Your Parents Raised You Right If You Think These 11 Common Habits Are Actually Disrespectful
You might be subtly disrespecting people, without even realizing it.
GalacticDreamer | Shutterstock Even if they seem unsuspecting and occasionally innocent, disrespectful habits and behaviors can have a negative influence on everyone, from the disrespectful perpetrator to the victim. All of these behaviors spark cynicism in ways that can spiral out of control, making everyone feel less heard and more irritable on a daily basis, according to a study from the Journal of Experimental Psychology. This is why it's important to be intentional about how you treat others, for their sake and your own.
From casual conversations with co-workers to interacting with friends, the way you choose to speak, act, behave, and interact says a lot about your character. Chances are, when it comes to daily behaviors, your parents raised you right if you think these common habits are actually disrespectful. So, don't take that knowledge for granted.
Your parents raised you right if you think these 11 common habits are actually disrespectful
1. Looking at your phone during a conversation
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There's plenty of research to suggest that looking at your phone during a conversation sabotages healthy connection and social interaction, yet people are still doing it.
One study from Computers in Human Behavior found that texting during an in-person conversation decreased satisfaction for everyone. Another published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests that even having a phone in sight is enough to decrease interpersonal connection, even if nobody is actively using it.
If your parents raised you right, teaching you the importance of being present and actively listening in conversations, chances are you know checking your phone is disrespectful and you avoid using it. Of course, we're all busy, trying to stay connected, and managing a million responsibilities, but committing to being present for a few minutes isn't hurting anyone.
2. Being late
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While tardiness and consistently being late often has little to do with a person's respect toward others and everything to do with their own emotional turmoil and responsibilities, it's still one of the common habits that other people perceive to be rude and unthoughtful.
Even if it seems innocent to show up 10 minutes late to a gathering or a work meeting, it reminds people of your priorities. When people care about respecting your time and appreciating your commitments, they'll be reliable and show up on time, especially if you've set a boundary and expressed expectations for timeliness.
Your parents raised you right if you think these common habits of unreliability and lateness are actually disrespectful. And chances are you make a commitment to show up, on time and as your best self, as much as humanly possible.
3. Gossiping
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According to a study conducted by the University of Maryland, gossiping isn't always entirely bad; in fact, it can sometimes provide a "social benefit" by sharing information, connecting people, and opening up discussions about similar experiences. However, when it's used to spread rumors, alienate other people, and negatively contribute to an innocent reputation, it's not only disrespectful, but harmful to relationships.
When you speak negatively about someone in a setting where they're not around consistently, you're not only more likely to be perceived as a negative person, other people are more likely to believe you're speaking about them behind their back as well.
Great parents teach their kids to have open conversations and set boundaries, even if it means walking away from a negative conversation or choosing to express concerns with someone directly to their face, rather than behind their back.
4. Giving unsolicited advice
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For many people, offering up help and giving advice, even without being prompted to first, is a thoughtful act of service toward other people; however, that's not always the case. If someone just wants to vent their emotions and frustrations, the last thing they want is someone else's advice for how they can get rid of what they're feeling or ignore their emotions.
People who give help to others who don't want or need it tend to also be viewed as less competent, according to a study from Psychology and Aging, so they're not just sabotaging relationships with disrespect, they're also sabotaging how they're personally perceived by others.
5. Not saying 'please' or 'thank you'
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While there's certainly a lot of stigma, toxicity, and exclusion surrounding "manners" and traditional etiquette expectations, saying "please" and "thank you" is more so a means of practicing gratitude than falling in line with rigid standards of acceptable behavior.
When you give thanks to the people around you, you're not only enhancing your own emotional and physical well-being, according to experts from Harvard Health, you're also building better relationships and helping other people to feel valued, heard, and appreciated.
Entitled people, who make others feel obligated to support and help them, often refuse to give thanks and express their gratitude. But your parents raised you right if you think these common habits are actually disrespectful.
6. Oversharing
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People tend to be drawn toward authenticity — someone living their full genuine self, in any moment — but oversharing to anyone in casual conversations can leave everyone feeling awkward and uncomfortable, according to personal development author Polly Campbell. Even when it's entirely online or on social media, it can have negative implications, which is why great parents make it a priority to teach their kids what's appropriate to share with others and what's better kept for personal and trusted conversations.
For many people, oversharing is a defense mechanism for coping with nervousness and anxiety. We want to build community and feel the invigorating sense of belonging with people by sharing personal stories and vulnerability, but when anxiety takes over, we may overshare to a fault.
It's okay to seek out deeper connections and meaningful conversations, but sometimes, keeping certain things to ourselves and waiting for the right time to express them is the key to harboring a sense of comfort in conversations that helps people to feel respected and appreciated.
7. Canceling plans last-minute
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Maintaining trust in a relationship lays the foundation for everything else you'll experience and navigate together. If you can't trust someone else to be honest, reliable, and empathetic, there's no relationship — you're just hoping for great behavior and putting yourself at risk for disappointment day-after-day.
Canceling plans at the last minute consistently in a relationship is one of the common habits, especially in today's digital age, that is actually disrespectful. Not only does it make someone feel like you don't prioritize them in a relationship, it makes them feel less valued and appreciated.
Of course, you can't always avoid having to cancel plans, but you can make it a point to be communicative. Even when something comes up or you have to cancel last-minute, great parents teach their kids to be open and honest, like a study conducted by Michigan State University suggests is key to maintaining healthy communication and trust in a relationship.
8. Being loud in shared spaces
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According to Pew Research Center, there's been a rise in reportedly "rude and disrespectful" behavior in public over the last few years, whether it's speaking loudly on a call in a quiet room, being rude to service workers, or even being obnoxious in shared public spaces.
When you're loud in a shared public space, you're not only exhibiting a kind of selfishness that disregards community and connection, you're subtly reminding people that you don't care about mutual respect. By interrupting their focus or conversations with your own needs, you're disrespecting them, whether you care to admit it or not.
9. Venting to someone without permission
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Similar to oversharing personal stories, venting to someone without their permission can be one of the common habits that is actually disrespectful. You're essentially emotionally dumping on them and burdening them with comforting you, even when they're not in a good head space or environment to do so.
Of course, the people you love and trust should always be there to support you, but sometimes, it's not the right time to express those feelings. You should never make someone feel obligated to set their own needs aside for the sake of comforting you, especially if it makes them feel invalidated, disrespected, or plainly uncomfortable.
10. Whispering
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Generally associated with malicious gossiping and rumors, whispering around other people is one of the common disrespectful habits that can sabotage interpersonal relationships, connections, and healthy communication. When someone feels actively left out of a conversation, they can't help but associate those negative feelings with the people excluding them, even if a whispered conversation they can't hear has nothing to do with them.
Everyone wants to feel included, accepted, and like they belong, so whispering may inadvertently harm that baseline understanding in conversations and social interactions, even if it's not intended to be exclusionary.
11. Being sarcastic too often
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Like many of the other common habits that are subtly dismissive and disrespectful, being sarcastic too often can sabotage building better connections and relationships. When you're never "serious" or vulnerable with someone, always hiding behind sarcasm or humor to cope with personal discomfort, you make them feel less heard and appreciated.
It may not seem disrespectful, but constantly leaning on a defense mechanism that hurts other people and makes them feel more alone in a relationship can quickly harm connections. While giving criticism from a sarcastic sense can often feel more uplifting and favorable, according to a study from the Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology, any other conversation — whether it's giving praise or expressing personal emotions — riddled with sarcasm can quickly feel dismissive and disrespectful.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
