at every crossroads and given grace with mistakes, but rather verbally condemned or punished in some way, whether it was forgetting a chore or overstepping a boundary.
Many kids who grow up in these households learn avoidance, rather than active regulation, for these uncomfortable emotions. They flee from conflict, avoid conversations to avoid punishment, and miss out on opportunities to feel supported and soothed by their parents.
Self-soothing mechanisms — whether it's sitting alone at home, regulating emotions, or distracting yourself — are one of the things you likely had to learn alone if you were raised by boomers, because they either weren't around or didn't have the capacity to soothe you amid their discomfort or anger.
6. Solving problems
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Many kids raised by baby boomers were unsupervised a lot. They had to learn to fight their own battles, resolve their own problems, and communicate for themselves. Of course, they weren't simply thrown to the wolves by their parents, they were somewhat guided and urged to develop their independence, like social worker Cheryl Gerson suggests is key to success later in life.
Even if it was a battle of boredom and neighborhood fights on the playground as a kid, if you were raised by baby boomers, you likely gained a lot of autonomy and skill by learning conflict-resolution and problem-solving skills from a young age, something that many kids today are still struggling to achieve.
7. Self-discipline
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Self-discipline is one of the things you likely had to learn alone if you were raised by boomers. Whether it was a long list of household chores you were expected to do while your parents worked or simply agreeing to their demands around the house, learning how to be productive without constraint supervision or guidance is a skill.
Of course, having overly strict expectations is one thing, but making kids do chores around the house can be incredibly beneficial to their wellbeing and success later in life.
Not only does setting a strong expectation around chores create self-discipline — reminding kids that they don't need to be motivated to fulfill their responsibilities — it teaches them the tangible skill of taking care of their space and balancing responsibilities.
8. Seeking mental health help
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Many children who grew up with baby boomer parents were forced to overcome stigma around mental health and seek support later in life, considering discussions about struggling and mental health were dismissed and invalidated in their households growing up.
Many baby boomers truly believe that mental health struggles are something that can be overcome with hard work, determination, and self-improvement, so skepticism and condemnation around modern resources like therapy was common in their households.
For people who do continually struggle with their mental health, seeking support, going to therapy, and being more open about discussing mental health from an empowered perspective at home are things you likely had to learn alone if you were raised by boomers.
9. Embracing authenticity
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For many baby boomers, emotional suppression, following social norms, and crafting lives around traditional expectations that were promoted by their own parents influenced their families, children, and parenting styles.
Modern ideas about gender and self-expression were largely condemned by baby boomers at home early in life, which is why this kind of authenticity and experimentation are some of the things you likely had to learn alone if you were raised by boomers.
Of course, not every adult child raised by boomers felt drawn toward new-age expressions and coping with a non-traditional gender identity in the state of the world, but for those that did, finding a safe space to experiment and being open about unlearning internalized shame was something they had to do on their own.
10. A healthy body image
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Especially for mothers and daughters, ideas about body image, dieting, and self-esteem are largely passed down in households from generation to generation, according to a review from Common Sense Media. For baby boomers, who largely grew up at the height of diet culture, restrictive ideas about food, and unhealthy beauty standards, it's not surprising that those ideals were passed down to their kids.
Unfortunately, that also means that building a healthy relationship with food and your own personal body image are some of the things you likely had to learn alone if you were raised by boomers.
11. Productivity not equating to self-worth
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Many baby boomers truly believe their self-worth is determined by their productivity, work ethic, and success in the workplace, rather than bolstering a healthy personal life and being present with their families. They overlook work boundaries and work-life balance for the sake of this belief, ingraining their identity into their careers.
While it can sometimes boost motivation and productivity to center your life around work, it's almost always at the expense of self-worth, self-esteem, and personal relationships. The second something goes wrong with work, you lose your job, or start experiencing burnout, it's personal.
That's why learning that your job doesn't have to be your whole life or identity is one of the things you likely had to learn alone if you were raised by boomers who placed a strong emphasis on their productivity and professional success.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
