11 Things Parents Of Selfish Adult Children Are Tired Of Hearing From Them
Unpopular opinion: sometimes it really isn't the parents’ fault.
MAYA LAB / Shutterstock In recent years, more and more people have been talking about the damage that can happen from selfish, narcissistic parents. However, it’s not always a matter of having bad parents. Sometimes, the child really is the problem, despite all the work parents put into them.
Did you ever wonder what happens when selfish adult children wreak havoc on well-meaning parents? Having seen it firsthand, I know that many loving parents end up hearing these 11 phrases, and they soon grow tired of them.
These are 11 things parents of selfish adult children are tired of hearing from them
1. 'I need some money'
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Yes, money makes the world go round. In many cases, adult children do need a little bit of help from mom and dad. More than 90% of boomer parents now offer some kind of support to children due to economic reasons.
The difference is that selfish adult children tend to be a lot more demanding, often to handle more frivolous pursuits, such as debts or splurges.
2. 'I don’t want to pay child support!/I’m not seeing my kid'
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Selfish adult children tend to turn into selfish parents. Selfish parents often refuse to support or parent the kids they helped bring into the world. Unfortunately, this often means grandparents end up having to pick up the parenting slack for their own child’s children.
Few things make grandparents more embarrassed than having an adult child who refuses to partake in their family care. Only 72% of kids get the finances they’re court-ordered to receive, which translates into rougher living for the future of those families.
3. 'I don’t owe you anything'
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Did anyone else notice an uptick in adult children telling their parents they don’t owe their parents anything?
Sure, theoretically, this is true. It still doesn’t stop this from being a selfish statement, and it also doesn’t stop it from stinging.
4. 'I swear this is the last time I’ll get into this type of trouble. Please bail me out'
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Quite a few selfish adult children tend to be people who have issues with the law. They live lives where they don’t think consequences will happen.
When those consequences inevitably do, they tend to be the kids who turn to their parents to be bailed out. Recidivism is high in our society, which means this is rarely ever a one-time thing. It gets old fast.
5. 'I’m not moving out'
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Parents are more likely to house adult children now than at any other point in recent history. This isn’t always a good thing. Some adults (including one’s own kids) are nightmares to live with. If an adult child isn’t a good roommate, parents have the right to ask their kids to get their own place.
In recent years, more and more selfish adult children just won’t leave. At least one adult child had to be legally evicted by his parents because he refused to get his own place. Get a hint, kids!
6. 'You really don’t care about me, do you?'
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While there may be moments when this phrase is appropriate to say, more often than not, it’s a guilt trip. Selfish adult children tend to use guilt trips and peer pressure to try to get their parents to give them what they want.
They may even tell parents that they’re owed something. This isn’t a healthy dynamic, as it oversteps boundaries.
7. 'You better show a little respect!'
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Perhaps it’s just me, but I always noticed the most selfish people tend to be the same ones who are borderline obsessed with respect. They don’t just demand it. They will take the definition of respect, stretch it out, and basically assume it means obedience.
If you’re the parent of a selfish adult child, you might have noticed this dynamic in your relationship. The best thing to do is to just tell them to stay away from you. At times, cutting off your adult children is the only way to keep boundaries even somewhat healthy.
8. 'My terrible mother/my awful father…'
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This is another statement that tends to come from both rightfully aggrieved children and selfish adult children. Some people may be right to complain about their parents. Others, not so much. Sadly, many parents out there genuinely don’t deserve the hate, complaints, and negative talk their kids dish out to them.
If you’re a parent who has heard horrible rumors from people who met your children, you know how hurtful it can be. At times, this can be worth cutting ties with your children over.
9. 'Well, what about what you did for my sibling?'
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While this is not always a rule, many selfish adult children will compare what you did for siblings versus what you did for them. In cases where there was clear favoritism, they may have a good reason to make that comparison.
However, if the circumstances are very different (such as time in poverty or major issues with one child), they may be pulling a guilt trip. Either way, it’s not something many parents want to hear from their kids.
10. 'I’m sorry you feel that way'
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It’s not unusual for adult parents to try to talk about problems with their relationship with their children. When you’re trying to bring up a valid issue, narcissistic children will often deflect or minimize what you say by saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
If you look up that phrase, you might notice it’s a form of gaslighting. Don’t fall for it.
11. 'I’m not going to apologize for that'
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Finally, let’s wrap up this list with the most obvious way to recognize when a child is being selfish: refusing to apologize. Selfish adult children often don’t care how much hurt they dole out on their parents or how they end up harming others. They lack the empathy to do so.
And trust me, I’m pretty sure parents are sick and tired of hearing how unapologetic they are.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
